EdenKink - Types of BDSM Relationships - Wednesday, November 16th, 2011 @ 8pm ET

Contributor: Kitka Kitka
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
The next rung in the ladder, from where I sit, would be the dominant/submissive dynamic. Don't get me wrong! There are all sorts of other dynamics in between play partners and big d/little s, but for clarity's sake (since we've got so ... more
I think a D/s relationship is a big commitment. A lot of times there are more emotions involved than just casual play partners. There's also a great amount of trust that goes into a D/s relationship.. or there should be anyway. Daddy and I have been married for 10 years and I trust him completely, so I feel I could not submit to anyone else other than him.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
A collaring ceremony? (First, before I get into this, I hope not to offend anyone, but I'm never going to learn if I don't ask, so I'm sorry....lol) I'm pretty sure I can imagine what a collaring ceremony is, but, are there a lot of ... more
It's okay! You gotta start somewhere!

There are relationships like these that are 24/7. For example, I am owned completely by Melen, and submit to him 24/7. ... When I'm not acting like I don't know my place, that is. =D
11/16/2011
Contributor: Tessa Taboo Tessa Taboo
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
For those of you who need a little BDSM 101, here is a link to a WONDERFUL article that explains the basics of it and is a really great read.

link

I love all the stuff on there. There's also wonderful information on ... more
Thanks!
11/16/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
Im pretty sure Im just gonna stop talking now, because my lack of knowledge is being jumped on. And im here to learn not feel guilty and idiotic for not knowing. So ill just read from now on.



i hugs you. not to worry lady. me myself i'm a total dunce when it comes to this stuff. i think alot of people have no idea! us EFers are getting ahead of the mainstream just be being here and learning. i hug you.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
The next rung in the ladder, from where I sit, would be the dominant/submissive dynamic. Don't get me wrong! There are all sorts of other dynamics in between play partners and big d/little s, but for clarity's sake (since we've got so ... more
My thought would be more of a committed tie between the 2 instead of the more casual.
11/16/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
For those of you who need a little BDSM 101, here is a link to a WONDERFUL article that explains the basics of it and is a really great read.

link

I love all the stuff on there. There's also wonderful information on ... more
speaking of which, has anyone seen the tv series 'sister wives?'

its a real life series following a polyamorous family with one man and 4 wives.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole



i hugs you. not to worry lady. me myself i'm a total dunce when it comes to this stuff. i think alot of people have no idea! us EFers are getting ahead of the mainstream just be being here and learning. i hug you.
I was just talking to you last night about this sort of thing and convinced you to sign up for that fetlife account.
11/16/2011
Contributor: seaofneptune seaofneptune
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
To me there is a commitment there. Being a dominant and having a sub is a huge commitment to that person. It's a lot of trust and it's very intimate but specifics... that's impossible. There are so many variations. Even my owner and I ... more
I agree, I was trying to figure out how I was going to word it for myself and you said it exactly.
11/16/2011
Contributor: winterseve winterseve
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
For those of you who need a little BDSM 101, here is a link to a WONDERFUL article that explains the basics of it and is a really great read.

link

I love all the stuff on there. There's also wonderful information on ... more
Thank you! That's a great chunk for me and my hubby to read. I think the more I can put into words what I want, and the more I can find for him to read, the more he'll be willing to try things or let me find a play partner.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
A collaring ceremony? (First, before I get into this, I hope not to offend anyone, but I'm never going to learn if I don't ask, so I'm sorry....lol) I'm pretty sure I can imagine what a collaring ceremony is, but, are there a lot of ... more
For me I do this 24/7 ... as does Rayne.. not sure about anybody else. Collaring ceremonies vary depending on the people. Some have them to symbolize the commitment to eachother.. others use them almost like wedding ceremonies. There are people that only do BDSM in the bedroom and that's fine, then there are some that live it all the time no matter where they are. I don't leave the house without letting my owner know.. I Don't buy anything without mentioning it to him first if it's for the house, etc.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Noira Noira
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
The next rung in the ladder, from where I sit, would be the dominant/submissive dynamic. Don't get me wrong! There are all sorts of other dynamics in between play partners and big d/little s, but for clarity's sake (since we've got so ... more
It's less casual. It's no longer about playing. But there's always a lot of control still in the submissive's hands because in a D/s relationship there's always going to be consent rather than an assumed overall consent.

Where playing is about scratching an itch, D/s becomes a sort of lifestyle where the power exchange is disbalanced in favor of one partner. It's different because as play partners, everyone is calling the shots. It's about mutual agreement. D/s is about mutual consent... where one partner is consenting to being submissive and the other is consenting to taking control.

Honestly, the D/s spectrum is the part where I have the most trouble. I ID as a sadist (the more you know...!) and as a woman I'd love to be in a D/s relationship where I can be a D in the traditional sense, but everyone who wants a female D wants something I just don't ID as.

I would say that it seems to be the most common dynamic, at least from where I stand as a poster on the internet. It's less severe than the Master/slave dynamic and it's less wrapped up in sadism and masochism (therefore psychologically less 'frightening', I suppose), even though it is still about s and m.

You can have a submissive sadist. You can have a dominant masochist. D/s is about the psychological view of what you are, and it doesn't have to include s/m at all. Play partners are about the kink. D/s is about the mindset.

In my opinion. ;-)
11/16/2011
Contributor: Tessa Taboo Tessa Taboo
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
speaking of which, has anyone seen the tv series 'sister wives?'

its a real life series following a polyamorous family with one man and 4 wives.
I LOVE that show. I really think I could live that life... but I'm totally not religious. So that part kills it for me. Hell, I could even take on a few husbands.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
speaking of which, has anyone seen the tv series 'sister wives?'

its a real life series following a polyamorous family with one man and 4 wives.
I think that's polygamy, actually. That's when one man marries more than one wife. Similar concept, though.

There's so many pesky terms out there that can get crazy.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Starkiller87 Starkiller87
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
Exactly. For some people some of the definitions can be hurtful to them so when they try to explain otherwise they get really intense about it. I'm not going to lie about it.. I have absolutely bitten one of my friends heads off because they ... more
I understand it is an intense things, and people take it very serious. I wasnt trying to belittle anyone by my definition or exclude anyone. I just think wording is important in explain things to the person who doesnt know and not jumping to bitting someones heads off (which isnt what happened im not saying anyone took it that far) Like everyone said were all here to learn. Continue on.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
Late again *shakes head* Hi everyone!
11/16/2011
Contributor: Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by Tessa Taboo
I LOVE that show. I really think I could live that life... but I'm totally not religious. So that part kills it for me. Hell, I could even take on a few husbands.
link
11/16/2011
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
Quote:
Originally posted by Dusk
Late again *shakes head* Hi everyone!
Welcome!
11/16/2011
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Hello, I'm just checking what's up here tonight. I'm not that much into BDSM myself. I much prefer fantasizing about it through erotica and a little bit of porn. I do like casual bondage, blindfolding and that's pretty much it. Oh and a little bit of control, but just so.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Noira Noira
Quote:
Originally posted by Dusk
Late again *shakes head* Hi everyone!
Hi! You just missed the tea.
11/16/2011
Contributor: seaofneptune seaofneptune
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
It's okay! You gotta start somewhere!

There are relationships like these that are 24/7. For example, I am owned completely by Melen, and submit to him 24/7. ... When I'm not acting like I don't know my place, that is. =D ... more
Ha ha, that is how I feel about my relationship with my partner too.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Art & Sensation Art & Sensation
Hello everybody, I just joined in. Today's my first meeting! (Hopefully not the last. )

I'm already amazed at the array of different views and opinions mentioned. I personally have zero experience with BDSM, except a few times when we tried out blindfolding and some power-shift roleplay.

I'll be leaning back, gathering information. Generally do what I do best; lurking forums. :p
11/16/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I think that's polygamy, actually. That's when one man marries more than one wife. Similar concept, though.

There's so many pesky terms out there that can get crazy.
Yeah, Sister Wives is about polygamy.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
speaking of which, has anyone seen the tv series 'sister wives?'

its a real life series following a polyamorous family with one man and 4 wives.
I am totally closet addicted to that show
11/16/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Art & Sensation
Hello everybody, I just joined in. Today's my first meeting! (Hopefully not the last. )

I'm already amazed at the array of different views and opinions mentioned. I personally have zero experience with BDSM, except a few times when ... more
Hey awesome! Welcome. Hope we learn ya sumin.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
Quote:
Originally posted by Art & Sensation
Hello everybody, I just joined in. Today's my first meeting! (Hopefully not the last. )

I'm already amazed at the array of different views and opinions mentioned. I personally have zero experience with BDSM, except a few times when ... more
Welcome, glad you could make it
11/16/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Taylor
Yeah it works for us, because we both like the power aspect of the relationship but it was making us both unhappy to try and make the other person into something we are not, so having him get is sadistic side taken care of with someone else seemed ... more
wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning about it, as universal and commonplace as being hetero, homo, pan, bi or transsexual. but i know plenty of trans, bi, hetero and homosexual people. how come people dont talk about their BDSM play? or i guess, how come they dont talk about it with ME!?
11/16/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
I understand it is an intense things, and people take it very serious. I wasnt trying to belittle anyone by my definition or exclude anyone. I just think wording is important in explain things to the person who doesnt know and not jumping to bitting ... more
Absolutely. I bit this persons head off because he was talking down to me.. that's not what happens here. However, emotion doesn't translate in print well sometimes so it could have been meant in a completely helpful way if somebody explains something.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Dusk
Late again *shakes head* Hi everyone!
Hey, but at least we're only half way through this time! Glad to see you, Dusk.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
wow. see i dont even know anyone (to my knowledge! who's to say they're not keeping it underwraps) who participates in BDSM.

why is it so underground and hush hush? this type of lifestyle for sex to me seems, now that i'm learning ... more
You know me, lady! And I was just talking to you last night about it. Sheesh! You give me no credit! Haha!
11/16/2011
Contributor: winterseve winterseve
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
speaking of which, has anyone seen the tv series 'sister wives?'

its a real life series following a polyamorous family with one man and 4 wives.
I love that show. I was an anthropology major (as well as pre-nursing major) and polygamy is super interesting from a personal and anthropological view.
11/16/2011