With my first relationship there was just a lot of sex that I didn't orgasm from. With my second relationship I tried explaining that I don't get much out of just vaginal stimulation, I need extra attention too, and eventually we figured out a way to get things worked out. He was pretty insecure in general, so it did take me a while to explain that it wasn't that he was doing something wrong, it was just that I needed something else. My husband I told right off the bat and it didn't take us long to experiment a bit and start using toys.

I second the suggestion of not being afraid to tell him what you like. Be open and honest and do it in a way that doesn't make either of you sound like there's something wrong with you. You're not broken, I promise you that, and he's not a mind reader so he can only go off of what you're telling him.

I agree with Peggi and Sam, communication is key to a great relationship. You HAVE to be open and honest with your partner, how else does he know what you like?

It takes me forever to have a vaginal-only orgasm, and my husband's dead tired afterwards from all that thrusting. To avoid that from happening, we do a lot of foreplay before the real thing. I usually orgasm once during foreplay, and will come again while having vaginal sex, by stimulation carried over from foreplay.

I think it's important to get away from that "he's not enough" mentality, and away from the "he has to give me an orgasm" mentality. He is enough, if you communicate what you need and he does it, and you can do your part to reach your own orgasm too. If you need to rub your clit during intercourse to have an orgasm - do it. There's no need for you to wait for him to do what you need, you can do it yourself.

Talking about what works for you is so important, and I honestly think that if you can't talk openly about your sex life with your partner then maybe you aren't 100% ready to be having sex. (But that's just me.) My man already knew that most women can't orgasm just from intercourse, but he also knew that every woman is different in what she needs to reach orgasm. So through open communication you find out what works for your partner. You can tell your partner what you need, you can show them what you need, and you can also do some of the stimulating yourself.

I think you might need to shift your thinking a little bit, and stop blaming him for your lack of an orgasm. You seem to know what you need, and you can't expect him to be a mind reader. So, if you know the secret to unlocking your orgasm, but you choose to keep the secret from him - you can't blame him or view him as "not enough". If that makes sense? Communication is key, and it sounds like it might be time for you to step up to the plate, and take the step of allowing him to know what you already know. Once you start enjoying sex, you'll want it more, and be more eager during the act - and all that will make sex with you much more enjoyable to your partner. Best wishes!

This is a case where you have to just bite the bullet and do it. I suggest not couching it in personal terms- instead of saying "It doesn't arouse me when you X", focus on it presenting it as facts about your body- "I can't reach orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone".

You know, you have a pretty great opportunity to make him feel like a white knight with your honesty. You can approach the subject and tell him that you've always felt bad or very insecure about your difficulty with orgasms from vaginal stimulation alone; and it just so happens while you were browsing a site about sex, you discovered that you aren't alone, that its a common thing, and that you are talking to him now because you are excited about the possibility of exploring toys and fun with him. I think any man in his right mind is going to jump at the chance to find ways to pleasure you.

I don't want to be sexist as to say that all men like to fix things, but for the most part, I will say that the 'male or logically-oriented' mind is really all about the solution, the fixing. I put myself in that category. I can't do much for sympathy except feel guilty and withdrawn, but I will build you a fort out of kittens if you think it will fix the problem.

Giving him the opportunity to make you feel better about yourself, and jump head first into exploring ways to help you with that big-o is really going to be a good thing.

Good luck, doll!

Listen to the last Savage Love podcast. Dan just nails it. As long as the 2/3 of the female population fake to please their partners ego we'll never past this. Most people need to have the tissue that once was their genital tubercle stimulated. Woman needing her clit played with to come is no weirder than a guy who needs his penis touched to do the same.

I faked it for every single one of my sexual encounters in past relationships, plus all encounters for the first 2 years of this relationship. Finally, I realized that it wasn't fair to my partner to lie about being satisfied, nor was it fair to me!
So one day when it was just the two of us sitting around, I turned to him and told him exactly what the problem was. I needed help and attention and support to work through my issues from a past trauma. I was lucky- he was very understanding, though a bit hurt that I'd faked it at all.
It's been 2 more years, and we've made a ton of progress. Sometimes it takes more time and effort, other times it happens easily.
Just be honest with your partner. Explain to him exactly what you need to be satisfied. Yeah, it'll sound weird, but the way to not feel broken (which I can absolutely relate to) is to figure out exactly how you work and make it happen. Practice!

i would suggest telling him (perhaps in a non-sexual setting) that you can't get off without some direct clit action, and it's not a shortcoming of his or yours. with intercourse he gets direct dick action. you're not getting stimulated where you can actually orgasm right now, that's the problem, he can help solve it.
you are certainly not broken. i've never orgasmed just vaginally and a lot of people don't. and you deserve that attention from your partner. good luck to you