The New Intimacy

Sexual Healing...

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Contributor: js250 js250
There are many traumas and events in a person's life that affects either their sexual drive, ability to function or sexual confidence. ED, menopause, rape or abuse, alcoholism/drug use, self-confidence, breast surgery, cancer and so much more....

Have you or someone close to you had to rebuild their sexual health? How did they succeed? What effects did it have on you and your life together? What one major piece of helpful advice do you have for others going through this--from either point of view, the one healing or the partner.
02/20/2014
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Contributor: edeneve edeneve
I lost interest in sex when in the last LTR I had. he was lousy in bed - see, I won't even call him a lover, that's cuz he wasn't. the last several years before I left were pure hell too. so that kept any embers at bay. I got my sex drive back almost 2 years ago just from doing regular Kegel exercises that were part of some body correction exercises 4x per week for 20 - 30 minutes each of those days. then I got toys and have since had the real thing which I just can't get enough of.
02/22/2014
Contributor: Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
(Review Program Mentor)
My husband was sexually abused as a child. We dated in HS and he was known as a player. However, he never pursued sex with me. We did everything but. There were issues with my family not liking him. I thought he wasn't that into me since he didn't want to have sex with me. Since he had been very open about his past relationships, I knew it wasn't a moral/religious issue. Long story short we broke up and 10+ years later we got back together when we both were escaping abusive marriages.

When we first got back together, we had sex all the time. After we moved in together and were committed it was hot and cold. I knew he had been physically abused but I did not know about the sexual abuse until we started having problems. As a partner, I was hurt and felt rejected. I went online and found some great support groups and learned I wasn't alone. Long story short, we worked though it by my learning about what that kind of abuse does to you. Together we worked though it by with counseling and learning what our faith felt about sex. That sex is a gift, blessing and a celebration of love - not something dirty/shameful or used to manipulate and degrade someone. It was not a quick process, it took us three years. My goal is to start a support group because abused men (and their partners) are so underserved. I even had one woman who runs a women's shelter tell me that men don't need help because abuse doesn't affect them. If anyone wants more info feel free to message me.
02/22/2014
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
Quote:
Originally posted by Pete's Princess
My husband was sexually abused as a child. We dated in HS and he was known as a player. However, he never pursued sex with me. We did everything but. There were issues with my family not liking him. I thought he wasn't that into me since he ... more
" I even had one woman who runs a women's shelter tell me that men don't need help because abuse doesn't affect the" - I can't believe she's still in the dark ages. the abuse doesn't affect men as it does women. but it still has an impact on them
02/23/2014
Contributor: SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
My boyfriend and I issues are not the result of prior trauma but I figured I would post anyways, because like you said there are many reasons that can cause a low sex drive.

My boyfriend and I are not compatible in any way when it comes to sex. He is romantic, vanilla that would rather make love than fuck. He has had 5 partners in his whole life (including me). He can't engage in dirty talk or role playing, because it makes him feel stupid (his words, not mine)Fetish wise, he is mainly into seeing girls in sexy clothing and what I would consider tame things.

I on the other hand am a kinkster(BDSM, Edge Play, multiple partners etc) who likes it hard and rough. I have been with far more people than he has, enough so that we have both joked that I had more girls than he has. (lol) I rather enjoy dirty talk and role playing during foreplay and have quite a few fetishes.

We make it work by communicating and not pressuring the other to change. We understand that our sexual differences can easily come a huge a issue so we try to stay one step ahead by voicing concerns and thoughts. We also do not make fun of each other because of our different sexual needs. We try to give space and be as understanding as possible.
02/24/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by SaucyxGirl
My boyfriend and I issues are not the result of prior trauma but I figured I would post anyways, because like you said there are many reasons that can cause a low sex drive.

My boyfriend and I are not compatible in any way when it comes to ... more
That's interesting!

My boyfriend is pretty vanilla himself, but I'm not much... less vanilla myself. He isn't really into dirty talk because of feeling stupid. See, now he is opposite as he would rather fuck than make love and that is some sort of intimacy issue on his end that we haven't yet discussed.

As for the question at hand: I was raped in 2010 and instead of totally shying away from sex, I fucked and fucked and fucked until I couldn't fuck anymore. I did not date anyone for about 8 months after that, and then I had sex with her and had a few issues, but only because it was my first time having sex with a woman before.

My current boyfriend and I seem to have some other issues going on. Most of it is on him as he feels inadequate, has sensitivity issues in his own penis, and feels like he doesn't have enough experience as he's had only about 8 partners in his life (including me) whereas I've had about 30 in my life already.

I wouldn't call me having so much sex after my rape ANY kind of sexual healing... no, in fact I think I was running. This is the longest I've gone without sex while IN a relationship and at first it was really hard, but now it's not so much as I've almost lost all interest myself. I've had a few moments where I needed to take care of myself, but it just wasn't... satisfying.

So maybe right now I am going through a phase of sexual healing?
02/24/2014
Contributor: Lvstoplay Lvstoplay
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
There are many traumas and events in a person's life that affects either their sexual drive, ability to function or sexual confidence. ED, menopause, rape or abuse, alcoholism/drug use, self-confidence, breast surgery, cancer and so much ... more
Look up yoni and lingham massages or message me for more info. I'd actually recommend doing it for both partners, even if you don't think you need sexual healing. As you pointed out there are many reasons that someone may need to heal in a sexual way, and they may not even realize that. The massages can help with healing, but they also help with bringing the couple closer together.
02/26/2014