Originally posted by
Well what if it's not your fault? Your answer makes me feel like you'd be disappointed in yourself, but how would you feel about her? Would you think there is something wrong with her?
I guess I'm more disappointed with the circumstances than with myself (never her) when it doesn't happen. I realize that I have a finite amount of control over whether she has an orgasm. Sometimes I can do everything right and it won't happen...but that doesn't mean I have to like it or feel I could have done more.
Would I think something was wrong with her? Perhaps, but only if there was a suggestion beforehand that something was amiss (maybe she really didn't seem into it from the beginning, maybe she had too much alcohol, etc.). If she otherwise seemed really into it, was clearly aroused, and it still didn't happen, I wouldn't assume that something was wrong with her.
Of course, I can only speak from my experience. A different set of circumstances with a different woman might result in a different thought process. For example, if I was to be with someone of, say, your age, and she had the difficulties having an orgasm that you mentioned in your original post, I'd probably chalk it up to her age/experience more so than anything I was doing or any "problem" she might have. It takes a while for someone - man or woman - to figure out what works best for them, and even then, everyone is wired differently. For that matter, it would depend on the length of the relationship as well. I'd be more likely to think there was something "wrong" with someone I'd been with for years than someone who I had slept with only a few times. Not only does it take time for someone to understand his or herself, it takes a while for one's partner to figure out it out as well.
And to clarify, by "wrong", I am assuming you mean some physical or mental issue that is making attaining an orgasm difficult. I'm not looking at it as a character issue or having an issue to do with how a relationship is going. Those can certainly play a role in the issue you brought up, but my response was not in reference to that.