What do you think of adult virgins?

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Timaree

People in their late twenties and beyond who've not engaged in sexual activity: what do you think when you encounter one of them?

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(4)

I am personally offended by this
(3)

This is unacceptable / Against the Expectations of Conduct

Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):

Strong will power

El-Jaro , Waterfall , deltalima , Blinker , fatesrelease , Miss Naughty Kitty , sandblastedskin , Midway through , sexysweetieshan , kck , happeegrl03 , PassionQT , Misfit Momma , LittleBoPeep , Dusk , Hannah Savage , Yoda , Miss Cinnamon , Fun Lover , AU , mrs.mckrakn , Alegria , DeliciousSurprise , popples , meganthomas , Lily Night , Adriana Ravenlust , The Nakanas , leatherlover , Tart , Trashley , Shellz31 , Matheri89 , Pleasure Piratess , Hot'n'Bothered , SXEKAT , lamira , Persephone Nightmare , Kimbertrees , Sera , Kim! , sbon , NawlinsDawlin , rdytogo , C4ss , darthkitt3n , Gunsmoke , Envy , Xavier7 , Sarah5 , ana123 , *HisMrs* , xgreatlovex , Mr.RightNow , imp , kawigrl , LavenderSkies , OhMy! , Pandahb , Hadespark , Kaltir , sixfootsex , Cream in the Cupcake , Adam02viper , Choolz , harleydhm , Moein , indiglo , mllebeauty , jankit , Jin , loveshocks , HoneyHoney , Rainbow Boy , married with children , REDRUM , Ajax , MaryExy , null , AOutrajus , Rossie , Rin (aka Nire) , AndroAngel , Howells , Apirka , noelleish , Form 7 , dbm6907 , mysecretcollection , bunniebunnie , llellsee , Ilovelingerie , PumpkinPasty , Harpina is gone , bunny love , SeductivelyCute , Starshiptrooper84 , Jake'n'bake , Joie de Cherresse , richsam , cburger , gehuwd , AliMc

103

Not attractive or socially awkward

El-Jaro , Miss Naughty Kitty , sandblastedskin , ~LaUr3n~ , Lady Venus , PassionQT , LittleBoPeep , Dusk , AU , Alegria , Adriana Ravenlust , The Nakanas , leatherlover , Onanist , Pleasure Piratess , TiffyPixie , Latsyrc728 , socceras , Gunsmoke , BadassFatass , ana123 , xgreatlovex , Eliza , MrRainybowbow , Pandahb , Kaltir , Cream in the Cupcake , Adam02viper , indiglo , Jin , loveshocks , HoneyHoney , Rainbow Boy , EndlessFrost , MaryExy , null , daniel and frances , liilii080 , Lady Marmelade , Rossie , WhoopieDoo , TheHardOne , Entropy , Lizzy , cburger , GonetoLovehoney , Rokmai

Must be religious

El-Jaro , Blinker , fatesrelease , Miss Naughty Kitty , sandblastedskin , Midway through , ~LaUr3n~ , sexysweetieshan , kck , PassionQT , Misfit Momma , LittleBoPeep , Dusk , Fanny , AU , mrs.mckrakn , Alegria , BBW Talks Toys , DeliciousSurprise , Taylor , meganthomas , Lily Night , Adriana Ravenlust , The Nakanas , Trashley , Shellz31 , Pleasure Piratess , lamira , CS2012 , Kimbertrees , Latsyrc728 , socceras , NawlinsDawlin , rdytogo , darthkitt3n , pinkcupcakes , Envy , ana123 , *HisMrs* , xgreatlovex , Eliza , IrishLassie , kawigrl , RonLee , LavenderSkies , Pandahb , Cream in the Cupcake , Adam02viper , Moein , indiglo , mllebeauty , Sohotdinosaur , Jin , HoneyHoney , csweatc , married with children , slynch , REDRUM , EndlessFrost , MaryExy , zracer , null , potstickers , Rossie , emiliaa , dbm6907 , TheHardOne , bunniebunnie , lemondrop , Ilovelingerie , martb40 , PumpkinPasty , Jon S , bunny love , Entropy , Secret Pleasure , AzealiaB , Lizzy , Joie de Cherresse , cburger , jennifur77 , Silverwinds , GonetoLovehoney , gehuwd , AliMc , Rokmai

Romantic and idealistic

El-Jaro , deltalima , Blinker , fatesrelease , sexysweetieshan , PassionQT , Misfit Momma , Mari Fanger , Hannah Savage , Miss Cinnamon , AU , Alegria , DeliciousSurprise , Adriana Ravenlust , The Nakanas , Trashley , Matheri89 , SXEKAT , lamira , Kimbertrees , Sera , Kim! , Xavier7 , Hadespark , Kaltir , Cream in the Cupcake , Adam02viper , Moein , indiglo , mllebeauty , jankit , Jin , loveshocks , HoneyHoney , Rainbow Boy , married with children , MaryExy , liilii080 , Rossie , Rin (aka Nire) , emiliaa , noelleish , Form 7 , mysecretcollection , WhoopieDoo , bunniebunnie , Ilovelingerie , PumpkinPasty , bunny love , AzealiaB , Starshiptrooper84 , cburger , gehuwd , AliMc

Probably closeted or actually asexual

El-Jaro , Blinker , Miss Naughty Kitty , sandblastedskin , PassionQT , AU , Alegria , The Nakanas , Kim! , Envy , ana123 , kawigrl , RonLee , Cream in the Cupcake , Adam02viper , indiglo , Jin , HoneyHoney , MaryExy , null , Lady Marmelade , LennaKieran , Howells , WhoopieDoo , TheHardOne , bunniebunnie , Entropy , Kithara , cburger , GonetoLovehoney , Creepellah , AliMc

Total votes: 322 (146 voters)

Poll is closed

08/05/2010

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El-Jaro

It's very much a case by case basis.

I know a few people who lost their v-card after the age of 20-25. I kinda of feel bad for some of them. All that time in their sexual prime wasted out of fear.

08/05/2010

P'Gell

I don't like to judge people (but I will ) I have posted on Em&Lo a lot, and there has been a LOT of talk about the "value" of "saving" your virginity by some of the posters.

I think it's something with a false value. I mean, if you are a child, yes, nobody should "take it from you." But, IMO, sexual activity is part of being an adult. I don't understand being 30 years old and "still waiting for the 'right' man." This woman is going to be TERRIBLY disappointed when she doesn't see fireworks and isn't dazzled with her first time. Not that anyone should just screw the first person who comes around, but there is a difference between making a good choice, at the proper time, and making excuses for EVERY SINGLE PERSON one dates. If someone is in their mid 20s or beyond and still "can't find the right person" just to have some sex with and NEVER has, I think there are issue beyond their dating pool.

I understand when people are ending a relationship, they may need some time Celibate just to recover and get better, but I think if someone hasn't "found the right one" by the time they are finished with their education, there is probably a problem. There are always exceptions to the rule. I met a woman who was working on her PhD and honestly, simply had been so busy since High School, she hadn't had time for relationships. Although I managed through a B.S and and M.S degree while fucking my brains out, I DO understand this woman's dedication to her work. She also got busy with sex as soon as she had that dissertation finished!

I don't know about being "closeted" or "asexual." Nor are all the adult virgins I know "unattractive" (and many people who may not be classically "attractive" have healthy and happy sex lives.) Most of the adult virgins I know have VERY inappropriate expectations about sex, and are also very uninformed about sex. Like "only sluts have sex before marriage" or "if a man loves you, he will wait for YEARS until you are 'ready' and if he won't wait, he doesn't love you." and "anyone who has had sex with more than one person is sick" and "sex is only for marriage and making humans." The Madonna Whore Complex also plays a big part in a LOT of adult virgins choices.

I think one needs to test drive to see what works. I wouldn't buy a car without several test drives, I wouldn't buy a house without walk throughs and a complete inspection, I wouldn't choose a long term partner without KNOWING how they are in the sack.

Sex is an important part of being an adult, and I DO wonder about the maturity level of people who are finished with school, working, out in the world (or maybe just adults in age without all this stuff) and still find excuses to find time for the most lovely thing in life....making love to an other person.

Mileage etc.

08/05/2010

Envy

I think it varies on a case to case basis as JR has said. I mean I didn't lose it until i was 21, and if I hadn't, I wouldn't be seeking to do so either. It wasn't an all important thing to go and do, just things happened. (And my bf was a virgin too but he's about 4 years younger than I am.)

And PGell, funny you mention if the man loves you thing, my dad told me similar things like that, to an all out "men ruin lives and you're just another notch on their belt." Needless to say he's been used by women practically all his life and is TERRIBLE at handling relationships, period.

However, I've already come to the conclusion on my own that if it doesn't work between my bf and I, I won't be seeking any other partners. Why? I just don't find a reason to. That's my choice. Of course I wouldn't be a virgin anymore, but I'd be celibate.

08/05/2010

ScottA

I waited to find the "right person" until the mid to late 20s, and I don't think that I lost a great deal. Yes, it would have been nice if we'd met earlier, but we didn't. No, the first time wasn't beyond compare, but it was pretty good and I'd suspect that anyone's first time would be a little clumsy because they're trying to get everything figured out.

Personally I don't worry about it. It's their choice, none of my business.

08/05/2010

P'Gell

Quote:

Originally posted by ScottA

Scott, I KNOW it isn't my business. I just LOVE sex, and hate to see people missing out on one of the most satisfying, exciting, wonderful things a person can do.

But, again, mileage and all that. I haven't lived in anyone else's life but my own, so I can't judge what they should or shouldn't do.

08/05/2010

Carrie Ann

I think this poll is hugely speculative and slightly judgmental in a negative way.

08/05/2010

gone77

I've written about this quite a lot since I am an adult virgin. There have been all sorts of reason why I am. Nothing religious (I'm an atheist). I can be socially awkward and I'm not exactly attractive. Romantic? Meh. Idealistic? I don't think so. Strong will power? Naw. Probably closeted or actually asexual? Definitely not closeted and nowhere near asexual. lol It's just the way it's been for me. *shrug*

08/05/2010

PonyPlay

If they want to be a virgin forever let them, that is there choice. My only problem is when you talk to someone who is an adult version and they look down on you for not being a virgin. I knew this one lady that told me I was a slut and was going to hell for having sex! Even though I am married and been with one guy! That was a really weird experience and I think he think was distorted by her religion, but anyway I respect people that are adult virgins as long as they aren't judging me and don't have a total superiority complex.

08/05/2010

Waterfall

Most adults that I know who are still virgins are waiting for the right person. Some have religious reasons, while others have different types of reasons unrelated to morality. I dont usually judge these people,but I do think that they are very strong willed and know how to keep to their plans, if that is the reason for them still being virgins.

08/06/2010

Airen Wolf

(EF Review Program Mentor)

I have to agree with Carrie Ann. Virginity is too highly regarded in my opinion and it's a silly valueless commodity.

08/06/2010

deltalima

I think each person has their reasons for losing it when they do. And if we were all lucky, our first time and each time after that would have been with someone that loved us and we loved. Some people may not get that commitment or some may choose not to take that.

08/06/2010

Blinker

Being asexual is becoming quite popular, and it has nothing to do with waiting for marriage or because of religion. There are many people that just don't enjoy sex. They may have had sex and relaized it did nothing for them, or they just aren't interested in intercourse. It's a lifestyle choice. There's a good article in the latest issue of Marie Claire talking about this new trend.

08/06/2010

Blinker

Quote:

Originally posted by gone77

Kristi, this brings up a point I'm curious about. Does using sex toys to penetrate yourself count as sex? I always thought it would be the same as getting penetrated by a penis...I'm sorry if I'm not wording this correctly! But does losing your virginity only count if you have sex with another person? Now I'm all curious

08/06/2010

PonyPlay

Quote:

Originally posted by Blinker

A lot of people these day have had bad experiences with sex. According to statistic every 2 minuets a women somewhere in America is raped. That is a lot! And that can defiantly make you want to be asexual because you are traumatized. I am not saying that this is everyone but it defiantly plays a part in it. Most of my friends have been raped and are really scared to have sex now.

08/06/2010

Blinker

Quote:

Originally posted by PonyPlay

Awww, I hope someday they can get help for that

No one should live in fear of sex.

08/06/2010

fatesrelease

I personally was going to wait until marriage but that didn't work out. I find myself to be fairly attractive and I'm not religious but I felt morally it was the right thing to do (even though it didn't pan out that way.) If I met someone who was I would imagine it may possibly be for these reasons but not necessarily.

08/06/2010

Sir

I don't think anything, honestly. I wish that there was an "other" option. It's a person's choice to have sex or not have sex - being a virgin is not some great feat, but not being a virgin is not a great feat either. I do not think anything of a person based on whether they've had intercourse or not!

08/06/2010

Midway through

I voted religion and will power because different situations make me think different things.

08/06/2010

PonyPlay

Quote:

Originally posted by Blinker

Awww, I hope someday they can get help for that

No one should live in fear of sex.

I know I think it's really sad that it's so common... I know lot's of people that have had it happen, I just don't know what this world is coming to...

08/06/2010

joja

Quote:

Originally posted by Carrie Ann

I think this poll is hugely speculative and slightly judgmental in a negative way.

Agreed. How about none of the above? Someone may end up a virgin at an older age for a variety of reasons. Most of the adult virgins I know are actively seeking to get laid, but are just unlucky at finding people. They're not even unattractive.

08/06/2010

Coralbell

Quote:

Originally posted by Airen Wolf

I have to agree with Carrie Ann. Virginity is too highly regarded in my opinion and it's a silly valueless commodity.

I agree. I don't judge people based on whether they are virgins or not, and I don't want them to judge me on it either. My friends are all in their 20's and almost all of them are virgins, for various reasons.

I thought about virginity a bit before I decided to have sex for the first time and realized it had no value to me. Why is there supposed to be no significance to having his penis in my mouth or his fingers in my vagina, but as soon as his penis went into my vagina it was some kind of big deal? I don't find it any more intimate or special.

I don't even really like using the word virgin. Normally there are labels for people who do certain things, sex is the only thing I can think of where you get labelled for not doing it. And you can say "I'm a virgin" but then once you have sex there's no new word for you, all you can say is "I'm not a virgin."

Hopefully that made sense, I'm really tired and got on a bit of a rant

08/06/2010

SydVicious

Quote:

Originally posted by joja

That's pretty much the same with the few adult virgins i know. They want to do it.. they just havn't found anyone to do it with.

08/06/2010

P'Gell

Quote:

Originally posted by Carrie Ann

I think this poll is hugely speculative and slightly judgmental in a negative way.

Yeah, I hope it stays nonconfrotational.

I think I got used to some of the people on Em&Lo getting very upset and defensive about their "chosen virginity" and many had misconceptions about sex (the whole "farmer won't buy the cow, if he can get the milk for free" bullshit) and they would attack those of us who were not virgins, for being Sex Positive and not being afraid to talk about it. (One guy came THAT CLOSE to calling me a "whore" just in different words.) It was not nice. Em&Lo themselves were great, and some of the attacks were deleted, but it was an ongoing battle. With misconceptions about particularly women who enjoy sex popping up in even the most mundane posts.

I have NOT seen this kind of behavior on Eden and it is quite refreshing.

08/06/2010

gone77

Quote:

Originally posted by Blinker

No worries, I get what you're saying. I guess you would say I'm a virgin only in the sense of not having had physical sexual relations with another person. I say physical because I've had plenty of sexual relations with other people online. lol

If you go with the sense of a virgin being someone who has never been penetrated by a toy, then yes, I'm not a virgin.

I choose to call myself a virgin instead of "virgin who penetrates herself with toys but does not have physical sex with other people" because it's too long to type over and over. lol Some would argue that no matter what, I am not a virgin. To each his own.

08/06/2010

gone77

Quote:

Originally posted by P'Gell

I've heard of virgins thinking less of people who are not, and I think it's just ridiculous. Of course, often these are people who think you must wait to be married to have sex, usually due to religious beliefs. I have no time for those people and I find them rather annoying.

On the other hand, I've often been placed on a pedestal for being a virgin, or I'm told that I should be proud that I am, and those people annoy me, too. Their intentions may be good, but it's still a tad annoying. I'm not proud of being a virgin and I don't think I'm better than people who are not. While I'm not proud of it, I'm not ashamed of it, either. It just is what it is.

08/06/2010

PassionQT

I chose all because who knows really. I don't have any experiences with them, so I can't judge anyone, really.

On the other hand, a friend of my sister's tried to set her up with a man who had never even masturbated. Neither of us saw that as a good thing, so she didn't go out with him. I mean, cleaning the pipes keeps things running smoothly, no?

08/06/2010

Coralbell

Quote:

Originally posted by PassionQT

I also know a guy who has never masturbated for religious reasons. And I know a girl who won't have vaginal sex til shes married because that would be a sin, but somehow oral and anal are fine. I really don't understand some people.

08/06/2010

Naughty Student

Quote:

Originally posted by joja

Same here, I know a guy he's nearing his 40's and he really wants to get laid but his standards are set way to high. He's a very attractive guy but he acts like a jerk with girls that aren't attractive enough for him or he treats really attractive girls like their sex objects.

I feel really sorry for him. I tried to help him see that respect goes a long way but he has to learn it on his own. I hope he meets someone nice who can see the real nice person he is beneath all that shitty bullshit player personage he has.

08/06/2010

Misfit Momma

One of my husbands best friends is a virgin. He has never specified his real reason, but his family is religious so it could be that. He's a good looking guy, great sense of humor and is kind to anyone who is nice to him in return so I'm sure he has had opportunities but he is shy with women. It took him a long time to be able to have an actual conversation with me!

08/06/2010

Total posts: 121 Unique posters: 96

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