I think it shows that the person speaking is uneducated about BDSM. That's about it. I don't generally find any word to be offensive. Words are words. I've always considered myself to be a bit of a "freak," but that's just my personality. Nothing to do with my BDSM life. less

I know this is posted in the BDSM community and that's the demographic the post is aimed towards, but I can't help but feel excluded when people who are into the BDSM lifestyle, refer to kink as solely a BDSM-driven activity. There's a ton of ways to be kinky, it doesn't always have to involve bondage, domination, or submission. less

No offense taken. But, thank you for proving my point.

Fetishism falls under the kinky category and with the risk of starting a flame war, I fetishize gay sex. I think it's hot and I masturbate to the idea a lot. I have toys designed to come as close as possible to an MMF scenario without actually involving a third person.

There are things that I require to get off that fall outside of the "vanilla" definition of sex and masturbation. My husband is the same way. less

I know this is posted in the BDSM community and that's the demographic the post is aimed towards, but I can't help but feel excluded when people who are into the BDSM lifestyle, refer to kink as solely a BDSM-driven activity. There's a ton of ways to be kinky, it doesn't always have to involve bondage, domination, or submission. less

See? *high five* Kinky before kinky was cool.

I think there's definitely a defining moment in one's sexual exploration that pushes them from vanilla to kinky. Psychological definitions try to limit what fits in that category and what doesn't, but in my opinion if it's something you had to think about, something you had to weigh the benefits and consequences should you be outed for your behavior then it's probably kinky. If you think the general public - or your mother - would look at you like you were an alien if you told them you really needed [x] to get off, then it's probably just left of vanilla.

There are of course, obvious extremes to all of this; and of course exceptions to the rule. less

When i refer to BDSM, i'm usually do it in this way: BDSM/kink/fetish/leath er and sometimes i even add etc. at the end. Even when i don't include the additions, i generally mean anything that falls into "not vanilla" territory, and lets face it, really, most people have at least a kink or a fetish or something even if they don't know it or realize that it's a kink. In my experience, most BDSM folks are happy to include people whose kinks and whatnot aren't strictly within the letter (letters?) of BDSM. It just happens to be the term that most people are familiar with, but i certainly never mean it to be exclusive in any way.

i don't think that i can point to any defining moment in my sexual past that shifted me from vanilla to kinky. i have had plenty of non-BDSM sex, but i don't really know where the line is between vanilla and kink because i think it's different for everyone. For me, experimenting with some light bondage (the silk ties variety) and a blindfold, or some light hand spanking, or strap-on sex falls into the vanilla to very tame kink spectrum at best. For other people, that's oooooooh kinky to *gasp* I could never, even going so far as completely squicking some folks. i have my *gasp* I could never and even my squicks and i'd consider myself at least moderately kinky, but that's only by my standards. So yeah, i have no idea when i crossed the line into kink but it was probably around some of my earliest fantasies, depending on whose scale you're using. Lol!

Now, to the original question. Like most terms that are sometimes used derogatorily, there's always the possibility of reclaiming it. Dyke and fag and queer, for example. All used against people, all reclaimed. Freak is the same way. BUT, it completely depends on who is using it and how it is used. Like the "n" word. Like, if i name myself a dyke, or if a good friend sees me doing something particularly butch or stereotypically lesbian and calls me "such a dyke" and we laugh about it, that's different than someone seeing me kissing my Girlfriend in public and sneering or disgustedly proclaiming us "Dykes." When P!nk sings "All my underdogs, we will never be, never be, anything but loud and nitty gritty dirty little freaks!" that's a positive reclaiming of the word. When someone calls someone a freak because they don't understand them or are intentionally being hurtful, that's a different story. When someone dismisses an entire segment of the population (where my underdogs at?!?!) by calling them freaks merely because they have different tastes and preferences or a different lifestyle, it is closed minded and bigoted. less