Quote:
Originally posted by
That Man from Mars
It's the lack of awareness that makes the poll uncomfortable. 'Other' is so incredibly vague and requires explanation to be of any use at all, which not everyone would be comfortable in doing. It also creates the feeling of being
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It's the lack of awareness that makes the poll uncomfortable. 'Other' is so incredibly vague and requires explanation to be of any use at all, which not everyone would be comfortable in doing. It also creates the feeling of being ostracized/out of place.
Those of us who don't fit into a heteronormative scenario all get lumped together in some vague pile.
I didn't call you ignorant. Please don't get snappy at me for stating my feelings.
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A single poll is going to reflect what the author wants to ask as well as their experience and there is no way around that the way things are set up here. Perhaps they don't want to know about answers outside a controlled group they have selected for. You can't know and I think it's entirely unrealistic to expect a member to include all options/variables that make everyone feel comfortable. It's an impossible task (and as long as they are within the EoC, they are not doing something wrong). As a longer time member, you should well be aware that "other" is the catchall selection used by the majority of posters of polls. Finding one particular poll at fault by only commenting on it would certainly make the author feel singled out. After all, you are choosing their poll to air your general grievances. It set a tone that maybe you were going after this particular poster.
Your first statement about how you wished the choices were less generic hetero, was fine and they're your feelings... so no, I don't think that was what really started this, other than setting the tone I refer to above. However, in my opinion, it was throwing shade by suggesting the OP learn about pegging. How would you know one way or the other about what she does or does not know? If you don't think you came across as condescending and rude, you are the only one, as far as I can see. I also find it ironic for you to get your nose out of joint so easily when faced with her response. I
do think telling someone "there is a thing called pegging I'd suggest the OP learn about. "
is saying she is ignorant about pegging. If I suggested there is something someone learn about, after criticizing their poll, I can guarantee you they would be insulted. Again, saying "It's the lack of awareness that makes the poll uncomfortable." is assuming you know something about Rossie's awareness and you do not (she may have not wanted to try and think of every possible option to list as a selection, or she didn't want to specifically know. However, she did include "other" and she did not have to). Had you said the same in a more diplomatic manner, in your own thread, it would be less insulting. On one hand you mention they are your feelings, but then you assume you know someone else's thoughts, their "lack of awareness", their needing to learn about pegging (according to your suggestion). You are at cross-purposes doing that.
May I suggest that instead of bringing up your general issues with polls in a specific thread, that you start your own discussion on the topics that you think are pervasive on the forum and bother you, such as the lack of inclusiveness you feel for non-heteronormatives? I think by addressing them here, you may sound to people as if you are blaming this particular poll, as if it's the perfect example of all the things bothering you that you've mentioned. I think you'd get a better response and more dialog going in a positive direction (and without the defensiveness getting in the way). I don't think there is anything wrong with your observations if taken out of this situation, but addressing them in a thread not about the topic is only going to roam off topic and also bury your points in a thread no one will be able to find later if they want to see what has been mentioned about the topic. If you start a discussion about this stuff yourself, instead of piggy-backing it on this one, I think everything would work out better.
