The New Intimacy

I think desensitizers get a bad rap

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Contributor: Janene Janene
I am prepared to get yelled at for this. But to me it's true.

I think if they are used sensibly, they can be helpful. I'm still relatively new to anal, and we do use one. However, we ONLY apply it right to the anal opening. Just a tiny bit around the rim and and slightly inside about 1/4 inch.

We never use it inside and deeper than that. So, really, all it does is take the pain off the opening. He's pretty thick. Once it's in, we're fine. It's getting it there. I get nervous, I tense up.

I've never had any negative side effects. I suppose if he went charging in like a bull, maybe. But he's still pretty easy on me. I wouldn't do it if it hurt.
04/24/2013
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Contributor: GONE! GONE!
I agree. I think they're okay to use as long as the people using it are following every other safety rule to minimize all risks. Like, they should be using lots of lube with it, etc.
04/24/2013
Contributor: Istanbull Istanbull
You need to practice more and use desensatizer less. You need to learn to just relax and train yourself to open up and accept him instead of tighteneing up. Why not have him finger you with lube before he penetrates you? Have him slip one finger in and press to the side as he massages your rectum. When your anus starts to relax he can slip another finger in. Keep doing this until he has a solid three fingers in you at least. He also should make sure you orgasm EVERY TIME while he is penetrating your ass. This helps train your respons to him. It's called "Orgasmic conditioning". You should also do this to yourself as part of your daily shower routine. Finger yourself as you masturbate and as you relax get another one it and as deep as you can. When you get 2-4 fingers in you bring yourself to orgasm. Soon you will notice your ass seems to relax and open up in anticipation of being penetrated when ever you become aroused.
05/03/2013
Contributor: babyrock babyrock
hmm, interesting. doesn't that take away the good sensations?
05/10/2013
Contributor: clockwork451 clockwork451
I would never use one. I agree that you need to practice relaxing more.
05/22/2013
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Janene
I am prepared to get yelled at for this. But to me it's true.

I think if they are used sensibly, they can be helpful. I'm still relatively new to anal, and we do use one. However, we ONLY apply it right to the anal opening. Just a ... more
Thanks for being honest with that. As a long time, big fan of anal play, my hubby and I do use some mild Benzocaine containing lubes and use them much as you describe. So, I am not yelling at you at all. It has worked for me for better then 40 years, safely. It is all pleasure, no pain for me, thank you.
06/09/2013
Contributor: Nezzie13 Nezzie13
I can see how it can be helpful, and you sound like you're being quite careful, but doesn't that take away some of the pleasure? For me part of the thrill is being filled, and part is the sensation of him sliding across my sphincter. If I used a desensitizer or a numbing agent I'd miss out on the latter sensation, so I've never had any interest in them.
06/09/2013
Contributor: Lady of the Lab Lady of the Lab
I agree that desensitizers can be used sensibly; however, I am still not going to use them because by taking away pain, I might not be as aware of being hurt. Also I believe that it's better to go without because you can be more aware of relaxing the anal spichnters.
06/09/2013
Contributor: No-nita No-nita
Nope nope nope. I can never get behind the use of these things. If it hurts (and we know there's a difference between good hurt and bad hurt), you slow down or you stop. Desensitizers can, have and will end in a lot worse than the initial discomfort of anal.
06/10/2013
Contributor: CE CE
Quote:
Originally posted by No-nita
Nope nope nope. I can never get behind the use of these things. If it hurts (and we know there's a difference between good hurt and bad hurt), you slow down or you stop. Desensitizers can, have and will end in a lot worse than the initial ... more
It sounds like you are using them sensibly, but I'm still not a fan (although I've never used one.) I think more warming up and slowly increasing the size you take before he tries to get in might work better. Start with a finger, then maybe a toy or 2 that are in between your finger size and his penis. If you do enough anal, over time you'll be able to consciously relax more and it will get easier and easier.

Be careful and have fun!
06/11/2013
Contributor: MrWill MrWill
Quote:
Originally posted by Janene
I am prepared to get yelled at for this. But to me it's true.

I think if they are used sensibly, they can be helpful. I'm still relatively new to anal, and we do use one. However, we ONLY apply it right to the anal opening. Just a ... more
I won't ever understand the point of killing a pain response (which can lead to injury) to be able to have anal sex. More so than the deadening the nerves to limit pain, I don't see why I would want to or could encourage anyone to use something that numbs the asshole when it provides some rather enthralling stimulation.
06/11/2013