#EdenLit - (03.2012) Critical Review - Second Person Narrative - That Night

#EdenLit - (03.2012) Critical Review - Second Person Narrative - That Night

Destri Destri
That Night

You were wearing your turquoise dress... the one that you said was the color of the waters of the Caribbean that you had seen in photographs. You were wearing your Bisbee turquoise necklace; with its streaks of black and copper slashing through the stones like lightening caught in a bottle. Your jet black hair was pulled up in a bun, imitating the Navajo ways that you knew so well. You were a vision to behold that night.

Of course you wanted to look your best. Shawn was going to be at the party and you had such a crush on him! Up to now he hadn't seemed to notice you at all, but you were determined that tonight would be different. As you made a last-minute check of your make-up and applied some of your favorite perfume to your ample cleavage, you smiled, thinking of how you were going to flirt your ass off tonight.

The party was in full swing when you got there. People were in little groups, sipping their beer and talking about a myriad of subjects. You idly accepted a beer from someone as you looked around for Shawn. It was his place, so no telling where he was. You went to the kitchen and there he was, talking to some guys from his class. Shawn taught American Sign Language at the junior college, which is where you met him.

You went over by where they were talking under the pretext of getting some snacks that were sitting out on the table. Shawn looked up at you and smiled. His smile warmed the entire room and you smiled back, thankful that he had noticed you. While you nibbled on your celery stick, he finished his conversation with the guys and walked over next to you. Your heart was thumping so loudly you felt sure everyone in the room could hear it. You felt flush and hoped that it wasn't as noticeable as it felt.

“Hey, Marie! How are you tonight? I'm really glad you made it.” The sound of his voice was like the verbal equivalent of eating chocolate in a bubble bath filled with rose petals and Johnny Depp, it was just that sexy. You felt even more tingly than you had just a moment before.

“Hi Shawn. Thanks for inviting me, I wouldn't have missed it for the world.”

Suddenly he said, “What is that fantastic perfume you're wearing?” and he shoved his face right into your cleavage, right between your breasts, and took a deep breath. It was so startling, you jumped. But you named the perfume quickly before he had a chance to move. He looked up from your breasts and smiled a mischievous smile.

“Well, it is very nice.” He stood back up and smiled at you again. His eyes twinkled like candlelight reflecting in stained glass.

Some other people called his name, and he went into the living room to talk to them. You felt flush and wondered if your face was as red as it felt. Sipping your beer, you wandered over to talk to a couple of people you knew from class. They didn't seem to notice that you weren't really paying attention to what they were talking about. Your eyes followed Shawn around the room.

The night seemed endless and filled with people who wanted to take up Shawn's time. All you did was watch him, feeling more and more silly and stupid. If he was interested, he sure didn't show it. As it got late, the crowd finally thinned and you went looking for him, hoping to keep him to yourself for a bit.

You found him in the hall, but before you could walk up to him, another guy walked up to him. They touched hands in a very intimate way. Your heart was pounding as you watched Shawn whisper something into the guy's ear and the guy blushed and laughed. As you turned to walk away, you caught just a glimpse of them kissing.

No wonder you had never gotten anywhere with him! He was gay. Well, he surely hid it well. You felt so hurt and stupid, you just left and went home. Less than two weeks later, Shawn was arrested for trying to sell cocaine to two undercover cops on the campus. A month later, he shot himself in the head.

And you? You lived through it. You survived the shock, the wonder and the pain at his sad decision to take his own life rather than face the consequences of his arrest. It would be a few years before you came to terms with the fact that you were actually gay as well. You thought about him from time to time, and sent good energy to him where ever he was. You never wore that dress again. Funny how things turn out.
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Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
I am thinking this might be a bit more than just a fictional second perspective story. This account really shows the power that second perspective can have. I was wrapped up in the story, excited and nervous, then startled and a bit miffed, followed by shocked and hurt. When it wrapped up at the end in forgiveness I felt as though I had suffered all the stages of grief in a mere five minutes.

Very well done!
Destri Destri
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I am thinking this might be a bit more than just a fictional second perspective story. This account really shows the power that second perspective can have. I was wrapped up in the story, excited and nervous, then startled and a bit miffed, followed ...
Thank you, Airen. And yes, you are very perceptive, this is a true story.
Cedarlooman Cedarlooman
Very powerful and great use of the perspective. *thumbs up*
Total posts: 4
Unique posters: 3