Strength tolerancy: Not compatible?

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Strength tolerancy: Not compatible?

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Contributor: Deeder Deeder
So I have a bit of a dilemma. It's no secret (as I've mentioned it in numerous places on the forums before) that I have never been able to reach an orgasm, in any way, shape, or form. I do have ONE TOY (my Egg Ecstasy) that gets me going to the point where I'll start thinking "Maybe, this time...", but so far there has been no payoff. While it would make sense for me to just keep trying, it seems that the more I try the more of a fairy tale completion is. Why?

Well, the only way I can get this toy to "work" is by positioning it right on the underside of my clit during intercourse with my husband. I need it cranked as high as it will go (and anyone who has used the Ecstasy will tell you: it's STRONG) and pushed hard against me while my husband thrusts, (unfortunately, I need a lot of time, as well). This starts to feel great for me, but it's simply too strong for him to handle for more than a minute (no matter how hard he tries it pretty much forces him to drop), and even holding it in place with his hand makes his entire arm go numb. (For that matter, it's too much for me to manually hold in place.) We've tried, but he just can't do it.

I don't want to cause my husband any discomfort (after all, none of it is his fault by any means), but it's so incredibly frustrating thinking that if he could just hold out for longer I might be able to get it.

It's looking more and more to me like a lost cause, but do you guys have any suggestions?
04/30/2012
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Contributor: Calla Calla
Why don't you look for a strong vibrator that has a handle (like a wand vibrator) or one that's meant for insertion? That way you/your husband won't have to hold onto the part where the motor is located. I often use g-spot vibrators on my clit during sex because I find the extra length makes it easier to reach and maneuver than most toys designed for clitoral stimulation. That probably won't help with the issue of the vibrations being too much for your husband during sex, but at least you would be able to hold it in place without numb hands, and you could use another toy internally at the same time if you need both thrusting and clitoral stimulation.
05/02/2012
Contributor: pasdechat pasdechat
I second the suggestion that you try a wand of some sort. I've never used the Egg Ecstasy so I don't know firsthand how powerful it is, but I've never heard of anyone who couldn't orgasm with a wand. And the vibrations of most wands do tend to be concentrated in the head--I'd recommend some version of the Mystic Wand, because it's not too bulky and you can barely feel the vibrations in the handle.

I obviously don't know everything you've tried, but a lot of women--myself included--have a much easier time climaxing alone than with a partner. Even in a strong relationship there can be issues with stress and performance anxiety, and those disappear when you're by yourself. And as Calla said, if you need the thrusting in order to orgasm, you can try using a toy internally and another externally. Even setting aside any issues of stress and self-consciousness, I find that it's just easier to get the positioning right when I'm by myself. I also like a lot of pressure on my clit, and when I'm alone I can achieve this by lying on my back and pressing my hips into the vibrator--it takes a lot of the strain off my hand/arm, because I can have it more or less resting beside me, supported by the bed. Most positions during couple's sex require a bit more effort.
05/02/2012
Contributor: Deeder Deeder
I have been looking at a few different wands (mainly the Hitachi and Inspire), but for the next few months we're somewhat limited to what what we already have because I'm due to deliver in only 5 weeks.

Truth be told, it's not the actual thrusting that helps, but just the pressure of his body holding it in place, (he's a pretty big guy, so the added weight helps). I have tried a few different internal toys, but once inserted it's like I can't even feel them anymore. Sure, I can tell that something is moving around in there, but it feels no better or worse than a visit to my doctor.
05/03/2012