I've thought a lot about me being so submissive and for others and just wondering if anyone thinks that abuse can cause some people to totally submit to others later in life..
Do you think some people's being submissive stems from some emotional, sexual, physical or any kind of abuse?
05/02/2011
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Oh man this is totally a hot button topic for me, so...
I think that saying someone is submissive because they were abused is a lot like saying someone is gay because they were abused.
We all have different paths to walk: some people are submissives because they have experienced adversity that, yes, can include abuse; some people are Tops because they've experienced similar adversity; some people don't engage in kink at all because they've experienced adversity. But to say that something makes you one way or another? That's disregarding all of the people who wound up submissives, Tops or switches who haven't had any of those experiences.
No.
And for me? My history has nothing to do with it; my Kink is as much a part of me as blue eyes and pale skin. It's inherent, and I choose to allow it to be a part of me.
BUT. I do think that abuse effects the WAY you practice your kink and I think that, in some cases, for some triggers, it can help. For example, a submissive I know is triggered by being bound by her wrists, and she was able to work that out and move through it, in her Kink.
I think that saying someone is submissive because they were abused is a lot like saying someone is gay because they were abused.
We all have different paths to walk: some people are submissives because they have experienced adversity that, yes, can include abuse; some people are Tops because they've experienced similar adversity; some people don't engage in kink at all because they've experienced adversity. But to say that something makes you one way or another? That's disregarding all of the people who wound up submissives, Tops or switches who haven't had any of those experiences.
No.
And for me? My history has nothing to do with it; my Kink is as much a part of me as blue eyes and pale skin. It's inherent, and I choose to allow it to be a part of me.
BUT. I do think that abuse effects the WAY you practice your kink and I think that, in some cases, for some triggers, it can help. For example, a submissive I know is triggered by being bound by her wrists, and she was able to work that out and move through it, in her Kink.
05/02/2011
I'm not saying at all that anybody being submissive is caused by abuse, I don't think that in the least. I was just asking if this is what "some" people's reason for submitting might be. Everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do, and I would never assume something about everybody.
I know that for many people it's just what they like. I'm not stereotyping or anything.
I've been in a sub/dom relationship, and I always just thought I was submissive because it was just what I like and I've always been a people pleaser, then after talking to somebody about my past, I realized that might be the reason I do and like some of the things I do while being submissive. I'm just curious if this is true with anyone else, or if I'm the only one.
Not trying to generalize it or anything, and I had never even thought of the connection between it before realizing it about myself.
I know that for many people it's just what they like. I'm not stereotyping or anything.
I've been in a sub/dom relationship, and I always just thought I was submissive because it was just what I like and I've always been a people pleaser, then after talking to somebody about my past, I realized that might be the reason I do and like some of the things I do while being submissive. I'm just curious if this is true with anyone else, or if I'm the only one.
Not trying to generalize it or anything, and I had never even thought of the connection between it before realizing it about myself.
05/02/2011
Quote:
I agree. I think that for some submissives certain scenes may trigger or just play may tigger them. But its also possible that it can fuel a fantasy. It just depends on the person. I'm sure there might even be people out there that were abused and are a dom. You just never know....
Originally posted by
DeliciousSurprise
Oh man this is totally a hot button topic for me, so...
I think that saying someone is submissive because they were abused is a lot like saying someone is gay because they were abused.
We all have different paths to ... more
I think that saying someone is submissive because they were abused is a lot like saying someone is gay because they were abused.
We all have different paths to ... more
Oh man this is totally a hot button topic for me, so...
I think that saying someone is submissive because they were abused is a lot like saying someone is gay because they were abused.
We all have different paths to walk: some people are submissives because they have experienced adversity that, yes, can include abuse; some people are Tops because they've experienced similar adversity; some people don't engage in kink at all because they've experienced adversity. But to say that something makes you one way or another? That's disregarding all of the people who wound up submissives, Tops or switches who haven't had any of those experiences.
No.
And for me? My history has nothing to do with it; my Kink is as much a part of me as blue eyes and pale skin. It's inherent, and I choose to allow it to be a part of me.
BUT. I do think that abuse effects the WAY you practice your kink and I think that, in some cases, for some triggers, it can help. For example, a submissive I know is triggered by being bound by her wrists, and she was able to work that out and move through it, in her Kink. less
I think that saying someone is submissive because they were abused is a lot like saying someone is gay because they were abused.
We all have different paths to walk: some people are submissives because they have experienced adversity that, yes, can include abuse; some people are Tops because they've experienced similar adversity; some people don't engage in kink at all because they've experienced adversity. But to say that something makes you one way or another? That's disregarding all of the people who wound up submissives, Tops or switches who haven't had any of those experiences.
No.
And for me? My history has nothing to do with it; my Kink is as much a part of me as blue eyes and pale skin. It's inherent, and I choose to allow it to be a part of me.
BUT. I do think that abuse effects the WAY you practice your kink and I think that, in some cases, for some triggers, it can help. For example, a submissive I know is triggered by being bound by her wrists, and she was able to work that out and move through it, in her Kink. less
So, I don't that just because someone was abused is going to automatically become a sub. For me, being a sub just fell naturally and my husband was also just naturally dominative in the bedroom. Then we moved into scene play our roles were already set.
05/02/2011
I'm a Big Ass Celtic Bitch in my day-to-day life, very controlling and organized.
Allowing someone else control of such an intimate part of me ... it's practically a given that I'm a Sub.
My childhood is filled with emotional and verbal abuse by classmates, sexual verbal abuse by an ex-step-father, and an emotionally abusive ex-husband. With such a history, I probably should have become extremely neurotic and become non-sexual.
Who knows.
Allowing someone else control of such an intimate part of me ... it's practically a given that I'm a Sub.
My childhood is filled with emotional and verbal abuse by classmates, sexual verbal abuse by an ex-step-father, and an emotionally abusive ex-husband. With such a history, I probably should have become extremely neurotic and become non-sexual.
Who knows.
05/02/2011
I think things such as abuse could contribute, but the feeling already has to be there. Personality is a very complex. I don't think there's one factor people can point at and say "THIS determines someone's orientation, submissiveness, kinks, etc." I can see where abuse could come into play, but I don't think it's the only thing by far that influences someone's sexuality.
I'm submissive, it's just natural. I have nothing traumatizing in my past that I think would've created that feeling. If anything I should be completely against any kind of interaction with people.
I see where you could question the influence of your past. I don't think you need to worry about any old hauntings affecting your sex life now, though, if you only just now thought of the possibility of it affecting you like that.
I'm submissive, it's just natural. I have nothing traumatizing in my past that I think would've created that feeling. If anything I should be completely against any kind of interaction with people.
I see where you could question the influence of your past. I don't think you need to worry about any old hauntings affecting your sex life now, though, if you only just now thought of the possibility of it affecting you like that.
05/02/2011
Quote:
Not for me.
Originally posted by
salaciousrex
I've thought a lot about me being so submissive and for others and just wondering if anyone thinks that abuse can cause some people to totally submit to others later in life..
Yes I have been abused (in all ways possible) but that is not what makes me submissive. I am just naturally submissive. Have been all my life. It is just who I am. If I need to be in charge, I will be. But I would rather just remain quiet and in the background.
05/02/2011
I don't think so. At least not for me, or anyone that I know. But then again, everyones mind is different.
05/03/2011
Total posts: 8
Unique posters: 7