I haven't been in this situation yet, but I think a good way to approach it would be by first asking for something totally, extremely out there, far beyond what you actually want to ask for from your partner. Something like "I want you to tie me naked to a playground swing and cover me in whipped frosting and sour candies and then lick me clean before the police gets to us--also, I want a dragon for a pet" (no offense intended to anyone who actually fantasizes about above scenario). And then while the partner is cocking their head with a "what on earth?" look on their face, beam a bright smile and say "Kidding! I just wanna suck your toes."

In theory this sounds like a good idea. I've never tried it, so I can't say for sure. Maybe you need a drink or two to help direct the conversation.

I'm usually pretty blunt anymore, although I have gone with the "ask for something really out there" a few times. But you have to be willing to do the extreme scenario if your partner's eyes light up and he says "sure."

I'm kind of in this issue. My boyfriend knows that I shop at EF, write reviews, etc. He hasn't seen any of my toys (that's weird to realize that), and although he says he isn't bothered by me doing these things, sometimes he will make comments that make me think otherwise. So I am very hesitant to bring even the smallest vibrator to bed with him. I wish guys would understand that I can't orgasm in 5 minutes of start-to-end time!

Great question!

I am into some fairly freaky stuff and my wife didn't have much sexual experience (what she had was pure vanilla) when we started dating. I've gradually turned her on to lots of things she'd never heard of before.

I've found the best way is to first try something A LITTLE different and then start a post-orgasm discussion by saying how much I enjoyed it, confirming that she enjoyed it, too and making it clear I'd like to try it again.

For example, with anal play I started by gently touching and tonguing her rosebud while I performed oral on her, as she was getting close to orgasm. She obviously LOVED being touched there, so I told her how much I'd enjoyed it, too. Next time, I gently and patiently inserted my pinky and again, afterward, I told her about my pleasure, asked about hers and kept up that gradual but steady progression until she was ready (eager, really!) to try anal penetration.

Another example. Having tried light hair-pulling, choking and spanking with her, and again seeing that she absolutely loved these things, led easily into a discussion about BDSM, which we now practice in an ever-expanding variety of ways.

I like using the softest language possible. Rather than asking "hard" yes/no questions like "do you want to try anal sex tonight?" instead I say something like "you liked it when I touched you there, didn't you? Do you think you might like to try taking it a little further sometime soon?" And timing is of course important. Right after sex is the best time, in my opinion.

I think that approach works especially well for things your partner THINKS they don't like but haven't really tried yet. My wife confided, long after we'd made anal sex a regular part of our repertoire, that before she tried it, she'd always had a very negative prejudice towards anal. She thought it was all pain and no pleasure for the receiver. By first showing her the pleasure, it was fairly easy to overcome the prejudice.

I also like Julia's "saw it in a movie" idea. I think it would be a good idea then, too, to make it clear that you're really turned on by whatever you "saw in the movie".