In regards to actual physical stimulation, no it's not just in our heads. I recently heard a very informative interview with a prominent Atlanta gynecological specialist and he explained that when we're little girls the nerves in our vaginas determine how we will orgasm later in life. Some women have a heavier concentration of nerves in the g-spot and others in the clit.

Sometimes it's split 50/50, sometimes it's split 70/30, sometimes one area gets all of the nerves and the other doesn't. This explains the vast number of differences of why each woman is different in her preferred methods of orgasming. Some women HAVE to have clitoral stimulation during sex and others don't need it at all.

The fetish stuff? Yeah, that's all in our heads. But, so few of us actually have true fetishes where we have to have that mental or visual stimulation to orgasm. less

I am pretty sure we were built to do more than just have PIV sex. At least 10% or more of the population is GLBT, and most of people in the GLBT community don't have PIV sex, yet most have orgasms. Most women orgasm from clitoral stimulation, the latest stat, depending on who you are reading, says only about 10% or less of women can orgasm from only PIV. It makes sense that many different types of stimulation are normal, expected and are even done in the animal kingdom in order to bring both men and women to orgasm.

The female orgasm has barely any impact on conception, so PIV isn't "necessary" for many women to orgasm.

As oral sex and other forms of stimulation are common, well known and even used by animals, I think the need for things other than PIV is normal, healthy and common. less