EdenKink - Types of BDSM Relationships - Wednesday, November 16th, 2011 @ 8pm ET

The New Intimacy

EdenKink - Types of BDSM Relationships - Wednesday, November 16th, 2011 @ 8pm ET

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Contributor: Dusk Dusk
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning ... more
I don't talk to a lot of people about it because I think in some ways it scares them. There has been too much in the media that blurs the line between BDSM and abuse, and I think people tend to think you're fucked up in the head if you're into anything "kinkier" than they are.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning ... more
Because it can be dangerous. There are people that have lost jobs over it, lost their children, been exiled from friends and family and so on. It's not socially accepted. You really have to watch who you tell if you have something to lose. Even somebody who you think would accept it may be the one with the biggest issue.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning ... more
Maybe you aren't being nosey enough?
11/16/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Art & Sensation
Hello everybody, I just joined in. Today's my first meeting! (Hopefully not the last. )

I'm already amazed at the array of different views and opinions mentioned. I personally have zero experience with BDSM, except a few times when ... more
Hello, and welcome to your first meeting!
11/16/2011
Contributor: Tessa Taboo Tessa Taboo
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning ... more
That's a good question.
11/16/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning ... more
BDSM is still illegal in many places. If you aren't careful, you can get arrested for unlawful imprisonment or assault... Possibly worse.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
Because it can be dangerous. There are people that have lost jobs over it, lost their children, been exiled from friends and family and so on. It's not socially accepted. You really have to watch who you tell if you have something to lose. Even ... more
That, too. I work in a relatively "forgiving" and "open" field, but it's also involved in Education so I would worry about losing my job.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning ... more
LOL I think you need a button that says Talk to me about your BDSM play"
11/16/2011
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by winterseve
I love that show. I was an anthropology major (as well as pre-nursing major) and polygamy is super interesting from a personal and anthropological view.
Especially when you get to hear Airen speak about her experience. It sounds so natural and simple. (Although the people involved have a lot do it with the experience, I had moments where I envied her).
11/16/2011
Contributor: Tessa Taboo Tessa Taboo
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
BDSM is still illegal in many places. If you aren't careful, you can get arrested for unlawful imprisonment or assault... Possibly worse.
Illegal? How?
11/16/2011
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
Quote:
Originally posted by Jobthingy
LOL I think you need a button that says Talk to me about your BDSM play"
*giggles* That sounds like a great button, I want one too!
11/16/2011
Contributor: Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by Dusk
That, too. I work in a relatively "forgiving" and "open" field, but it's also involved in Education so I would worry about losing my job.
I work in a porn store and I'm really, really open about it (and everything else). People know I'm a freak. Everyone who comes over to my house usually catches glimpses of equipment scattered about. I have no shame. No shame at all.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
Illegal? How?
It can be classified as abuse... as holding somebody prisoner.. as slavery. The law doesn't recognize that there was consent given in most cases.
11/16/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I was just talking to you last night about this sort of thing and convinced you to sign up for that fetlife account.
yup. thanks again, btw.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Noira Noira
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning ... more
Well, at least in Canada it's illegal to consent to abuse, which is probably some of the reason it's kept under wraps. Sadism and masochism does occasionally bring up questionable legality if you assume that someone's psychologically damaged (something that seems to be assumed a lot!) and therefore incapable of making a rational consensual decision...

Of course as a kinkster I believe people are completely able to make the rational decision that they want a good spanking, but not everyone thinks that way, soooooo... hence the undergroundness for that, at least. And for a male submissive, well, heaven forbid he admits he wants to submit! He's not man enough. And for the female submissive? Heaven forbid, she's a bad feminist. And for the male dominant? He's being abusive and misanthropist! Female dominants? COMPENSATING.

Not what I believe. But it's the public opinion. Why do you think BDSM (and almost always F/m) is often used as a joke in media? And of course M/f is used as abusive in media. And gay and lesbian kinksters are pretty much ignored by the spotlight. There's a wrong impression given out that makes it pretty well necessary to keep kinkiness closeted... you can't be sure how someone will react.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Dusk
I don't talk to a lot of people about it because I think in some ways it scares them. There has been too much in the media that blurs the line between BDSM and abuse, and I think people tend to think you're fucked up in the head if you're ... more
I've been there. For sure.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Kitka
*giggles* That sounds like a great button, I want one too!
No, don't you want a "Spank Me" button instead. Would be nice to see that one instead of the "Poke" button on Facebook.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I work in a porn store and I'm really, really open about it (and everything else). People know I'm a freak. Everyone who comes over to my house usually catches glimpses of equipment scattered about. I have no shame. No shame at all.
Me either I routinely wear bondage cuffs to teh grocery store.
11/16/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
I LOVE that show. I really think I could live that life... but I'm totally not religious. So that part kills it for me. Hell, I could even take on a few husbands.
wow! good for you. you should check out fetlife.com, you know?
11/16/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
Illegal? How?
As I said, in the eyes of the law:
Bondage= Unlawful Imprisonment
Impact Play = Assault

Any kind of resistance or pain play can get the police called on you in some states/areas.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Noira Noira
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
No, don't you want a "Spank Me" button instead. Would be nice to see that one instead of the "Poke" button on Facebook.
Do you giggle on forums that have a "submit" button? I do. ^___^
11/16/2011
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
No, don't you want a "Spank Me" button instead. Would be nice to see that one instead of the "Poke" button on Facebook.
Ohhh you're right! I do love my spankings
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Noira
Do you giggle on forums that have a "submit" button? I do. ^___^
I KNEW I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE!
11/16/2011
Contributor: Tessa Taboo Tessa Taboo
SO, I guess, all this new knowledge raises one question for me. Is this something that just kind of... happens? Or can I turn to my hubby and say "I want a BDSM relationship." And we work it out from there. Like, is someone just naturally a dom or sub? Or is it/can it be a learned behavior?
11/16/2011
Contributor: seaofneptune seaofneptune
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
Because it can be dangerous. There are people that have lost jobs over it, lost their children, been exiled from friends and family and so on. It's not socially accepted. You really have to watch who you tell if you have something to lose. Even ... more
That's true unfortunately. With the type of work that I do, I have to keep it between my partner and I - we don't talk with anyone in day to day life. My room mate has a bit of an idea that I am interested in it, but she doesn't know this aspect of our relationship. Which is why I am happy to have knowledgeable people on the internet to help me learn and talk about these things.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Noira
Well, at least in Canada it's illegal to consent to abuse, which is probably some of the reason it's kept under wraps. Sadism and masochism does occasionally bring up questionable legality if you assume that someone's psychologically ... more
I think that if BDSM becomes abuse, it's no longer BDSM. There are safewords so that limits are not crossed.
11/16/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Art & Sensation
Hello everybody, I just joined in. Today's my first meeting! (Hopefully not the last. )

I'm already amazed at the array of different views and opinions mentioned. I personally have zero experience with BDSM, except a few times when ... more
welcome to you and kynky kitty! and dusk as well!
11/16/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Noira
Do you giggle on forums that have a "submit" button? I do. ^___^
Ever after joining fetlife, I can never see a "prev" button opposite the "next" to go back in a picture slideshow without reading "Perv."

They ruined my brain.
11/16/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Noira
Do you giggle on forums that have a "submit" button? I do. ^___^
I do, that's for sure.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
SO, I guess, all this new knowledge raises one question for me. Is this something that just kind of... happens? Or can I turn to my hubby and say "I want a BDSM relationship." And we work it out from there. Like, is someone just ... more
It's both.. though the second route is definitely harder I'd start by asking him how he feels about it.. unless you want to be the dominant
11/16/2011