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Contributor: itismedi itismedi
I have had a couple of relationships that involved anal and BDSM. My husband and I have an awesome sex life that I would not trade for the world. However, we have never had successful anal. It always hurts too much. I cannot figure out why I cannot with him. It isn't like it is my first time although it has been over a decade at this point. SO FRUSTRATED!
THANKS for any advice!
06/04/2014
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Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by itismedi
I have had a couple of relationships that involved anal and BDSM. My husband and I have an awesome sex life that I would not trade for the world. However, we have never had successful anal. It always hurts too much. I cannot figure out why I cannot ... more
Oh my. Relax. The fact you are willing to try is 99% if the battle. You don't give a lot of details here about how you tried anal that "hurt too much", but I can tell you, the "typical" way "everyone" does it..ie, Doggy Style, doesn't work for me, and never did. I am an anal fanatic and yet there are only three positions that work for me, and are totally comfortable. Maybe they will work for you too.

1. I lay on the bed on my back, with my rear end hanging over the side. Hubby stands between my legs (standing on the floor), I put my feet on his chest or else have my ankles resting on his shoulders, and he can then enter me vaginally or anally, with great control, and comfort too. As always, LOTS of lube...twice what you think you need, and GO SLOW if new to this. You, the "receiver" always call the shots. You can hold his hips and guide him in this position too. It's our favorite. We can also look each other in the eye. His hands are free to play with my clit or vagina (or both) or use a toy on me, fondle my breasts, whatever. It's great.

2. I lay on my side, top leg over and bent (like it shows on the Fleets enema packages...although we don't use pre anal enemas). I lay with my rear hanging over the edge of the bed, again, with hubby standing behind me and penetrating me that way. VERY comfortable, but not terribly deep penetration.

3. Once you are a bit more advanced, you can do both of the above with him laying in bed with you, but it makes for a bit more acrobatics to line up and more work for him to thrust, but it's better for a long day of anal play and cuddling (he can only stand for so long)!

Combine these with a THICK gel lube (always worked best for us) and you should be good to go with a lot of gain and no pain!

Good luck!!! Have fun.
06/08/2014
Contributor: CE CE
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Oh my. Relax. The fact you are willing to try is 99% if the battle. You don't give a lot of details here about how you tried anal that "hurt too much", but I can tell you, the "typical" way "everyone" does it..ie, ... more
Bignuf is right - interest in receiving is key, along with a gel lube. The original basic KY has been the best for me. Doggy can be tricky because there are a lot of variables (are your knees spread, are you leaning back, are you up on your hands or down on your shoulders) all of which change the angle of entry which can cause him to poke you inside uncomfortably.

Whats worked best for me 20+ years is for my partner to lay on her stomach while I lay on top of her to enter her. My knees hold me up, but I can grind or thrust easily. She can control the depth by arching her back or not. We have full body contact and I can wrap my arm around her neck for tender holding, or to be more dominating.

Another position that works comfortably for the receiver is spooning. She can wiggle herself back onto me so that its under her control - both speed and depth.

Of course the other BIG issue is warmup. Are you trying to start right away with anal? Some women are much more relaxed after an orgasm or two. Are you starting with a tongue, fingers, toys to work up to him size-wise? You may need to slowly stretch and take your time before something larger can be comfortable. It could take several weeks of stretching play before intercourse is possible. Take your time and enjoy it all!
06/09/2014
Contributor: LoveReImagined LoveReImagined
Quote:
Originally posted by itismedi
I have had a couple of relationships that involved anal and BDSM. My husband and I have an awesome sex life that I would not trade for the world. However, we have never had successful anal. It always hurts too much. I cannot figure out why I cannot ... more
I think that Bignuf and CE both had amazing advice for this, but I too am curious as to what might be making this "hurt too much". Do you have any theories for what could be making this so uncomfortable even with your past experiences?

I would say that my husband and I are fairly new to anal, although we've been doing it pretty regularly for almost a decade now. There are breaks off and on..which always seems to complicate things. After even just a month of a break it feels like I am an anal virgin again. But I can assure you...it doesn't take very long to get back into it.

We almost ALWAYS start off with things going "normal". Foreplay, touching, carressing...etc. That always leads to vaginal sex. Which can THEN lead to anal. BUT..if I am feeling tense and not completely relaxed, then we ALWAYS start with a backrub. The ongoing joke is to call it a baaaackrub. I will be completely naked, and have my hubs give me a very nice, relaxing and sexy backrub. Then start with the fingering and orgasms, then it's a little vaginal sex, then proceed to anal. VERY...VERY...SLOWLY.

We have been through SO many lubes that it's insane. I swear we could have bought another car with the money that we have spent on trying different lubes just to find the perfect one for anal. We have finally find the best one ever. It's Swiss Navy Silicone Lubricant by MD Science Labs. It's pretty expensive but sooo worth it.

So, now the foreplay and lube is covered. Now..position. What position are you trying to get the job done in? What works for us, and is most comfortable for me is to start with me laying flat on my stomach. My hubs will enter very slowly and is very patient in letting me stretch and become comfortable with being stuffed with cock in my ass. Then, the thrusting. Again, like I said...VERY slowly. Once I'm comfortable completely, things get pretty crazy pretty quickly. The trick is getting started because once you're comfy and super into it..it's really easy to change positions.

I'm very curious to hear the details of what's going on that is making you so uncomfortable and hope this could be some help. GOOD LUCK and try to be patient even with yourself. Our assholes seem to be the only body parts that don't exactly do what we want them to all the time.
06/10/2014
Contributor: inkky inkky
I've found that wearing a well lubed butt plug for an hour or so beforehand helps make insertion easier. Just take it out right before he goes in. Make sure to use lots of lube, take it as slow as you feel you need to, and try to relax as much as possible.
06/11/2014