Guys and anal, why the obsession?

I think it depends on how it is approached. My Man wanted to try it along time ago, (not counting the "OOOOOPS I missed." stuff.) At first I was like, "Um, I don't think so." Then he gradually introduced me to gentle anal stim, petting and eventually anal sex.

The first time, I didn't really dig it, but I think I wasn't ready. We did a few more days (or maybe it was weeks) of gentle petting, stimulation, him just using a finger, then two, really keeping me excited otherwise (using oral sex, during anal stim on the woman can do wonders for her perceptions and sexualization of anal play!) the entire time etc and eventually the next time, we used a lot of lube and it was GREAT!

That was quite a while ago, (OK, about 2 years, but we have been having sex together for more than 20 years, so it's still new to us) and we enjoy it quite a bit.

At first I asked him what he liked about it. He said it really feels totally different than PIV sex, and I KNOW when we watch porn, he stiffens up like crazy when there's an anal scene. I remember, while we were still working on it, realizing this and thinking, "Not only does he really like watching that, it's turning me on, too. We have to work on this and make it work for us." We did just that. I also found that if I have at least one orgasm or more before we start anal sex, it is a lot easier, as I am so relaxed and I will almost always have more while we are doing it.

People tend to think "the woman doesn't have any reason to get excited about anal sex." We don't have a prostate gland, but the anus is rich in nerve endings and the experience, especially, for me, if a dildo is used in the vagina, can be nearly overwhelmingly erotic! I think the "nastiness" factor plays into it, as well. I know that was one draw for me. "We aren't 'supposed' to be doing this. Let's DO IT!" I tend to like breaking rules and staid "moral ideals" and things like that. (And, if done properly, carefully and at first, gently, there is nothing really physically "wrong" with anal sex. A few people have had bad experiences, but often those may be from an overenthusiastic partner, not enough preparation, not enough lube, or really resenting doing it and clenching too much. Of course, anyone who has had serious injury to the anus, to the point of needing surgery, should probably be checked out to make sure it is safe for them.)

I get a really deep emotional and physical attachment to My Man when we have anal sex. It is different than oral sex, different than PIV sex, different than manual sex, it makes me feel like I'm in a altered state (especially if I have had at least one orgasm first, but even if I haven't, it is really an amazing feeling.) The first time we actually succeeded without any discomfort (the first time I wasn't ready, and it was uncomfortable, but not awful) he kept telling me how much he loved me and how fantastic it was, and was I enjoying it, and what I Good Girl I was, and those feelings of sexual love have just carried over to every time we engage in this type of sex, which for us is about every other time we have sexual contact or so.

Not to mention, for a lot of people, woman and men, it just feels GOOD!

And you need to trust your partner.

"Dirty" like in "hot and nasty" or "dirty" like in "unhygienic?" I just wonder, because washing carefully, making sure the rectum is empty, and even going to the extent of using a condom, if she worries about "accidents" (which in several years of anal we've never had) one can cut down the "unhygienic" aspects of anal sex. Most receivers can just make sure they have emptied their bowels recently and some need to cleanse with a light anal douche, most can just make sure they are empty naturally and just clean well and use a lot of lubricant.

If it's Dirty as in "hot and nasty" it is often the reason a lot of people are drawn to it. I know it was one of the "selling points" of the whole thing for My Man and me it still is.

It takes all kinds. My Man "trained" me in this form of sex, gradually, starting with sharing porn with anal in it, (and I found myself intrigued, to a huge extent) and then gentle manual stim, lots of compliments about how well I was doing with it, then very gentle finger insertion and a little rimming, and although we tried "beginner toys" first, I didn't like them then, so we then went to "just the tip" penetration and then on to bigger () and more advanced things.

I also found reading erotica with anal sex in it very helpful in my desire for it. Eden has a lot of good books about the subject and nearly everything edited by Alison Tyler or most video porn by Tristan Taromino has tasteful, but hot anal scenes in them.

Many women need to have an orgasm first, before they are relaxed enough to accept anal sex, and they need to know and be told they are doing well, compliments about her ass, and how hot she is will get you everywhere! At least that works for me. I can say I really like a lot of anal toys now, and we participate in this kind of play regularly. When he first asked me, I was like "No fucking way. Are you crazy?" He's a very skilled lover and a persuasive man, and he taught me a lot about getting to know my own sexual needs. He was always gentle and slow and full of compliments.

It's all good for us now.

Good luck. You can't "make her" like it or want it, (mentioning it too often will turn her off. You have to gauge how often to bring it up. If she gets upset, leave it alone for a while.) but occasionally bringing up the subject, sensual touching of her butt during sex (no penetration at first) and making sure she gets exactly what she needs, sexually first is really helpful.

Gun, did you threaten to spank your wife, too? (Yet an other tactic that works for me, oddly enough.)



Huge smile.

P'Gell:

Good idea - but no the wife and I don't have that kind of dynamic, I guess I'm not quite the Alpha-male type.

For me it's a Rolling Stones 'life' - You can't always get what you want - but if you try sometimes, you just might find - you get what you need!