That made total sense!

LOL thanks. I totally forgot to mention that when i asked him if he identified as being bisexual, he said no. He is just an equal opportunist lol. When I asked him to clarify in all seriousness he said that maybe 5 years ago he would have said he was but now, after the experiences he knows he is hetero and not interested.

I think you're on to something, Elodie! I had a long term relationship where I was 100% monogamous. But she couldn't get over the fact that I also found men attractive and arousing. That started the rift, for sure.

Is there a way to enhance the "lower sexual self-esteem"? Is there a way to verify my devotion, in spite of my broadened field of options?

I sometimes wonder if it's a phase. Looking back, I can see some stuff I was really into that I am not anymore. However, would that make me heterosexual because I'm faithful to my wife? Or would that just make me a committed bisexual?

I think I am beyond the "college experimentation" level of bisexuality; it's a natural part of my design to be attracted to both men and women.

Sorry, but not really. That's up to the individual to do on her own. My only advice is to look for women who are already self-confident. Introduce yourself as a person, not a sexuality, get to know women as friends first, and just let it come up naturally.

I think a woman who's threatened by your attraction to men would eventually be threatened by a heterosexual male's attraction to women anyway, honestly. People who can't handle the fact that their mates will find other people attractive are sadly common.

I think you have internalized, unfortunately, the negative stereotypes toward bisexual people or those with fluid sexualities. You often hear "slut, you'll get it anywhere you can" or "you'll grow out of it", etc. These are negative stereotypes about us that, in my opinion, are perpetuated because people can't wrap their minds around the fact that people can (gasp!) be something besides one or the other. Humans love binaries, that's for sure.

It's true that attraction can be fluid though, and yours may be; for years I was primarily attracted to women, then it fluctuated back toward men, and now it's swinging back toward women again. But it's never FULLY one or the other. It's always in between, just to varying degrees. My primary partner is male, and many of his partners have also been male. Right now we are primarily committed to each other, but we aren't any less queer because of it. When we have sex outside of our relationship it's still with all genders, and if we broke up tomorrow our next romantic partners could respectively be any gender.

Finally, in response to what you asked Elodie, and seconding her response: any woman that is less attracted to you because of your sexuality? Is not a person you want to be with in the first place. Your lover should love and appreciate all of you, including your sexuality. This includes your kinks, your gender preferences, your appetite for sex, EVERYTHING! And a good way to build your self-confidence would be to have more fluid-sexuality type friends. Having a group of people like yourself to share your feelings and problems with can be REALLY helpful. Going back to my original comment, that's why I love having a boyfriend that is into all genders. He understands me!

For him, he was a total attention whore. It had to do with being cheated on by a fiance too. But mostly the attention thing.

I've had relationships with bi men, but it's not that I'm attracted to bi men. I just met someone I was attracted to who happened to be bi.

I think what you are getting at, though, in that women can't "deal with it" is that women are turned off by a man who's been with other men. I figure everyone I'm with has been with someone and I assume they've taken a shower since, so... yeah, I just don't think it's a big deal.

Heh, as a pansexual girl, I'd really like to date a bisexual or pansexual guy, but gee, do I have trouble finding them. I also feel pulled to 'join a team' so to speak. Straight guys tend to think my sexuality is somehow about them, and I was recently turned down for a date by a girl who told me she 'didn't mess with bi chicks because they're crazy'.

I need to get out of the boonies.

I don't think its a phase. Just because you're in a relationship with one gender and remain faithful to that person does not mean you are any less attracted to people of the same and opposite gender.

Ohhh yeah! that is very very hot!

Weird. Same story for one of my friends. I was kinda confused that he identified himself as bisexual, while not enjoying homosexual sex, only hetero. ...Does that even count then?

I think, if they have the Classic Androgyny Look, they are awfully attractive. But, my "type" is a tough, muscled, Bad Boy.

I went out with a rather Androgynous guy a long time ago. My dad and one of my male cousins thought he was Gay (he wasn't, either that or he could really fake enjoying hetero sex well. He could Come twice in rapid succession, and made as much noise as I did.) but, I still don't know if he was Bi or not. He was the Classic Pretty Boy. I was young (about 18 or 19, in an Open Relationship with My Man, and quite taken with this young man. It let me know I had the capacity for Polyamory, though. I have to, I guess, thank him for that.) He wasn't all that good in bed, though. Great kisser, though. Had NO idea how to go down. {shrug} He got a couple of chances and when he didn't take the bait, I booted him.

Lauren, I wonder if we knew the same guy. Probably not, but they seemed very similar. This dude was INTO himself, but it was NOT due to his sexual preferences, it was just his personality. Very good looking guy and he knew it.

Um, there are a lot of women who are into bisexual men, just check out "yaoi" and you'll find male/male erotica specifically aimed at women.