Anyone have any idea why there are so few male pets out there? As a male kitten, in a Pet/Owner relationship I find that it is incredibly hard to find other men in a similar position. Any thoughts?
Why are there so few male pets?
09/19/2012
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I can think of a few things.
- It seems like a lot of BDSM "scenes" reinforce normalized gender roles like male dom/female sub. I don't have anything against individuals who want this, but if there's less visibility for, say, male submissives or female dominants (or LGBT people or genderqueers), there are fewer people who are going to be comfortable being "out" as the "other", and as a result, fewer opportunities for someone to see examples of something they identify with and say "oh, that's me."
- Did you identify as a pet before you were in a relationship? It took me a few relationships before I realized certain more-dominant labels might suit me. So there are very likely to be people who have the desire to be a pet, but haven't claimed the label.
- I think there are a whole bunch of people who do kinky shit (or want to!) but don't identify themselves as kinky at all. And "pet" is a less common label than a term like "submissive," which is more generally understood outside of kinky-identified contexts.
And I at least know of male-type people who want to be owned, and aren't. And that women who might want to be owners are socially-trained to ignore those desires, and could have a much harder time recognizing them, a harder time saying "this is me."
The best I can think of to do is be honest. I am not afraid for myself but I am afraid for my friends, sometimes, because I hear of bottoms being treated badly by The Scene, and I want to kick the butts of people who are pulling that shit.
- It seems like a lot of BDSM "scenes" reinforce normalized gender roles like male dom/female sub. I don't have anything against individuals who want this, but if there's less visibility for, say, male submissives or female dominants (or LGBT people or genderqueers), there are fewer people who are going to be comfortable being "out" as the "other", and as a result, fewer opportunities for someone to see examples of something they identify with and say "oh, that's me."
- Did you identify as a pet before you were in a relationship? It took me a few relationships before I realized certain more-dominant labels might suit me. So there are very likely to be people who have the desire to be a pet, but haven't claimed the label.
- I think there are a whole bunch of people who do kinky shit (or want to!) but don't identify themselves as kinky at all. And "pet" is a less common label than a term like "submissive," which is more generally understood outside of kinky-identified contexts.
And I at least know of male-type people who want to be owned, and aren't. And that women who might want to be owners are socially-trained to ignore those desires, and could have a much harder time recognizing them, a harder time saying "this is me."
The best I can think of to do is be honest. I am not afraid for myself but I am afraid for my friends, sometimes, because I hear of bottoms being treated badly by The Scene, and I want to kick the butts of people who are pulling that shit.
09/22/2012
Quote:
^This.
Originally posted by
Roz W
I can think of a few things.
- It seems like a lot of BDSM "scenes" reinforce normalized gender roles like male dom/female sub. I don't have anything against individuals who want this, but if there's less visibility for, say, ... more
- It seems like a lot of BDSM "scenes" reinforce normalized gender roles like male dom/female sub. I don't have anything against individuals who want this, but if there's less visibility for, say, ... more
I can think of a few things.
- It seems like a lot of BDSM "scenes" reinforce normalized gender roles like male dom/female sub. I don't have anything against individuals who want this, but if there's less visibility for, say, male submissives or female dominants (or LGBT people or genderqueers), there are fewer people who are going to be comfortable being "out" as the "other", and as a result, fewer opportunities for someone to see examples of something they identify with and say "oh, that's me."
- Did you identify as a pet before you were in a relationship? It took me a few relationships before I realized certain more-dominant labels might suit me. So there are very likely to be people who have the desire to be a pet, but haven't claimed the label.
- I think there are a whole bunch of people who do kinky shit (or want to!) but don't identify themselves as kinky at all. And "pet" is a less common label than a term like "submissive," which is more generally understood outside of kinky-identified contexts.
And I at least know of male-type people who want to be owned, and aren't. And that women who might want to be owners are socially-trained to ignore those desires, and could have a much harder time recognizing them, a harder time saying "this is me."
The best I can think of to do is be honest. I am not afraid for myself but I am afraid for my friends, sometimes, because I hear of bottoms being treated badly by The Scene, and I want to kick the butts of people who are pulling that shit. less
- It seems like a lot of BDSM "scenes" reinforce normalized gender roles like male dom/female sub. I don't have anything against individuals who want this, but if there's less visibility for, say, male submissives or female dominants (or LGBT people or genderqueers), there are fewer people who are going to be comfortable being "out" as the "other", and as a result, fewer opportunities for someone to see examples of something they identify with and say "oh, that's me."
- Did you identify as a pet before you were in a relationship? It took me a few relationships before I realized certain more-dominant labels might suit me. So there are very likely to be people who have the desire to be a pet, but haven't claimed the label.
- I think there are a whole bunch of people who do kinky shit (or want to!) but don't identify themselves as kinky at all. And "pet" is a less common label than a term like "submissive," which is more generally understood outside of kinky-identified contexts.
And I at least know of male-type people who want to be owned, and aren't. And that women who might want to be owners are socially-trained to ignore those desires, and could have a much harder time recognizing them, a harder time saying "this is me."
The best I can think of to do is be honest. I am not afraid for myself but I am afraid for my friends, sometimes, because I hear of bottoms being treated badly by The Scene, and I want to kick the butts of people who are pulling that shit. less
09/23/2012
Quote:
I see, that does make sense. Being a gay man, I'll admit that I'm not overly familiar with the straight BDSM community but I've noticed the trend being overwhelmingly submissive women and dominant men.
Originally posted by
Roz W
I can think of a few things.
- It seems like a lot of BDSM "scenes" reinforce normalized gender roles like male dom/female sub. I don't have anything against individuals who want this, but if there's less visibility for, say, ... more
- It seems like a lot of BDSM "scenes" reinforce normalized gender roles like male dom/female sub. I don't have anything against individuals who want this, but if there's less visibility for, say, ... more
I can think of a few things.
- It seems like a lot of BDSM "scenes" reinforce normalized gender roles like male dom/female sub. I don't have anything against individuals who want this, but if there's less visibility for, say, male submissives or female dominants (or LGBT people or genderqueers), there are fewer people who are going to be comfortable being "out" as the "other", and as a result, fewer opportunities for someone to see examples of something they identify with and say "oh, that's me."
- Did you identify as a pet before you were in a relationship? It took me a few relationships before I realized certain more-dominant labels might suit me. So there are very likely to be people who have the desire to be a pet, but haven't claimed the label.
- I think there are a whole bunch of people who do kinky shit (or want to!) but don't identify themselves as kinky at all. And "pet" is a less common label than a term like "submissive," which is more generally understood outside of kinky-identified contexts.
And I at least know of male-type people who want to be owned, and aren't. And that women who might want to be owners are socially-trained to ignore those desires, and could have a much harder time recognizing them, a harder time saying "this is me."
The best I can think of to do is be honest. I am not afraid for myself but I am afraid for my friends, sometimes, because I hear of bottoms being treated badly by The Scene, and I want to kick the butts of people who are pulling that shit. less
- It seems like a lot of BDSM "scenes" reinforce normalized gender roles like male dom/female sub. I don't have anything against individuals who want this, but if there's less visibility for, say, male submissives or female dominants (or LGBT people or genderqueers), there are fewer people who are going to be comfortable being "out" as the "other", and as a result, fewer opportunities for someone to see examples of something they identify with and say "oh, that's me."
- Did you identify as a pet before you were in a relationship? It took me a few relationships before I realized certain more-dominant labels might suit me. So there are very likely to be people who have the desire to be a pet, but haven't claimed the label.
- I think there are a whole bunch of people who do kinky shit (or want to!) but don't identify themselves as kinky at all. And "pet" is a less common label than a term like "submissive," which is more generally understood outside of kinky-identified contexts.
And I at least know of male-type people who want to be owned, and aren't. And that women who might want to be owners are socially-trained to ignore those desires, and could have a much harder time recognizing them, a harder time saying "this is me."
The best I can think of to do is be honest. I am not afraid for myself but I am afraid for my friends, sometimes, because I hear of bottoms being treated badly by The Scene, and I want to kick the butts of people who are pulling that shit. less
To answer your question, yes I did identify as a pet before I got an owner seeing as how it's a fetish and lifestyle for me that can be detached from the submissive in me. I have an extremely strong identity connected to being a kitten, but the only time I find people with similar feelings they seem to be exclusively women.
09/23/2012
I've noticed this too. I agree about the gender roles playing a huge part in it. My boy is a pet. He's definitely a kitten. As a domme I noticed this and encouraged it. Before me he had never been encouraged to gender experiment, or to look at the same sex as attractive. Playing a kitten was most definitely out of the question. I think because he was encouraged by societal expectations to be a dominant male, it made him not even think about that sort of thing until I came along and set the rules down. "This is what I want, this is what I like, and if you want to try it you can, if you hate it we won't get along well". He has found that he enjoys the ideas of the same things I do more and more, and he says it's not that I forced him to...just that I presented the idea as socially acceptable. I was not judging or biased about anything. I think society puts too many standards to allow males to really get into the pet role play unless they feel already inclined to it.
09/23/2012
I feel like there's a proportional amount of male pets to female pets, just less since there are already so few male submissives. They seem to be mostly puppies, though.
09/23/2012
Alleykitten, I apologize for assuming you were straight! I should know better.
09/23/2012
Quote:
It's okay! I'm not offended or anything like that.
Originally posted by
Roz W
Alleykitten, I apologize for assuming you were straight! I should know better.
09/24/2012
I know a couple, but I do know more female pets. I can think of at least 3 male pets, but yeah, the female pets I know outnumber em.
09/26/2012
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 6