The New Intimacy

Have you ever had a fling with a married/committed person?

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Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
So I have met a lot of interesting people online. The ones that I connect better with have been with older married men. They seem to be so sweet, fun, caring and of course sexual. I have flirted with some, have naughty talk with few, and been platonic with the rest. I know think differently cause of it.

Before I started talking to them I couldn't understand how anyone could be with someone that was in a committed relationship especially if they were married. One guy told me how he and another person I know online were both married but seeing each other. How they loved their spouses, and happily married but wanted more sexually.

So here is where my curiousity kicks in.

Have you ever had a fling with a married or committed person before and what are your thoughts about it.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes I have and it was fine
32
Yes but I regret doing so
10
No but I have also been thinking about it.
4
No I have not and will never do such a thing
41
No I have not but was the one whose significant other did have a fling and now we are no longer together.
Total votes: 87 (86 voters)
Poll is closed
03/15/2011
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Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
I haven't. I hope my partner and I do not get to that point.
03/15/2011
Contributor: Joie de Cherresse Joie de Cherresse
I've been the one cheating on my ex and I've also been the other woman as well. I know it's wrong, but it's the thrill that gets the blood pumping. I would never consider cheating on my husband now though. In fact, one of the people I used to cheat on my ex with is my husband now. He was the best then, and he's the best now. That's why I could never stay away from him. I have no reason to look elsewhere now. He fulfills my every need.
03/15/2011
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Joie de Cherresse
I've been the one cheating on my ex and I've also been the other woman as well. I know it's wrong, but it's the thrill that gets the blood pumping. I would never consider cheating on my husband now though. In fact, one of the ... more
Thanks for sharing Brandi.
03/15/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
So I have met a lot of interesting people online. The ones that I connect better with have been with older married men. They seem to be so sweet, fun, caring and of course sexual. I have flirted with some, have naughty talk with few, and been ... more
None of the replies fit my situation. I am the one who is married and also in another seperate committed relationship. I've had plenty of flings but my husband knew about each of them and in most freely participated in the experience. I have never cheated on my husband.
03/15/2011
Contributor: Coralbell Coralbell
Only when I was 16. I wouldn't do it now.
03/15/2011
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
I wasn't really thinking about the thrill about the affair. I few have confided in me some of their sexual desires which mainly have consisted of oral sex, receiving and giving oh and a few interested in being pegged. The more I talk to them, the more curious about meeting them for a lunch/coffee. But I do wonder if that would lead to something else. Like I said they are older, happily married just wishing their wives were more sexual. One who I no longer keep in contact with told me he had not had sex with his wife in 4 years. That even when he tries to snuggle with her at night she says she is hot.

And yes I have tried to give them some advice but I understand them being embarrass or feeing weird bringing it up. Heck I am a single girl and I have trouble talking to most of my friend and even my mom about sex so I can understand them

But at times I am like hhhm a secret rendezvous would be nice for him and me (but I know I wouldn't want my husband/bf to have a secret rendezvous with anyone)
03/15/2011
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
None of the replies fit my situation. I am the one who is married and also in another seperate committed relationship. I've had plenty of flings but my husband knew about each of them and in most freely participated in the experience. I have ... more
So its safe to say your in a committed relationship. Your husband is fine with your flings and seeing others but though I have not asked the people I talk to online if their spouses would be fine with them having a fling I think the answer would be no.

My questions is more about if peeps could have a secret fling with a committed person who will have the fling behind their significant others knowledge.
03/15/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
So I have met a lot of interesting people online. The ones that I connect better with have been with older married men. They seem to be so sweet, fun, caring and of course sexual. I have flirted with some, have naughty talk with few, and been ... more
"Older married men" (Or just "older men") often have reason to be charming and "mature" on the internet or in the bar. Get them home and start a relationship with them, and they are no less trouble than any other person.

Believe me, I'm married to one.

(He's been on my shit list lately, if you can't tell. I swear a man who is in his 50s and still acts like a child drives me crazy. But, shit yes, he's "charming.")
03/15/2011
Contributor: MrRainybowbow MrRainybowbow
Even if i wasn't satafide sexauly i'd never cheat/have a fling. Theres more then just sex and pleasure out there.
03/15/2011
Contributor: Pleasure Piratess Pleasure Piratess
Whatever that person chooses, they have to live with for the rest of their lives. If it is against your morals and you find yourself thinking that there are special considerations, I think you will definitely end up regreting it someday when its no longer the heat of the moment. Thats not at all what to mention the consequences it can have on a family if the relationship is found out.
03/15/2011
Contributor: KnK KnK
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
So I have met a lot of interesting people online. The ones that I connect better with have been with older married men. They seem to be so sweet, fun, caring and of course sexual. I have flirted with some, have naughty talk with few, and been ... more
No, but for some reason I seem to attract married men or recently divorced men.

I am not interested, not just for the "moral" aspect. I'd have no problem with it if she knew and she was legitimately okay with it, but I don't want to endure the wrath of another woman or take part in breaking someone's heart.

I almost did, but I'm glad I didn't. The man who was trying to seduce me was a fucking creep. He tried coercing me to fuck in the poorly lit parking lot during a lunch.

Hell fucking no.
03/15/2011
Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
Quote:
Originally posted by KnK
No, but for some reason I seem to attract married men or recently divorced men.

I am not interested, not just for the "moral" aspect. I'd have no problem with it if she knew and she was legitimately okay with it, but I don't ... more
We always want what we cant have don't we? I think that's why I used to find myself chasing emotionally unavailable men. But, that's another topic for another day!

I think for people who are purely seeking sexual gratification outside their marriage, they should talk to their spouse and figure out why. If it's just about sexual appetites, I'd be more apt to consider it and be ok with it. If it has something to do with wanting out of the relationship, I'd rather my partner just say it. These things are clearly complicated, but I think it's the lack of honesty "cheating" piece that I really disagree with.
03/15/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
When I was younger, yes I was the other woman a time or 2. (But, P'Gell is right.) I would never, ever do it again, I wish I hadn't done it, and I'm not proud of it. I was young and wasn't thinking, but it doesn't jibe with the kind of person I am now.
03/15/2011
Contributor: *Ashley* *Ashley*
Never have and will never do such a thing
03/15/2011
Contributor: firekitten firekitten
Not proud of it but I have done it. I'm not going to go running around telling everyone I know, in fact very few people know. But ya know, it happens. It was a learning experience.
03/15/2011
Contributor: ChicaPrize ChicaPrize
Sometimes it is not about the man wanting sex but just knowing that there is still someone else that finds him attractive and that he can seduce.

I have been on business dates with married men and they do love to flirt and make suggestions but I am sure they will back paddle if I were to respond to their advances.
03/15/2011
Contributor: SexyStuff SexyStuff
Never... if they are done with that relationship they can be honest with their partner and end it before starting anything with me.
03/16/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Only online.
I don't think I could do it in person - but then ya kinda don't know 100% until ya in the situation.
03/16/2011
Contributor: onehotmomma onehotmomma
There was a guy I worked with back in the day, who had a long term girlfriend who was pregnant. I had no idea. Since he never spent any time with her, mentioned her, and nobody else seemed to know about her either. He worked the same shift I did, 40 hrs a week, and then he would spend time with me, and our group of mutual friends. We had a fling for about 5 months. She came into my work and confronted me and I was stunned. I don't feel bad about it since I didn't know. I wouldn't have done it if I had known he had a gf and kid on the way though.
03/16/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
When I was younger, yes I was the other woman a time or 2. (But, P'Gell is right.) I would never, ever do it again, I wish I hadn't done it, and I'm not proud of it. I was young and wasn't thinking, but it doesn't jibe with the ... more
He wasn't married when I met him, I'm his first wife. Just "older." For some reason, I've usually been attracted to older men.
03/16/2011
Contributor: seaofneptune seaofneptune
I haven't and will not ever and I hope my partner chooses not to as well. I don't agree with going around behind each others backs and lying to each other. It's wrong and after seeing what my now room mate went through after she found out her husband cheated on her I would never do so and I do not condone that course of action from anyone.

It's different if it's out in the open and agreed upon by both spouses. You can seriously hurt someone to the point of severe depression. I have known my room mate since we were kids and she is like family to me and I have never seen the side of her that I did when she found out that her husband cheated on her. She even said that the breech of trust and him lying to her/going behind her back was what did it, more so than the cheating - she may have been able to seriously forgive him if it wasn't for that. She said that she would even been willing to talk about having an open relationship if that's what he needed.

I usually like to keep my mouth shut because this can be a volatile subject but I have to say something now that I have seen the horrible affects of cheating on one of my family.
03/16/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
While I do not condone a spouse lying to another spouse for the sake of fulfilling sexual desire, I do understand the reasons relationships like you described happen.

If you are okay with having a part-time partner and zero real-life responsibility toward one another, that is your descision. Becoming involved in a relationship with someone who refuses to leave their spouse can be very trying on one's dignity and self-respect at the end of the day.
03/16/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
I wasn't really thinking about the thrill about the affair. I few have confided in me some of their sexual desires which mainly have consisted of oral sex, receiving and giving oh and a few interested in being pegged. The more I talk to them, the ... more
"Just wishing their wives..."


Well, they can wish in one hand and sh*t in the other and see which one fills up faster.

What they should be doing is telling their wives what they're telling you. They may not like the answers they receive, but then again they might be completely surprised. It's all about the approach.
03/16/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
"Just wishing their wives..."


Well, they can wish in one hand and sh*t in the other and see which one fills up faster.

What they should be doing is telling their wives what they're telling you. They may not like the ... more
I'm not condoning cheating on a spouse, not at all.

But the whole concept of "just tell her" is not going to work. Most men I know who get little or no sex DO "tell" their wives, usually in a nice way. Some of their wives think they have it made, and feel they don't "need to" have sex to keep their marriage and their lives the way they are. It's also hard to leave while kids are growing up (although, if it's not working out, I don't know if "staying together for the kids" is a great idea, although Child Psychologists say most children in non-violent situations actually do better with married parents, than with "happy" parents who are single. So, in a lot of situations it's about whose "happiness" is more important, I guess. Happy parents DO NOT always make happy kids, and unhappy parents don't always make unhappy kids. Violence aside. This is just based on research, each situation is different. There is a HUGE "your mileage may vary" thing involved here.)

I don't know what should be done with a spouse who doesn't want sex. Many women don't want sex because they are angry. Of course communication is the key, but I KNOW women my age who never have sex with their husbands, and they just think he should live with it that way. I don't understand this type of woman. I feel badly for their husbands. I also feel badly for women whose husbands don't want sex. IMO, one of the perks of marriage is having a readily available sex partner, as often as possible.

Some people say "I don't want a relationship based on sex." when in reality what they are saying is "I don't want to have sex." (At least that's my experience with people who use this phrase.)

I think a sexless marriage is a disaster, and I'm not sure what the best solution for it is. Counseling, and if that doesn't work, then separation, I imagine.
03/16/2011
Contributor: ID42 ID42
i have to clarify my vote of "yes and it was fine". i say yes and it was fine, because i personally have no bad feelings over it. i was just as misinformed and in the dark as she was. when it happened, and i started dating the man, i had no idea he was married. he lived in a single room in base housing. had no pictures of his family out and wore no wedding band. we dated for months before i found out he was married. i also found out at that same time that he had kids. his wife and kids lived out of state and when he finally told me, it was because he had asked me to drive him to the airport so that he could fly home for his baby's birthday. when he came back to town we had it out and i got my shit and left. i don't care now that he was married but he should have just been honest with me to begin with, so that i may have made a more informed decision when deciding to be with him or not. chances are, i never would have given him the time of day.
03/16/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I'm not condoning cheating on a spouse, not at all.

But the whole concept of "just tell her" is not going to work. Most men I know who get little or no sex DO "tell" their wives, usually in a nice way. Some of their ... more
"I don't know what should be done with a spouse who doesn't want sex."


Honestly, I do not know the answer to that question either. I also know there are many relationships where the wife gives it up quite frequently but won't do that *one* thing he wants. Then he finds a mistress to do it for him. I don't understand the type of guy who doesn't respect his wife's wishes if that's the case.

Interesting theory on the sex-based relationship ideal. It really makes a lot of sense. I would never say my relationship is based totally on sex, but it definitely is a very large percentage of the reason why the rest of my relationship works so well.
03/16/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by ID42
i have to clarify my vote of "yes and it was fine". i say yes and it was fine, because i personally have no bad feelings over it. i was just as misinformed and in the dark as she was. when it happened, and i started dating the man, i had no ... more
Ultimately, that is me biggest concern about situations like this. There is only one person in the situation who has complete freedom of choice and two others with their hands tied.
03/16/2011
Contributor: pinkzombie pinkzombie
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
So I have met a lot of interesting people online. The ones that I connect better with have been with older married men. They seem to be so sweet, fun, caring and of course sexual. I have flirted with some, have naughty talk with few, and been ... more
I was with a married man when i was young and naive. I totally regret it and feel bad for it.
03/16/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
So I have met a lot of interesting people online. The ones that I connect better with have been with older married men. They seem to be so sweet, fun, caring and of course sexual. I have flirted with some, have naughty talk with few, and been ... more
Yes and it worked out alright
03/16/2011