Spanking and one reason why some people like it (warning for those who have had bad childhood memories about abuse)

Spanking and one reason why some people like it (warning for those who have had bad childhood memories about abuse)

P'Gell P'Gell
Please, if this thread or this idea brings up painful memories that you'd rather not tackle here and now, please just click away and don't answer. I DO NOT want to hurt anyone who may have been brutalized as a child in any way.

I've recently try to assess why adult, consensual spanking was so fun. I've kind of briefly gone back through my past, and thought, mostly likely its true, that people who were spanked as kids tend to associate spanking with stimulation, "naughtiness" and thus enjoy it. I honestly know of no people who were not spanked as kids who enjoy spanking and who enjoy sexual impact play as adults. It would be interesting to see some research on this, most of the research focuses on whether hitting children works to change behavior long term or not, and all the research says it does not.

I have not ever hit my own kids. My Man and I decided less violent (and perhaps even less latently sexual) ways of discipline were more effective (and research bears this out.) But, it doesn't stop us from liking it ourselves. However, we are consenting to the act.

But, I just read something in a fiction erotic story no less that also made sense. Spanking, especially near the genitals, such as on the buttocks or thighs, brings blood to the surface of the skin, and also helps the genitals engorge with blood which increases sexual tension and sexual arousal. (yet an other reason not to hit kids, do we really want to be sexually arousing our children? I remember feeling what was most likely a faint sexual hint during a spanking. Neither of my parents were in ANY way sexually inappropriate, (and my father only hit me once that I can remember in my entire life and apologized afterward. My mother is a different story.) but I'm willing to bet if they had known about the arousal link, they wouldn't have done it.)

But, between consenting adults, this is a complicated issue, and obviously has many roots as to why some like it and some don't.

But, the blood engorgement theory seems to make a lot of sense.

Question: Does spanking sexually arouse you? have you ever investigated why?

This revelation will not stop our personal sexual behavior but did give us reason for pause. IMO, knowing why you enjoy things is important.
05/12/2011
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Chilipepper Chilipepper
My parents also did not believe in corporal punishment, and thus my brother and I were not hit by our parents. (Although my brother was hit by step-parents who took advantage of the fact that he was mute the first six years of his life.)

I like being spanked during sexual encounters, but more of a playful slap rather than a series of blows. I've never done the latter, but am open to it.

I can totally believe the blood-tissue theory, too, as well as the impact also causing the nerves to become hypersensitive. There's also the psychological element - being dominated.
05/12/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
I don't think any of those theories are bad ones and definitely worth someone, somewhere researching.

As for my own personal experience, I was spanked as a kid by my mother. It was always violent and angry. And psychological research and parenting specialists say that if you choose to use some type of corporeal punishment, you should never do it in a state of anger or with any violence. And I second that completely. I had spent almost my entire childhood scared to death of my mother (I had honestly believed by the age of 7 that she wanted me dead) and terrified of any physical contact from anyone else.

When my life became happy, stable, and I was far away from her, I stopped having nightmares from those episodes in my childhood. I felt safe enough (and sexually brave enough) to want to explore things like spanking. But the difference, besides me consenting to just it like P'Gell said, is that it was never done in anger or violence. In fact, if anything it was in a calm, soothing "dominant" way. Or at least I wanted it to be. My partner was not up to the activity and performed it pretty poorly and full of nervousness and boredem.

But I never received any sexually stimulating spankings as a kid. They were far too violent and not always on my rear end. >_< And I don't see myself ever getting into more hardcore spankings because of that.
05/12/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
My parents also did not believe in corporal punishment, and thus my brother and I were not hit by our parents. (Although my brother was hit by step-parents who took advantage of the fact that he was mute the first six years of his life.)

I ...
Thanks for the input, Chili. You're the first women who does enjoy spanking I've met who was not hit as a child. Theories are made to be tinkered with and altered. I'm learning new things every day.

05/12/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
I don't think any of those theories are bad ones and definitely worth someone, somewhere researching.

As for my own personal experience, I was spanked as a kid by my mother. It was always violent and angry. And psychological research and ...
Thanks for the input, Jen. I'm so sorry it was so awful during your childhood. I think too many parents just don't realize what they have done to their children. Sad. No one has the right to harm a child.

What we do as adults is our choice, so very different.
05/12/2011
toxie m toxie m
I was spanked very rarely as a child, maybe on one or two occasions. I can't remember it at all, but I've been told that it happened. My parents were not the kind to hit or be violent, punishment was of much more a "take away things the kid likes" kind. I enjoy spanking now as an adult, and as far as I can tell it doesn't have any direct ties to spanking in my childhood.
05/12/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by toxie m
I was spanked very rarely as a child, maybe on one or two occasions. I can't remember it at all, but I've been told that it happened. My parents were not the kind to hit or be violent, punishment was of much more a "take away things the ...
Thank you for the input. Most people simply can't make the connection, obviously. But, the fact of blood engorgement of the genitals from hitting anywhere near the genitals is a fact.

Most people simply don't or can't make the ties. I was over 35 before I realized the connection myself. Its the kind of thing most people simply don't want to allow themselves to think about, for obvious reasons.

Every parent may slip up and lose their temper once in a while. A parent who simply loses it once or twice in a child's life is a very different situation than parents who use hitting as a regular part of their form of what they consider "discipline." Taking away privileges etc is of course a much better and effective form of discipline.
05/12/2011
toxie m toxie m
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Thank you for the input. Most people simply can't make the connection, obviously. But, the fact of blood engorgement of the genitals from hitting anywhere near the genitals is a fact.

Most people simply don't or can't make the ...
Yeah, it could very easily be that the connection is impossible to consciously make in my case, seeing as I don't recall the experiences at all.

I don't have kids yet, but I plan to someday and I always felt that spanking would be an alright punishment if the crime warranted it (like, in the very rare occasions - basically, I think my childhood was great and effective in molding me into a person I like being, and I want to recreate it for my kids, although obviously every child and situation is different. I'm also sort of old-school traditional in thinking kids these days have things too easy and need to have things a bit stricter in general, but that's a different story) but in light of these facts I'm rethinking things a bit. I'd like to stay away from eroticising punishment as much as possible, and now I feel like I'd be thinking about this any time I ever considered spanking a child and that would just creep me out.
05/12/2011
MaryExy MaryExy
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
My parents also did not believe in corporal punishment, and thus my brother and I were not hit by our parents. (Although my brother was hit by step-parents who took advantage of the fact that he was mute the first six years of his life.)

I ...
I'm the same. I was NEVER spanked or hit in any way by my parents (they put me in timeout: NOT sexy), and I love the idea of play spanking now. I haven't tried getting a serious spanking, so I honestly don't know whether I'd like it (I'm always willing to try it, though).

Blood engorgement makes sense, as does the simple domination. Same reason being called "bad girl" or "naughty girl" is a turn-on for me.
05/12/2011
Rockin' Rockin'
I was never spanked or hit in any way as a child/adolescent, by any authority figure. In my adult life, I have really enjoyed spanking and impact play so far. I used to have issues, several years ago, about letting partners spank me, but I've since dealt with the issues and it's all in good fun now.
05/12/2011
Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
I love being spanked. It's the naughtiness of it that gives me the wonderful feeling. Plus I love the feeling of the pain too.
05/12/2011
Shellz31 Shellz31
My brother and I were well behaved as kids, but when we did get in trouble, we received a belting.

I love spankings now that sting and hard enough to leave a mark, but without bruising or breaking the skin.

Over here now days, there is a law that no one is allowed to hit a child at all.
In one way, it's good as some parents go to extreme where it's classed as child abuse. But on the other hand, kids are real shits these days cause the parents don't punish them for misbehaving. They are totally out of control.

A smack when we were naughty never hurt us.
05/12/2011
K101 K101
I like little smacks here and there. Nothing like pretending to be serious though. I wouldn't like that. I wasn't ever hit except maybe once. My sister was a different story. She was hit roughly with a belt a lot.
05/12/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Shellz31
My brother and I were well behaved as kids, but when we did get in trouble, we received a belting.

I love spankings now that sting and hard enough to leave a mark, but without bruising or breaking the skin.

Over here now days, there ...
The thing is, there are really better ways to discipline kids than hitting them. I don't think kids are any "worse" than they ever were. Our parents complained about us, their parents complained about them, Socrates complained that the youth in his day (about 3,000 years ago) were spoiled and undisciplined compared to when he was a boy.

Parenting can be done without hitting. If some of us can raise good, well behaved, conscientious kids without hitting, then anyone can. Ever notice the kids who are the worst behaved are the ones who always seem to get hit the most? IMO, the hitting came first, usually from very small, inconsequential incidents, these kids realize that nothing they can do will save them and figure "If they think I'm bad, I'll be bad." Every piece of research done on this shows that hitting only teaches kids ONLY how to avoid being caught. Good, non-violent discipline, like taking away privileges, time-outs for younger kids, being VERY consistent with discipline and "catching kids being good" are the best strategies for well behaved children.

Hitting may stop a child in his tracks, but it teaches him nothing about how he should behave in the future. And only teaches him how to avoid physical punishment (usually through dishonest means, kids who are hit DO tend to lie much more) and so that becomes the focus of their childhood; avoiding being hurt by the people who are supposed to be protecting them. Only good modeling and consistent parenting can do teach the child how to behave well. Discipline means "to teach" it doesn't mean "to harm."

Mileage and all that, but all the research can't be wrong. Not a single bit of research shows any long term benefit from hitting a child.

OK, off soap box now.
05/13/2011
IrishLassie IrishLassie
I dont have kids so I can't or more I WON't say anything about spanking. I came from a very loving home and had two great parents. I was spanked 0n rare occasions growing up. As a kid I never equated spanking as a sexual thing, nor did it ever spur me to think that my parents didnt love or care for me.

I was not abused as a child. Personally, I think you should base the form of discipline around the child, and just make sure that both parents are coming at it with a unified front. Meaning that both parents are doing the same thing so that there is a consistency for the child. Because if one parents doles out punishment one way and the other another way, it confuses the child and they also can learn what they can or cannot get away with depending on the parent. Spanking never worked on my brother, well really nothing worked on my brother. Life's very hard lessons worked on my brother. But for me, I didnt like getting in trouble period. So I did my best not too. Spanking for me was my parents last, last resort, so therefore it rarely happened. Anytime I got in trouble, I was punished, I dont really remember what they did, but I was punished. And when I was done, my parents (either or both) would sit down and talk to me about what I did wrong, why it was wrong and why I had to get punished (whether it was a time-out, being sent to my room or being grounded). As a teen my mom and I would butt heads a lot so we would bicker a lot. My mom is a yeller and as a teen (like most teens) I didnt care if we yelled at each other. My Step-dad, however, is a very quiet man, never raises his voice and is very patient. When he got mad (which was rare) he would just even more quiet and I always felt like I let him down or was a disappointment to him. I remember, I came home at like 3:30 in the morning and my parents didnt know where I was. It was early in the morning and he got up, came downstairs, didnt say anything other than, "I have to get up in a few hours. I (not we) was worried about you and glad that you were able to make it home safe because I dont know what I would do if you didnt." And I just remember being so beaten up over it that I caused him so much pain and worry. They didnt even punish me because I basically punished myself.

I disagree P'Gell, that a kid who has more behavioural problems tends to get spanked or spanked more. the hitting came first, usually from very small, inconsequential incidents, these kids realize that nothing they can do will save them and figure "If they think I'm bad, I'll be bad.", to me this shows a lack of parenting in that there is no backup to the punishment. It's "you did this wrong therefore you get spanked". There is no reason/meaning for why the child was disciplined. With no teaching them as to WHY it's wrong, kids will therefore learn what not to do to get caught. Kids need to know why something is wrong, what is the right way or thing to do and know that if they do do something wrong, that there going to be consequences to those actions. Without discipline (whatever forms of discipline you use) a kid isnt going to learn right from wrong, or that if they do something wrong there will be consequences. As parents you are to teach AND discipline your child. Like I said spanking never worked my brother and he was a problem child. A lot of his behaviour problems were spurred from my parents getting divorced when we were young. As parents we are to love our children and part of loving our children is disciplining, both punishing and teaching them.

It wasn't until recently in the last year did I find spanking arousing as my fantasy and curiousity for bondage play grew. My husband loves to spank me when Im on top or he's behind me and I was really not into it. I just didnt find it appealing and it had nothing to do with me being spanked a couple of time in my childhood.
05/24/2011
Noira Celestia Noira Celestia
I was doing research on this about five or six years ago and read tons of studies that found a correlation between spanking as a child and enjoying being spanked sexually as an adult.

Off hand I found a news article link

"The analysis of four studies by Murray Straus, co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire-Durham, suggests that children whose parents spanked, slapped, hit or threw objects at them may have a greater chance of physically or verbally coercing a sexual partner, engaging in risky sexual behavior or engaging in masochistic sex, including sexual arousal by spanking. "

I remember reading an article years ago that hypothesized that the brain got mixed signals because the spanking came from a loved one you associate spanking with love. I can't find that article right now (I read it years ago) but there is research on the topic that found what you suggest.
07/26/2011
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