Well what if it's not your fault? Your answer makes me feel like you'd be disappointed in yourself, but how would you feel about her? Would you think there is something wrong with her?

I guess I'm more disappointed with the circumstances than with myself (never her) when it doesn't happen. I realize that I have a finite amount of control over whether she has an orgasm. Sometimes I can do everything right and it won't happen...but that doesn't mean I have to like it or feel I could have done more.

Would I think something was wrong with her? Perhaps, but only if there was a suggestion beforehand that something was amiss (maybe she really didn't seem into it from the beginning, maybe she had too much alcohol, etc.). If she otherwise seemed really into it, was clearly aroused, and it still didn't happen, I wouldn't assume that something was wrong with her.

Of course, I can only speak from my experience. A different set of circumstances with a different woman might result in a different thought process. For example, if I was to be with someone of, say, your age, and she had the difficulties having an orgasm that you mentioned in your original post, I'd probably chalk it up to her age/experience more so than anything I was doing or any "problem" she might have. It takes a while for someone - man or woman - to figure out what works best for them, and even then, everyone is wired differently. For that matter, it would depend on the length of the relationship as well. I'd be more likely to think there was something "wrong" with someone I'd been with for years than someone who I had slept with only a few times. Not only does it take time for someone to understand his or herself, it takes a while for one's partner to figure out it out as well.

And to clarify, by "wrong", I am assuming you mean some physical or mental issue that is making attaining an orgasm difficult. I'm not looking at it as a character issue or having an issue to do with how a relationship is going. Those can certainly play a role in the issue you brought up, but my response was not in reference to that.

Yes, but fortunately my wife has learned to orgasm, which makes sex much more fun and satisfying for both of us.

This part:or needs clitoral stimulation as opposed to just penetration. describes about 80% of the female population. Most women do not easily or ever orgasm without clitoral stimulation.

Few women only orgasm from penetration alone. I only can if I have already had a clitoral or blended clit/G Spot?A Spot Orgasm.

I would not want a man to feel bad because I usually don't have my first orgasm from just penetration. My Man knew from the beginning most women need more and has always done whatever it takes.

If a woman never orgasms, professional help probably should be sought.

We had to stop looking at it as "He will make me come." and start saying and thinking "He will help me find my orgasm, by any means necessary."

I don't care HOW I come, but I prefer him there. I don't and wouldn't sneak off alone and have my orgasm after we had sex. Sometimes it just doesn't happen, but before we give up, we try about everything. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. But, he doesn't feel that introducing toys is a bad thing. He wants me to feel good, as as long as he is on the other side of that toy, it the best!

When he's using a toy on me, it's an extension of him so it's all good. He feels badly if I don't come, but he doesn't blame himself. Mainly because he puts as much work as possible into doing whatever it takes. (Unless it's the rare night when he falls asleep, but, hell I'll wake him up....)

I feel the same way i want my wife to get as much out of it as i do. But sometimes its best to let it go and try the next time. Alot of the time it means she was distracted or uncomfortable.

What's a learned orgasm

I would NOT be disappointed at her, but with ME for failing to do the right things!!!

exactly....it sucks when it doesnt happen, but you gotta learn to go with it, and assume she'll get off next time. if you dwell on it it probably wont happen ever