Do research. There are varying levels of BDSM.

Top/Bottom
Dom/Sub
Master/Slave

Top/bottom being the 'lightest'. But even there is room to find what works for you. It's all about communication.

BDSM doesn't mean pain. Movies, books and erotic novels tend to talk about the more extreme cases of BDSM because that is what sells.

For me I've only gotten as far as using a blindfold/restraints/f eather tickler and that was pretty crazy hot to me. Most BDSM involves being in control or being the one out of control and that is completely painless if you want it to be.

Someone mentioned a good thing about safe words, I used 'green' when things were good and 'yellow' when things were starting to get crazy that way you never need to go to 'red'. You should be fine and in for a great experience, good luck!

It's not irrational to be afraid, BDSM can be pretty intimidating. The first thing is to talk to your husband and say what you're definitely against and maybe against. BDSM also covers being tied up and sensory play (think blindfolds and feathers), it's not just whips and chains.

First and foremost: Do some research. The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book (both available on Eden and Amazon and probably bookstores in your area!) are a great place to start. S/M 101 is another good book on the subject. You definitely shouldn't do anything that makes you afraid. A little excited-nervous is fine, it's something new. But truly scared is something else. As others mentioned, there's plenty of aspects of BDSM play that don't involve pain. You definitely need to discuss IN DETAIL what your limits are (literally make lists of what activities you are definitely ok with, which ones you are on the fence about but are willing to try, ones you are curious about and ones you are absolutely against) and he should never do anything to you that you haven't specifically consented to! You need to ok every single new toy and new activity before it comes into play. Safewords are VITAL!

Some very low-key, pain free places to start might be:
-Sensation play (literally anything that can be applied to the skin to create unique sensations, different textures or materials, soft fluffy things, feathers, furs, etc.)
-Temperature play (ice and low melting point candle wax)
-Sensory depravation (ear plugs and blindfolds)
-Light bondage (like silk ties)

Moving up from there, you could add a little light spanking. The impact can be entirely controlled by your partner, starting at nothing more than a little patting and moving up to whenever you want to stop. Sensation play could be heightened by adding lightly scratchy or prickly textures. These things should still be little or no pain depending on how they are applied.

But the most important thing is, you absolutely MUST communicate with your partner or you're going to have a bad time. One of the basic precepts of responsible BDSM is good communication and transparent honesty. You should never, EVER play without those things.

I second the people who are mentioning to go for non-pain BDSM first! I love being restrained, and it's not painful at all (unless you are using some bad rope, or pulling WAY too hard!). Blindfolds and sensory play are fun (feathers, ice cubes, fur, even hands) and still "count" as BDSM.

And never underestimate a good leather outfit!

There's lots of options. Talk to him about his fantasies and use that to build something you aren't afraid of. Others have great ideas on this thread about options, so I won't repeat them.

You shouldn't do anything you don't want to do. You do not have to experience pain for BDSM. You can use very light things for starters.

you could always just do whatever to him, he might find that he doesn't like it.

BDSM is about communication! Communicate that your needs and dislikes!

If you're uncomfortable communicating, I'd recommend Tristan Taormino's book "Opening Up" for some ideas about how to open conversation about your fears/wants. The book isn't specifically about BDSM, but many of the chapters are applicable to a variety of relationshippy aspects and sex of all kinds.

Tell him that! You can look into some practices that aren't about pain. If you feel up to it, you can start with light bondage like wrist restraints or blindfolds. BDSM doesn't need to be painful, but you shouldn't feel pressured into doing anything.

When it comes to sex, if you don't feel like doing something saying no is your right and is not at all irrational.

Like other people have said, there are a bunch of BDSM activities that don't involve pain at all and you might be interested in those. You also might not, and that's fine too.

I see a lot of people giving good tips for how you can try if you're willing to, and that's great if you want to try that out. However, NONE of this is mandatory. You're not a wimp or a bad partner or anything if you don't want to try BDSM, even the pain-free kind! you are under no obligation to do anything sexual that scares you, not even once.

sometimes being a little scared during a scene is a turn-on for me, and maybe for some other sub-identified people but i think for most it's a negative and very unsexy emotion. being afraid of pain doesn't mean you don't trust your husband as a partner, it just means you don't share his particular kink.

be honest with him! tell him how you've told us- rejection/finding out your fantasy won't come true is never easy, but i am sure he'll value your feelings of safety in your relationship over his kinks

Nope. Not irrational at all. I have heard of plenty of BDSM accidents resulting in injury lol

Like others have stated, communication is key!!

Together, you can explore anything to your heart's content as long as you keep things Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

If you're uncomfortable with trying something; speak up! If you're comfortable with something, then enjoy it all you can