Question for those who have read the Topping and Bottoming books... (or other BDSM books)

These books aren't what I really thought they would be. It seems like they mostly revolve around people who go to events, and do things with people they are not in a relationship. I'm looking for a book that is more about BDSM in a committed relationship, and more about the relationship aspect, rather than just playing out scenes and that sort of thing.... any ideas?