The New Intimacy

Are bisexuals just afraid to come out of the closet?

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Contributor: Kat Shanahan Kat Shanahan
I first actually admitted to myself, and a few others, that I'm bi about...oh, ten years ago. Most people in my life still don't know, but I'm okay with that for now.

What I have noticed, though, in the past few years is this idea that bisexuality doesn't really exist as a concept all on its own; it's just a "stepping stone" o the way to being "fully" gay. (My reaction: What the fuck? I didn't know there was such a thing as being "half gay" or "partially gay."

Thankfully, I've never had anyone in my life who's aware of my orientation actually say something like that to me, but I still find that attitude to be completely baffling. To me, bisexuality definitely exists in its own right, and is not just a half-hearted venture out of the closet. If I were gay, I'd say it, dammit!

What kinds of experiences have you had with people regarding bisexuality? Do you know anyone who thinks this way, or who thinks that bisexuality flat out doesn't exist? I'm curious to see what others' experiences have been.
03/22/2011
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Contributor: Ansley Ansley
There's a certain family member who feels that if oyu enjoy(ed) a same-sex encounter then you're gay or a lesbian. I cannot get it through her thick bible-thumping backasswards skull that if there is no emotional connection there is no relationship and the person's preference is still for the opposite sex.
03/22/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
There's a certain family member who feels that if oyu enjoy(ed) a same-sex encounter then you're gay or a lesbian, regardless of whom you choose to go home with.

I cannot get it through her thick bible-thumping backasswards skull that if there is no emotional connection there is no relationship and the person's preference is still for the opposite sex. And that there truly are people who are indiscriminate when it comes to the sex or gender of their partner.

Now...how many of those college girls running around kissing girls to get attention are actually bi is left up to serious debate.

I prefer to be in relationships with men, but if we found a play partner who wouldn't intrude in our relationship - of either sex - we'd be ok with it. It's JUST sex.
03/22/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
There's a certain family member who feels that if oyu enjoy(ed) a same-sex encounter then you're gay or a lesbian, regardless of whom you choose to go home with.

I cannot get it through her thick bible-thumping backasswards skull that if there is no emotional connection there is no relationship and the person's preference is still for the opposite sex. And that there truly are people who are indiscriminate when it comes to the sex or gender of their partner.

Now...how many of those college girls running around kissing girls to get attention are actually bi is left up to serious debate.

I prefer to be in relationships with men, but if we found a play partner who wouldn't intrude in our relationship - of either sex - we'd be ok with it. It's JUST sex.
03/22/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
OH geez. How did that happen? Sorry guys!
03/22/2011
Contributor: Kat Shanahan Kat Shanahan
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
OH geez. How did that happen? Sorry guys!
*L* That's okay...it was a good enough comment to read over again.
03/22/2011
Contributor: hornypoet69 hornypoet69
This is definitely a popular idea, and a dangerous one. The world is full of bisexuals who are genuinely attracted to both sexes. However, it is easy to see where this idea comes from. Most gay people go through a phase where they identify or think of themselves as bi. It is less threatening, and gives us a safe space to deal with our same-sex attraction. Sometimes this phase happens before they come out, and sometimes before, but it is definitely a common phase. I know I came out as bisexual, before I decided that vaginas were gross, and I was probably just gay. The sad thing is, when I made that transition, all I had to do is stop correcting people who thought I was gay.

Most people assume same sex attraction = gay, which is sad. But as I have said, sometimes a person who identifies as bi, is really just not comfortable with identifying as gay yet. To assume that person is gay, is insulting and stressful for that person, even if they really are.
03/22/2011
Contributor: Virgulino Virgulino
Of course not
03/22/2011
Contributor: Rockin' Rockin'
I've heard from people that bisexual folks need to "make up their mind" and other nonsense. I used to think that way when I was younger. Now I'm educated.

I also identify as bisexual/queer/polysex ual (pick your favorite word) and I've struggled with feeling like I need to justify my attraction to different genders just to sustain my identity. But it's mostly been my own internal struggles (people haven't pointed at me and said "Where is a girl you like? Can you find one? If not, you must be straight").

My attraction to different genders comes in waves and cycles and I can't really predict it, so I've stopped trying to predict and just started enjoying. I like who I like, and what I like most is when people can just accept that.
03/22/2011
Contributor: ButchAndFemme ButchAndFemme
It's my opinion that sexuality is fluid. Some people only find the opposite or same sex attractive, but can openly admit that someone not of their "preference" is attractive, and there are people at all points in the spectrum from complete homosexuality to complete heterosexuality.
03/22/2011
Contributor: SerenityRed SerenityRed
My cousin is openly gay but he doesn't believe that someone can be bi. He firmly believes that bi people are secretly gay or lesbian. He has a bunch of other ideals and some hypocritical opinions that I don't agree with either but he won't change his mind at all. I've tried. He's also one of those people who thinks that you HAVE to have sex with a person of the same sex to be 'officially' gay or lesbian... *sigh*
03/22/2011
Contributor: NaturalWoman NaturalWoman
Quote:
Originally posted by ButchAndFemme
It's my opinion that sexuality is fluid. Some people only find the opposite or same sex attractive, but can openly admit that someone not of their "preference" is attractive, and there are people at all points in the spectrum from ... more
I agreed that sexuality is more fluid. I myself identify as being pansexual. Who I date or enter into a relationship with is based on what sort of connection I feel I have with them on all levels - emotionally, mentally, and physically. Yes, I find both men and women attractive but I am more attracted to WHO that person is.

I have lots of people who find this very hard to believe and I can't quite explain it that well I guess. My straight friends say they can't imagine having a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex at all and of course my gay friends say they could have have a sexual relationship with someone of the opposite gender no matter how strong of a connection they have to the person.

Personally I have never experienced anyone telling me it was just a phase, or a stepping stone. My girlfriend identifies as a lesbian and while she does not fully understand my preferences, she has always accepted me for them.
03/22/2011
Contributor: bunny love bunny love
I know I am.

I'm a college girl, so I feel like the majority of people are going to say, "Oh, it's a phase. You just want attention." I don't want to deal with any comments like that. I'm way too shy.

I really haven't been able to talk to many people about my bisexuality. Luckily, my boyfriend knows and is absolutely wonderful; he doesn't feel threatened or say it's a phase. I was very nervous when I told him and started to tear up a tiny bit. I've had other people say stupid and/or hurtful things to me about my bisexuality. An older friend that used to look up to once told me that my "gayness" would go away once I started dating more men. Yeah right, buddy...
03/23/2011
Contributor: Stephanie Marie Stephanie Marie
At the schools I went to, Bisexuality was actually a fad. One year all the girls would say they were bi, the next they weren't? How does that make sense? Some would still stay bi but more then anything alot of them would say they weren't. It confused the shit out of me, thats for sure. I never fell into the fad, I didn't understand why anyone else did.
03/23/2011
Contributor: Kat Shanahan Kat Shanahan
Quote:
Originally posted by Stephanie Marie
At the schools I went to, Bisexuality was actually a fad. One year all the girls would say they were bi, the next they weren't? How does that make sense? Some would still stay bi but more then anything alot of them would say they weren't. It ... more
That....sounds very odd. And very dangerous. Something like that would, IMHO, lend to the idea that being bi is nothing more than a phase or a fad. With stuf like that going on, it's really no wonder that some people have that belief.
03/23/2011
Contributor: Kat Shanahan Kat Shanahan
Quote:
Originally posted by bunny love
I know I am.

I'm a college girl, so I feel like the majority of people are going to say, "Oh, it's a phase. You just want attention." I don't want to deal with any comments like that. I'm way too shy.

I really ... more
Yeah, being in college doesn't make it any easier. I think that's part of the reason that, although I realized I had bi tendencies in college, I didn't actually ever say anything to anyone about it until after I had left school. Less of a chance that people would brush me off with "Oh, you'll get over that." Like it was a case of the flu or something.
03/23/2011