Libido incompatibility - real or not? NEED HELP!!!

Contributor: CrazyMike CrazyMike
I've been living with my girlfriend for a year now, and I must say I've been noticing some changes. Before we couldn't keep our hands off of each other, she would dry-hump me with every chance she got. Now, as we have more time together, a nice bed just for two of us and no roommates or parents to intrude, it seems like she doesn't want to have sex anymore! I don't wanna be dramatic, of course we have sex. But it's like one-two times per week, or even two weeks! I don't understand that. Doesn't she want me anymore? I've tried different things, she wanted toy - we got toys, but everything remains the same! Am I lying to myself? Is this relationship over? I've read somewhere that it could be that our tempers or libidos or whatever don't match, but it seems like they've matched before. I love her, I want her, I don't wanna lose her, but this abstinence becomes unreal.

I don't know what should I do. Did anyone face this problem before? Could we be incompatible and if yes, what can I do about it? Afraid to talk to her, I think she'll assume I wanna break up with her. Maybe, I should?
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07/13/2018
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Contributor: Lioncub Lioncub
It could be as simple as the fact that before you had intrusions or interruptions so had to be more careful and that was a turnon. I've know of several people whose sex lives changed once they moved in together. I woulnd't say it's a deal breaker or reason to end the relationship. It is however a great chance to sit down and talk about what has changed.
07/15/2018
Contributor: Happily Married, little sex but it's OK Happily Married, little sex but it's OK
Quote:
Originally posted by CrazyMike
I've been living with my girlfriend for a year now, and I must say I've been noticing some changes. Before we couldn't keep our hands off of each other, she would dry-hump me with every chance she got. Now, as we have more time together, ... more
You're incompatible. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

My wife and I got together in 1991. At first we didn't have a lo of sex because we didn't have privacy (I commuted to University from home).

We got married after I finished Graduate School - then it was because we were on different schedules (she worked nights).

OK fine.

Then we had children in 2002 & 2005.....that's normal. Raising kids is tiring.

But now they're teenagers...

I love my wife - wouldn't want to be married to anyone else.

But I wish I faced the reality earlier.

People prioritize what they want in life, and their actions reveal it. Whether it's dieting, sex, studying, keeping a clean house....our actions reveal who we are.

It is what it is - twice a month is probably going to be your normal. Either it's OK with you or it isn't
07/15/2018
Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
Dear Mike!
While sex is certainly not everything a relationship is, but it plays a role - and not a minor one. First of all, I'm convinced you should speak to your girlfriend - it might turn out she knows that an issue exists, and you'll be able to figure it out.
Start the convo calmly, without any hostility or showing hurt - that way you will ensure she won't think you're trying to break up. You have to make a decision together, you shouldn't just build assumptions. It might be libido incompatibility, it might be just routine - like it was for my husband and me.
Give time, show patience - if you love her, and she loves you back, it will either work out perfectly or end in a way where no one gets hurt. Hopefully. Please keep us posted - we're here for you.
07/20/2018
Contributor: The ~Pegging~ Meg The ~Pegging~ Meg
Hello. I voted for you not to end the relationship. You clearly love the girl, and the fact that you're incompatible sexually is sad but not tragic. I also vote for an honest conversation!
07/23/2018
Contributor: xoHollyMarie xoHollyMarie
Quote:
Originally posted by CrazyMike
I've been living with my girlfriend for a year now, and I must say I've been noticing some changes. Before we couldn't keep our hands off of each other, she would dry-hump me with every chance she got. Now, as we have more time together, ... more
I wouldn't give on the relationship so quickly. It may not be a fun conversation per se, but sitting down with your partner to find out the root to your issue is worth exploring. Sometimes it does come down to science, you may find out that your partner has been having low drive due to mental health or medication or lack of sleep, etc. To be fair, a lot of disfunction comes from internal problems that might be solved with communicating those feelings open and honestly. I hope this helps and you're able to find a solution.
07/26/2018
Contributor: Dominica Dominica
Had this problem with my second girlfriend - it was a first bicurious experience for her. At first she was really eager and lustful, and later on, the spark just went away. However, for us it was because of the messed-up idea she had in her head - she was not gay, we ended up splitting up and it broke my heart. Low sex drive can be a consequence of many factors. Maybe she's stressed? Maybe she wants to try something new but not ready to reveal it yet? The only reason to call off the relationship is if you are both sure there's nothing you can do to save it. I assume it's not the deal here. Best of luck.
07/30/2018
Contributor: CrazyMike CrazyMike
Thank you, everyone. Really helpful comments. Getting ready to have the TALK this week. Funny thing - I actually ordered one of the new rabbits from EF and she can't lay it down not even for a night. It doesn't always come to us having sex, but I think it's progress. Who knows? Will keep you guys posted.
07/30/2018
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by CrazyMike
Thank you, everyone. Really helpful comments. Getting ready to have the TALK this week. Funny thing - I actually ordered one of the new rabbits from EF and she can't lay it down not even for a night. It doesn't always come to us having sex, ... more
Toys are helpful if she wants them. Giving her attention, going out of your way, never faulting her for anything, showing appreciation, graditue etc is more important imo. Perhaps look at what's changed . Job , stress, etc. Conflicts she may have with other relatives, friends or coworkers.

Also look at yourself. Have you changed, made new friends, going out without her, put on weight, changed your looks, taking less showers? Women hate stinky men.

Women love and need their men more than sextoys. Toys are an aid or for warmup . Women love romance. Going out, doing things together. Also having time away with relatives and friends.

Sometimes after a girl's only outing, she may jump your bones that night.

Oh, also do you give her cunnlingus (sorry terrible speller) few times a week? If not, shame on you!
Try licking her good every morning. Sometimes before she awakes, but not too early. Needs her beauty rest.

In short, treat her like a queen. In the slim chance anothers caught her eye or giving her attention, she'll be yours. Some men don't care if already in a relationship.
08/01/2018
Contributor: LovelyGirl93 LovelyGirl93
Quote:
Originally posted by CrazyMike
Thank you, everyone. Really helpful comments. Getting ready to have the TALK this week. Funny thing - I actually ordered one of the new rabbits from EF and she can't lay it down not even for a night. It doesn't always come to us having sex, ... more
How was the talk hun? Sometimes it's hard to work with situations like this and if it didn't help there's always a possibility it could all be stress of a situation etc. Make sure you're letting her know that you want in on that action! There may be something that she's wanting extra from you but is to put off by her wants that she sets things aside and pushes off sexy time. Work could be hell, that snobby B**** she works with could be making her feel self conscious etc. ((ps that last one was a giggle not a serious thing but it could be true))
08/24/2018
Contributor: CrazyMike CrazyMike
I talked to her you guys! Sorry for keeping you hanging for so long though. Just as I feared, she started crying at first. But then I managed to get through to her, I explained that I DIDN'T want to break up. Then we got into a fight because she thought I was insinuating an open relationship. To be honest, I thought about it, and told her just that. We took some time to cool off, and then proceeded with the conversation in the most shocking way for me. She started saying that she read about libido incompatibility somewhere and she's afraid we might have just that! Then we realized that we've been reading the same article, having the same concerns, I just didn't have the guts to talk to her before it got out of hand. We sat through it and talked through it, and I guess I'm fine - at least for now - with how things are. We promised each other that we'll try to spend more time together - it might make more relaxed and - with enough luck - more horny?
I know that I won't risk this relationship over having sex more often. Maybe there is something wrong with me or with us, and maybe I'm super cheesy, but whatever. We'll work it out.

Thank you all for advice and support -LOVE this community
09/19/2018