The New Intimacy

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Contributor: trios trios
My wife in the past has been turned on by spanking. She is the submissive type in bed, very dominant in real life. I am rather submissive myself, but am dominant as well due to my role as father and for my job.

Don't know much about spanking or BDSM, how can I get to know what she likes? Do I ask her? She is too shy about roleplaying, as I wanted to roleplay threesomes with a dildo as the third, but she seems to not be able to do it, instead likes to escape into her mind.

Any suggestions as to how I can go about this? Think I can work in the extra cock? I guess I could just "go for it" and get a crop, etc. and try to dominate her but don't want this to be a cheesey experience for her either....
07/12/2010
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Contributor: Jessica Elizabeth Jessica Elizabeth
If you just up and try something, make sure it's something "light" and not too extreme, since you're both so new to it. For example, if you were to just up and try bondage, use something like silk scarves that she could easily tug and get out of.

Regarding getting to know what she likes, yes. 100% ask her. With BDSM talking and communication is the key. When you ask, be absolutely supportive and non judgmental. Also, you will be less likely get what she's into, and more what she's interested in trying, unless she already has experience which it sounds like she doesn't.

Perhaps try getting a book such as this one: link to read together and see what you both are interested in

And please, before you try anything like this, have a safe word!!

I'm also gonna shoot you a personal message on here. Hope this helps!
07/13/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by trios
My wife in the past has been turned on by spanking. She is the submissive type in bed, very dominant in real life. I am rather submissive myself, but am dominant as well due to my role as father and for my job.

Don't know much about ... more
Of course ASK her. Demonstrate. Nothing turns me on more than being ASKED, "Do you like when I do that?" "How about this? Harder? More, less?"

the two of you may want to buy a nice phallic vibe or dildo together and start by using it during oral play, (It's amazing!) and then working in for DP IF she likes it etc.

Safe, Sane and Consensual. That's what is best. ASK, if she doesn't offer her own suggestions.
07/14/2010
Contributor: Ciao. Ciao.
I think communication will likely make for a good experience for both of you. If she knows what she wants she can communicate that to you beforehand and then you can set a scene for it and carry it out. Ask her if she'd be willing to try something with a dildo involved as well. A suction cupped one or a strapon attached to something might make it easier to carry out, but I think with a little discussion you can have both of your fantasies met.
07/14/2010
Contributor: trios trios
Thanks for all your responses!

Last night I had a "warm up" session with my wife. I put her over my lap and rubbed and gently patted her bottom. We talked about me starting to research BDSM and came up with a safe word and gesture (if she can't speak!). Unfortunately our 8 month old is in the same room as us and I couldn't actually spank...

It felt a little cheesy to me though, mainly because she didn't get really turned on, but I guess we'll take it some small step at a time...
07/14/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by trios
Thanks for all your responses!

Last night I had a "warm up" session with my wife. I put her over my lap and rubbed and gently patted her bottom. We talked about me starting to research BDSM and came up with a safe word and gesture ... more
Yeah, I wouldn't spank in front of a child. Kids, even at this age are really impressionable. Sex even sometimes looks violent to them. Spanking may send the wrong signals to your baby about how you and your wife communicate.

My Man and I do not use spanking with kids as a form of discipline, but still, I wouldn't want them to see a LOT of the stuff we do in bed. OK, I wouldn't want them to see any of it.

I know it's hard when you have a small baby. Our kids slept with us for a long time, but we always had a crib in an other room for when we had sex. Just a thing with me, I guess. Once they were old enough to peek through the crib bars in the room, the crib went into an other room! Baby could still come into our bed for feeding and cuddling and sleeping, but we always would gently move them into the "big girl" or "big boy" crib in an other room, if we were going to get it on.

Mileage and all that.
07/16/2010
Contributor: trios trios
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Yeah, I wouldn't spank in front of a child. Kids, even at this age are really impressionable. Sex even sometimes looks violent to them. Spanking may send the wrong signals to your baby about how you and your wife communicate.

My Man and I ... more
Yeah, I know what you mean! No, the 8 month old is asleep, if she were to wake up that would be the end of that night! And we lock the door and make sure that the other 2 are sleep as well...
07/18/2010