The New Intimacy

First kink moment

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: Airlia Airlia
When did you first realise you were into BDSM? Was there a defining event?

If you're completely opposed, any defining events that made you realise you weren't?
01/12/2009
  • Treat Her! Gift Set For Women For $69.99 Only
  • Complete lovers gift set
  • Upgrade Your Hands-Free Play!
  • Long-distance pleasure set for couples
  • Save Extra 20% On Love Cushion And Toy Set!
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: Beautiful Dreamer Beautiful Dreamer
Quote:
Originally posted by Airlia
When did you first realise you were into BDSM? Was there a defining event?

If you're completely opposed, any defining events that made you realise you weren't?
While making out with my then best friend (yep- I complicate everything), he smacked me, pulled my hair, pinned my wrists down, bit me, scratched me. I was completely turned on and then hooked. He's still the best kisser I've ever had the opportunity to lay my lips on.

This was about 3 years ago. The guy I was dating at the time wasn't into it, so I didn't really get to explore it further until I started dating Bill (year and a half ago).
01/12/2009
Contributor: Airlia Airlia
Funnily enough I realised I was into it during a one night stand when I pinned this guy down, teased him, tortured him and basically had fun with him. It turned me on so much that I started really looking into it. When I met my husband I realised I MUCH preferred being a sub
01/12/2009
Contributor: Beautiful Dreamer Beautiful Dreamer
Quote:
Originally posted by Airlia
Funnily enough I realised I was into it during a one night stand when I pinned this guy down, teased him, tortured him and basically had fun with him. It turned me on so much that I started really looking into it. When I met my husband I realised I ... more
See- I usually prefer to be the dominant one- it's more my personality. Strange how things work out like that!
01/12/2009
Contributor: Anica Anica
i've always like the idea of being tied-up/restrained, ect. but didn't find a comfortable relationship to explore this until after i was married. it then took a couple of years to persuade my husband. he still needs some work, but we're getting there...
01/12/2009
Contributor: Airlia Airlia
Quote:
Originally posted by Anica
i've always like the idea of being tied-up/restrained, ect. but didn't find a comfortable relationship to explore this until after i was married. it then took a couple of years to persuade my husband. he still needs some work, but we're ... more
Yeh it always takes trust! I know I wouldn't trust some random to tie me up or to do any of the things I'm comfortable doing with my husband.
01/13/2009
Contributor: Miss KissThis Miss KissThis
For me it was more of a gradual process. A little hair pulling there, a bite on the shoulder there. Then we started picking up light BDSM toys- a blind fold, Japanese bondage rope cuffs. The biggest step we've taken so far has been getting under bed restraints, which are ridiculously fun.
01/13/2009
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
I love being told what to do but with my type A personality and my husband's "I'll do whatever you say" nature, I'm usually the one in control. I'd give up my power in an instant if my husband knew what to do with it. He doesn't play along very well with fantasies - he's too bashful and can never keep a straight face. Damn him! lol.

However, my first experience with it, when I really discovered my love for BDSM was when a friend convinced me to work at home on the phone 3 yrs ago... little did I know these phone calls would be me instructing "self torture" or "erotic hypnotism of the Domme sorts". I was like "wtf, r u for cereal?" when I got my first call but after a while I really started to enjoy it. I enjoyed it so much it bled over into my r/l and things haven't been the same since.
01/13/2009
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
When I really turned on, I tend to "bounce" A former b/f @ first held me down then tied me down. I loved the struggle trying to get loose. BDSM grew from there...cuffs, rope, spreader bar and a gag.
I am a type A but @ times luv to give up control. I am a sub with either my present b/f or g/f.
B/f not too much in being a sub hinself but he is game.
01/13/2009
Contributor: His scarlett His scarlett
I have always had a desire to serve and please others Since I was very young I had dreams of being Cinderella, not of the mean things that her "ugly step sisters and step mother" put her through but of being the one to serve others. That graduated to an obsession with 1940/50 style "housewives".

Hand in hand with that was a need to feel pain, to feel controlled.

I had a few boyfriends growing up and was always submissive to them, without knowing what I was doing - and sometimes to their dismay.

But none of it made any sense to me. I figured I was just "old fashioned" or "weird".

But it was only when I was browsing around online one boring day that I discovered that there was a name for what I longed for and dreamt of. I read voraciously and knew that I had discovered myself.

Then I met Master and the rest is blissful history.
01/13/2009
Contributor: Firemeup Firemeup
literotica.com - I found the rape stories so much more powerful than the rest. I was completely freaked out because I'd never heard of anyone liking anything remotely like that. But I got used to it with time. We're not hugely into it but my husband doesn't mind that I like to be dominated sometimes.
01/29/2009
Contributor: Cinnamon Chambers Cinnamon Chambers
I got slapped on the ass with a slim jim when I was 17 and I got instantly soaking wet. My bf at the time and I explored it throughly the 2 years we were together, and I found that I love it. Unfortunately, my husband has no interest in even trying.
01/29/2009
Contributor: Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
I had a boyfriend in high school who was physically abusive without permission when we would start to kiss/fondle. (We never had intercourse.) It scared me. He even choked me unconscious one time. So I never EVER wanted anyone to do anything even remotely similar. Then about 12 years later ...

I met a new partner who was very aggressive - pushing me down, holding me down roughly, smacking my ass and I LOVED IT. It was then I realized that I like that type of play - it was just that I was being abused as a teenager.

Oh...then my first female partner pulled my hair so hard tears came out my eyes as I orgasmed.

At the moment I'm lucky because my current partner really likes to give & receive. I bought my first flogger not long ago. It's been so fun.
01/29/2009
Contributor: Airlia Airlia
That's an amazing story. I'm sorry that happened to you when you were younger, but I'm glad that it hasn't affected what you enjoy.
01/30/2009
Contributor: Red Riding Hood Red Riding Hood
I got real interested in my younger days and slowly built more interest over the years. I take a long time to think about things and eventually they sound fun. My first experience was with my friend when I was about 14 and we had a big ole time spanking eachother and biting and playing rough. It built up from there.
01/30/2009
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I first got interested in dom/sub relationships and bondage in high school while reading Anne Rice's trilogy of Beauty.
My partner has always been hesitant (not really open) about that kind of stuff but I have expressed my fantasy of using bondage.

Usually my partner expresses his sexuality by being the dom (without out use of bondage). The closest we have ever come to bondage was when I used a scarf to bind his hands to my four poster bed. I didn't really tie them tightly and my partner was unable to maintain a submissive position and kept attacking my...in a good way!

I have ordered a light BDSM kit for valentines. We will see how things go when we inverse roles!
01/31/2009
Contributor: Red Riding Hood Red Riding Hood
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I first got interested in dom/sub relationships and bondage in high school while reading Anne Rice's trilogy of Beauty.
My partner has always been hesitant (not really open) about that kind of stuff but I have expressed my fantasy of using ... more
Good luck with this! I know how hard it is to suggest new things to partners who are fairly conservative!
02/01/2009
Contributor: Always Ready Always Ready
On the opposite end of the spectrum (the second question)... My first boyfriend and I were wrestling around and he sat on top of me and pinned my wrists down. An intense panic set over me and freaked out. As soon as I screamed "get off of me", he did but in the few nano seconds between the time he let go of my wrists and when he got off me, I had already clocked him in the face and broken his nose. We tried working in little things like spanking and biting but I would get physically ill and have to leave the room. It was never a trust issue. I knew he would never really hurt me.

That was four years ago and in the meantime I started watching bondage porn and really liked it so I thought things had changed but my new guy and I had a tickle fight a few days ago and I ended up on the bottom with him pinning my hands to to the floor. I panicked, screamed and pulled my hands out from under his, which put him off balance knocking our heads together (Didn't think that one through -- although I am now noticing a pattern of pain :p). Now we have to have a safe word for tickle fights. I know, a far cry from bdsm but you get idea. He thinks it's cute though.

So to answer the question, that's how I know I am completely opposed to me being involved in it. If it's happening to someone else I'll watch but the thought of it happening to me is terrifying and repulsive.
02/02/2009
Contributor: Gary Gary
My earliest experiences with BDSM, were all from getting arrested “the hard way” when I was a kid. As of yet, I am still on the fence about whether or not I actually enjoy it.
02/04/2009
Contributor: Airlia Airlia
Quote:
Originally posted by Always Ready
On the opposite end of the spectrum (the second question)... My first boyfriend and I were wrestling around and he sat on top of me and pinned my wrists down. An intense panic set over me and freaked out. As soon as I screamed "get off of ... more
That's really interesting! I was like that about 3 or 4 years ago, freaking out and accidentally hurting my partner and/or me in the process. But I never really watched anything. The violence would freak me out, instead I got my feet wet reading after my one experience kinda dominating my guy.
02/10/2009
Contributor: Chou Wang Chou Wang
Very interesting stories here. Actually back in the lovely days when we had no children, my wife was pretty much into it. Actually both the submission and the domination part. I'm not really full of fantasies but she got me hooked and I actually enjoyed it from time to time. I hate to watch BDSM porn though, really hating the comments and dialogues there. I also had a couple of girlfriends that loved to wrestle, really rough wrestling. They also didn't leave me any choice or asked if I like it, just started wrestling and after that we had boring sex...

But right now, we hardly have any time for each other, I'm not even sure what I like or what I don't.
02/11/2009
Contributor: stuck in the middle stuck in the middle
For me my fascination with it started young.I was always a big fan of various magicians and escape artists and started just having friends tie me up and me try to escape.long before any thoughts of sex were involved I was excited but the whole process.I guess what would be my defining moment with BDSM as an adult came when I joined collarme and a couple replied to my add.I spent an afternoon with them and really enjoyed it.I'd love to do more but being transgenderd and living in this area its hard to find people.
02/23/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Airlia
When did you first realise you were into BDSM? Was there a defining event?

If you're completely opposed, any defining events that made you realise you weren't?
I've always been into BDSM, and I've always been quite the sadist and dominant. It's just always been that way. I can't say that I remember when I first decided that I was into BDSM, but I will say that when I was a child, I was into it. I enjoyed leather from infancy and loved my uncle's toys that he had (including his whips and other penis devices). My parents are also into BDSM, so I used to always admire their things when I was young. I believe that even the first time that I had sex, I was doing something relatively kinky.

Bottom line, it's always been in my mind. Eventually, when I turned early teens, I started to become more aware of different forms of BDSM, like using body bags or suspension devices, and that's really when I started getting heavily into it, buying more things to use and actually using them.
06/06/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by stuck in the middle
For me my fascination with it started young.I was always a big fan of various magicians and escape artists and started just having friends tie me up and me try to escape.long before any thoughts of sex were involved I was excited but the whole ... more
I loved Houdini. Great guy.
06/06/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Beautiful Dreamer
See- I usually prefer to be the dominant one- it's more my personality. Strange how things work out like that!
That is funny, because I've always been dominant, and still am. I will say though that I'd love to see my little girl dressed as a dominatrix. It would turn me on so much to see her like that, then have her under me.
06/06/2009
Contributor: Mamastoys Mamastoys
Both my hubby and I have tpye A personalities and can't stand to give up the control! We do have several blindfolds we use occasionally and even some silky straps but have only used them once or twice. I do like using the blindfold-it really increases the awareness of the other senses..but that is as far we go at this time..
06/11/2009
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
I was fifteen and watching Exit to Eden with my mother.
08/12/2009
Contributor: Cupcake Girl Cupcake Girl
i think it started with me when i was young when two things happened. one: a super cute boy who i secretly had a crush on ticked me until i couldn't breathe. it totally turned me on and if i wasn't 12 years old, i probably would have submitted to him right then. and two: when i was about 15 i found myself in enclosed, dark spaces with random boys (like closets, crawl-spaces, etc) and the pitch-blackness of it all got me so horny, i could barely control myself. i really loved the sensation of 1) not being able to see the person who was inches away from me and 2) not knowing what they would do to me because i couldn't see it coming. the slightest touch or kiss or spank in that pitch-blackness really, really turns me on.

i've been tied up, spanked, handcuffed, blindfolded, hogtied, whipped, held down, etc...but nothing gets me as hot as either being tickled or being forced into a dark, cramped closet or other place where i have no idea what's going to happen to me.

now, 20 years later, i find myself wanting to play out these scenarios again. my husband isn't into it, but we're in an open relationship, so i tend to seek out Dom guys who are more than willing to lock me in a closet or tickle me until i squirt.
09/06/2010
Contributor: Kim! Kim!
I was at a really strict Christian college and ended up reading the deadjournal and livejournal communities and somehow I ended up at some BDSM ones. That was when I really knew, I didn't see the signs from when I was younger until later on. But really I had some inkling from the age of 8 or younger with my elaborate masturbation fantasies.
09/06/2010
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
Well, my 'defining moment' even though I didn't know it at the time was being way turned on during Aladdin where Jasmine becomes Jafar's slave. Later in life I started having rape fantasies, and then one of my ex boyfriends slapped me in handcuffs out of the blue one day. I guess, for me, it was a lot of little things building up to a realization a few years ago.
09/06/2010