Making positive changes; how does it really work?

We've all heard it said many times and it's the truth that you can't always control what happens around you but you can control your response to it.

For quite a few years I have been trying to make positive changes in my life and for the most part, it has been successful. I try to take a moment to ascertain if the situation is one that I can change and if not, I know that it's not worth the stress I will put on my body if I stew over it or in some way make myself miserable. Most times this works, but not always. I realize there will be times when I've had it up to here, and I can't tolerate one more rotten thing, but I am not going to beat myself up over the fact that I need an occasional meltdown.

The problem with trying to be more positive is that there is SOOO much out of our control---I can't change the personality of my boss, what my neighbors do, how other people drive, the weather, a professor's nastiness or the stupid school policies, etc., so I'm right back to having to change my reaction to all those things. It is not easy, but it is the only real choice we have. If we are dealing with something that we have the power to affect, then that is a different matter.

For me, taking some time to stop and put on some soothing music, meditating, walking through a very green, natural setting, and having sufficient orgasms helps me to get rid of the sharp bits I may have picked up during the day. I don't have children, so doing these things may be easier for me than it is for people who do have kids.

A few years back I was working at a job which I didn't love but it was pretty much the only thing going on in my life. I was sick of being miserable all the time so I invented a sort of "mantra" for myself and tried to keep it in mind at all times. It really did help just to remember, like merinus said, that while I couldn't control what happened to me, I could control my reaction to it. It wasn't always easy, especially because I anger so easily, and I rarely think about that mantra anymore these days (maybe I should) but when I was making that effort, it did help.

I remember when we had to read "7 Habits of High Effective Teens" my freshman year of high school. There was a section about thinking positively, taking responsibility for your emotions, and being proactive instead of reactive. I thought the author obviously had no idea what he was talking about; it's hard to be positive sometimes when you feel like the sky is falling, even when it seems trivial in hindsight.

Some time later, though, I noticed that whenever a friend came to me for advice about some new teen angst drama, I would advise them to be proactive about it, to try and control how they felt about upsetting situations. In short, I was pretty much a hypocrite, spouting a fountain of wisdom that I didn't take seriously myself. So I forced myself to listen to my own advice. It wasn't easy to form the habit, and I'm sure I've slipped out of it as of late. I definitely have to keep reminding myself to not freak out when something crazy is going down.

That's a good one Miss C. For a while, I was also trying to mentally be grateful for all the blessings in my life and it does help with your outlook. I think when you become a mom especially, you are so overwhelmed that it is hard to stop and take the time to do it.

I have made positive - and permanent changes to my own personality - and I've seen others do it. But does that mean that the technique can be used to solve every problem you encounter? Well maybe - but for me the answer is no, I still struggle mightily with things I'd like to change but have had mixed or inconsistent success with. My way of staying positive is evidenced by how I characterize my failures as 'inconsistent success'.

Still trying!