The New Intimacy

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Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
People who cause someone physical harm during sex, vanilla or kinky, and then use their ignorance as an excuse?

Some notable examples I can list are:
Purple breast bindings.
Anal sex without preparation
Anal sex without lube
Vaginal sex without preparation/warm up
non-consensually tearing skin due to inexperience with a whip
ignoring a safeword
Not having a safeword to begin with then needing one and not being able to signal a stop to kinky play.
leaving nipple clamps on too long

I mean, in this day and age, it isn't that difficult to search the web for information on these things and how to do them safely. Is ignorance an excuse anymore? Do you feel like people too proud to ask for advice give certain activities and groups a bad reputation?
10/15/2011
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Contributor: Lucidity Lucidity
Harming another person is unacceptable. If it is an accident, it needs to be owned up to and apologized for. If you hurt someone, especially in an intimate area while they are vulnerable and make bullshit excuses for it or don't fess up to it or aren't apologetic for it, there is nothing to say to you. That is so, so wrong and yes, I have a problem with that.
10/15/2011
Contributor: socceras socceras
Ignorance is definitely NOT an excuse. It's almost a joke to say that it is.
10/16/2011
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by Lucidity
Harming another person is unacceptable. If it is an accident, it needs to be owned up to and apologized for. If you hurt someone, especially in an intimate area while they are vulnerable and make bullshit excuses for it or don't fess up to it or ... more
Agreed 100% with your answer on this one! If you didn't know and that's genuine, and you say sorry and make up for it, that's one thing. But excuses, that's not okay!
10/16/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
I'm glad I'm not the only person out there who calls BS on "ignorance". I hate people who consider themselves "blameless" because they say they didn't know.
10/16/2011
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Ignorance is never an excuses! If you don't know what you are doing, you should NOT be doing it.
10/16/2011
Contributor: LQ LQ
Saying "I didn't know" stopped getting me out of trouble when I about 4. It should be even less accepted in a sexual context. If you're going anywhere with even slight potential for harm or going too far... either discuss the hell out of it or don't do it. If you don't want to discuss it because it's "unsexy," either figure out how to make it sexy or live without.

Actually that type of discussion can be very sexy. It doesn't have to be all talk - In fact a test run can be good, since words like "hard" or "tight" can mean different things to different people. Just start at the low end of whatever you're doing, and keep checking with your partner, so you can figure out limits together. Yeah, this does take time and communication so I personally stay more tame in casual situations.)

Yeah, accidental "ow" moments happen. They can happen even during slow, gentle sex if someone happens to move wrong. If someone says "ow," make sure they're okay. Say sorry. It's common sense.

In terms of rougher play... see first paragraph and all the posts above.
10/16/2011
Contributor: domsub1993 domsub1993
I've never had this experience, but it really is a shame for someone to be so ignorant.
10/16/2011