The New Intimacy

Teaching A Novice Domme?

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Contributor: Madeira Madeira
I'm a submissive, but I've worked as a pro-domme for a long time, and I generally am more educated about the nature of BDSM than my domme, and she's definitely a domme. I'm a little more creative in terms of my dominance, and like I said more educated in technique and ways to play. I was wondering suggestions for educating my domme on technique and showing her things without making her feel like I'm topping from the bottom, or making her insecure?

There's a ton of stuff I would love her to do to me that I could teach her how to do, and how to run a scene and such, but I feel awkward saying it because... well I'm a sub.
11/24/2010
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Contributor: Mocha98 Mocha98
Quote:
Originally posted by Madeira
I'm a submissive, but I've worked as a pro-domme for a long time, and I generally am more educated about the nature of BDSM than my domme, and she's definitely a domme. I'm a little more creative in terms of my dominance, and like I ... more
To be honest. Reading is a good way. I would also recommend watching BDSM porn. Talking to others, like myself would also be a good way.

hope that helps!
11/30/2010
Contributor: Kayla Kayla
Topping from the bottom is a good way to start out teaching someone. Switches love to do it. That having been said, I wouldn't recommend trying to run the scene. You can "subtlely" help direct the scene by saying things like "Oooh, that paddle would feel really nice." which is actually topping from the bottom, but it's discreet.

Aside from that, if you two could find a mutual submissive who wants to play for a night, you both could top her, and you could teach your Domme things that way. I would highly recommend this third option. That way, it's more like a Domme-to-Domme education instead of seeming like a submissive being sassy.

Either way, I'd imagine she probably wants the help, and while I wouldn't recommend flat-out trying to help her during a scene, she may appreciate the help in a non-sexual setting (swinging a flogger, etc.).

Ooooor....make a contest out of it. Our local kink group runs a contest to see who can use their flogger to pop a balloon. Things like that would be fun while still giving you the chance to teach her. Of course, loser gets a spanking (by the way, you should lose or at least tilt the rules in her favor so she can't lose.)
11/30/2010
Contributor: Madeira Madeira
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
Topping from the bottom is a good way to start out teaching someone. Switches love to do it. That having been said, I wouldn't recommend trying to run the scene. You can "subtlely" help direct the scene by saying things like ... more
That's awesome.

I just get a little pouty when things happen like her flogger wraps and leaves me with nasty ouchies, or she forgets the warm up on a flogging, or other little things like that. I hope that after the semester ends for her I can get her to some kink seminars and help her get better with her tools, I'd also love to teach her to use a single tail
11/30/2010
Contributor: gone77 gone77
I have no personal advice, but you might want to consider buying this book: The Mistress Manual and leave it out somewhere to catch her eye and hopefully her curiosity. I have the book and it's well-written and informative.

Just a thought.
11/30/2010
Contributor: Kayla Kayla
Quote:
Originally posted by Madeira
That's awesome.

I just get a little pouty when things happen like her flogger wraps and leaves me with nasty ouchies, or she forgets the warm up on a flogging, or other little things like that. I hope that after the semester ends for her ... more
Learning how not to wrap comes with practice. I used to kill the boyfriend when I did it. I know better now, but that's more of a matter of practice. Wearing a skirt will help protect a bit against the ouchies.

As for learning to warm-up, make sure you have tons of fun, fluffier floggers around. The Fluffy Flogger here on EF is great for warm-up. If she has more warm-up floggers than mean floggers, chances are she'll do warm-up first. Or if you hint that you really enjoy a certain sensation to start things off, that could help too.

I agree with Kristi too. The Mistress Manual is a great book. I don't know if it'd really help too much with the finer aspects like you're having problems with though. "Flogging" by Joseph Bean (not on EF) is all about how to flog properly. "The Complaet Spanker" by Lady Green (on EF) is all about spanking/caning which should actually help quite a bit with the finer points like warm-up and different tools. Both would be good to say that you bought them so *you* could catch-up on information, but then ask her to read them just so you can get her opinion too. (Since you're a reviewer, it could be under the guise of "needing her opinion for a review" too. )
11/30/2010