Defense of Kink

I can also point out that people who have rigid set ideas about BDSM and have also been abused can get almost frantic in their fear/flight reactions....I don't mean abused in a surprise manner such as date rape or even just one rape (I know the effects are devastating and affect your entire life, jus' sayin') but those unfortunate souls who have been used as a sexual punching bag or even worse. It is almost unfair to assert that there IS a difference when you have never been given the chance to say no. I can understand the fear from a visceral level. My father is a violent alcoholic and in my early world there was no such thing as "social drinking". Even the smell of certain types of alcohol would make me want to puke, crawl into a closet and hide.
I guess what you're running into is that visceral reaction and it isn't meant to be anything but a warning though it comes across as a threat or even outright sneering, cutting remark. I have learned that when you get such an off the wall reaction to something YOU know isn't harmful that it says more about the objector than it does about you. Hell Iwas told that God would surely hate me forever without end for my views on Polyamory....and then double for actually daring to BE poly. This from an otherrwise gentle woman who preached that God could and does forgive ANYTHING. Turns out her Dad had killed her mother brutally and in front of her for a supposed infidelity and he was a serial cheater himself. Yes it hurt to be berated and cursed at but after a very wise mentor of mine put it into perspective I was able to walk away from the argument with my dignity intact.
I have given up on trying to dispel myths and just lead by example. I will answer questions politely phrased and only as long as the person seems to genuinely want to hear what I have to say. There's no point in beating my head against a wall because I simply don't value the single moment of bliss just after I stop! I have had more success by just quietly doing what I do and being as kinky as I like than I did by trumpetting my values and duking it out.

I like the picture from an artistic point of view andbecause I like forceful sex...but it is also a bit disturbing in many points. TO me, that makes it a successful piece of work. It leaves the viewer feeling something and isn't easily dismissed. less

I only really talk about kink to other kink-minded people.

However I talk to the very occasional 'nilla and their most comment misconception is that kink is abuse. -sigh- While I love trying to educate, I mostly fall on deaf ears.

Don't need that stress. less

I'm a sexual assault and physical abuse survivor, but I have to honestly say that i only have a clinical understanding of "triggers". I'm lucky in that I wasn't affected by the attacks the way most people are. I have some social issues, but I was never devastated. The idea that something BDSM-related or that looks non-consensual on the surface could be "triggering" was lost on me until someone explained her triggers to me. So when I say "That's obviously consensual and isn't triggering at all." it doesn't mean much.

So there's that.

As for dispelling myths, I'm doing it constantly. Some people just like to be beat. Others just like to do the beating. And what better way than in a consensual kinky relationship? So when "vanilla" (for lack of a better description) people around me are talking about kink in a negative light, I'm the first one to open my mouth.

The media's got no problem lying about kink and portraying it in a negative light on daytime and primetime television. I've got no problem talking about it with strangers.

I'm still cautious what I say, how I say it. I want to make damn sure the people I'm talking to will make no mistake. I don't want anyone to have even the slightest inkling that I'm in the relationship I am by force. But I talk about it. It's the only way to open the eyes of those with open minds. less

I have to say that, when it comes to kink, I'm fairly "white chocolate." (I'm not vanilla, but my kinks don't get too involved, don't run too deep, are fairly basic... however you want to phrase it...)

Anyway, as a survivor having posted my own story in a survivors' blog, I know a fair amount of survivors. I realize that there are a lot of triggers for us. That said, tonight I had a survivor friend post a picture found on Pinterest of a woman getting "suffocated." I put this in quotes because, needless to say, this was a picture that was, well let me just show you:



It's obviously staged. Regardless. There are 10 bajillion (exaggeration) comments about it being psychotic, criminal, evil, horrible.

I've entered into a HUGE rant over there about the difference of consensual and nonconsensual acts during sex. That this is, obviously (because she looks *SOOO* distressed) a consensual act. And that there's nothing wrong with BDSM. I'm trying to go about it in an educating, "let me enlighten you on what's going on here" manner, because I don't want to make anyone feel bad for being turned off by it, but I'm getting frustrated that people are so quick to immediately assume "Non-Consensual" for something that is so, very obviously, a consensual act. (Just remind me not to go to an art exhibit with any of them)

Do you find yourself dispelling the myths of kink too? less