#EdenLit - (08.2012) - Open Topic - Growing up

#EdenLit - (08.2012) - Open Topic - Growing up

ChuChii ChuChii
Nothing in my life has ever made sense until I met them.

I was born December 25 1990, to young parents. My mom was 17 turning 18 at the time, and as for my father he was bout 20. My parents had the worst relationship ever, and if it wasn't for my mom saving me, I wouldn't be writing this. My father, whom I call a sperm donor, used to man handle and control my mom. I was too young to understand what was going on. Finally my mom left my dad. They went to court and fought over me. I don't understand why, but I'll get to that in a minute.

My Father used to promise me the world but he would always lie and break his promise. I got over it and got used to the fact that my father would never come back to see me. I was 3 at the time when my mom and I went to Coney Island. She met a guy who was about 22 and they dated. He treated me like his kid but not as much as he wanted to. This man became my stepfather and about 4 years into their relationship my mom got pregnant. I was happy but at the same time I hated the fact I had to share my mommy. All the attention went to my younger sister Aliyah and I would always get yelled at. I would always look for attention but never really got it. I got seen my dad again and found out that I had another sister named Christina.

As the years progressed I got a little attached to my sister until my mom became pregnant 4 years later, and had my brother Miguel. The more kids my mom popped out the less attention I got. I have finally seen my dad again, this time was at my grandpa's funeral. It wasn't a happy day, and what even made it worse, was that my family was telling me that my own father said I wasn't his flesh and blood.Only because I had braces and I Wear glasses and his side of the family doesn't. So I confronted him and he told me he wanted a "Father- Daughter relationship", really so I'm your daughter now?.

Maybe 2 years passed by and I have seen him again at another funeral, my grandma & aunt had passed away. I had also found out that I have another brother named Xavier Tristian. I wasn't paying any mind to my father, I hate being at funerals and then to my youngest uncle in handcuffs and chains. He couldn't even hug me, I wanted to cry but he told me to be strong. I just couldn't do it.

About 5 years had passed by that I moved to Florida, to get away from the drama and the pain I was causing my family. Junior high school, I started learning about sex and it wasn't because of Sex Ed class. I started dating boys and getting into trouble, When I was 14 I thought I was the shit, dating an 18 year old, smoking weed, and drinking.That's when I started skipping class and not even going to school, but making my parents think I was an angel. I got into fist fights with boys and girls. I didn't care, my motto was "you talk shit you get smacked" So I went with it, someone would talk shit about me and I would confront them. The deans knew me very well but I wouldn't even get into trouble.

Me and my ex had broken up, and I had started dating a 25 year old drug dealer while I was 16. My friends and I would smoke weed with him and just cut class. I was wild for my age, I would have sex with him everywhere even on the staircase while my friends were right there. No one cared, We had our own little click and whatever happened to stand between us. After a while me and the drug dealer broke up, I was getting tired of him, and he was running away because he owed people money. I moved on, to a younger guy that was in my school, long story short I took his virginity away, and pretty much made him what he is today. We broke up and it hurt me, I really did like him but he was too young minded. I then started dating his friend who I fell in love with, and every time we had sex we called it the cookies and cream factory. Just because he is black and I'm Spanish. After a while he broke my heart and in the classes we would fight over dumb shit.

That's when I moved because I had gotten into more fights and disrespecting some of the teachers, where I made a few of them cry, Daily. We moved to Florida, I hated it, I knew no one, I couldn't smoke weed, I didn't have any friends, and I felt alone, but I'm glad we did move because if we would have stayed in New York, I would have been pregnant at a young age, I would have never finished school, and I would have probably ran away. Even in Florida I got into fights or cursed out the teacher, and the deans and coached knew me, so I would just hang out with them, But I wasn't as wild I was in New York. In 2009 I graduated high school.

After a few months we went back to New York for a visit, I went to Dr. Jay's sneaker store where my uncle from my father's side works. No later than 15 minutes, a little boy walks in about 5 - 6 years old. My uncle tells me that little boy is my brother Xavier. I looked at him and started crying. My father came right behind him, I cried even more. Me and Frankie ( my father) talked outside and I confronted him about how I felt and how he fucked up my life, and that he could visit me but he chose not to.He tried to throw my mom under the bus, but I wasn't going to let that slide, He then asked me if I was pregnant, and if I was having sex. Why would you ask that ?. I answer him anyway. My concern was that why is it that you can take care of this child that's a boy but can't take care of your two daughters? Is it because we are girls ? He wanted a boy, but guess what we came out with a pussy not a dick.

After that I just shut him down again, only because he's a liar and doesn't care about me or my sister. In 2011 I started going to College for Medical Office Administration, Didn't finish yet. During that time somewhere in march I started talking to a guy named Socrates, I fell in love with him the day we started talking, and fell even deeper the day I kissed him.It's been Almost 2 years, and he makes me see everything differently, my life as never made any sense till he came along, yes we fight and argue but he taught me how to control my anger, and talk my problems out instead of using my hands. He taught me what true love really is. And I appreciate that so much.Me being a 21 year old female, I can say I'm strong, But I do regret a lot of things in my past, but then again I don't because that helps me become who I am now. And I know I would be a great mother and role model to my kids, when I have one.

Till this day I haven't heard from my father, but I have heard I was having another brother, but I forgot what his name is, but what still kills me is that my brothers and sister will never know, they have an older sister to talk to, But until then I have my Aliyah, Miguel and the newest member Mathew. I love him to death, he is my mini me & my fiance Socrates.But thanks to my siblings and my fiance, they helped my grow up and make sense of my life.
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interestingstuff interestingstuff
That's some powerful shit. This experience is a lot like my sister's, except that through all the things that happened, although she has calmed down a bit, she hasn't yet come to the clarity you(if it is your personal story, or based on your experiences) have been able to reach . I'm happy to hear that your life is going smoother now. Thanks for sharing.
ChuChii ChuChii
Originally posted by interestingstuff
That's some powerful shit. This experience is a lot like my sister's, except that through all the things that happened, although she has calmed down a bit, she hasn't yet come to the clarity you(if it is your personal story, or based on ...
Well I hope she does, and Yeah this is a personal story, but thank you for commenting on it , and Your welcome, I love to share about my life and just help other people in the same situation.
travelnurse travelnurse
You do really good with your writing!!!
ChuChii ChuChii
Thank you so much travelnurse
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 3