The New Intimacy

Dumb it down?

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Contributor: Kkay Kkay
Do you use terms that don't really fit when you're talking to people who aren't really in the 'know' about alternate forms of sexuality?

For me, I identify as pansexual, but find it easier to tell people that I'm bisexual when it's relevant. I don't want to spend twenty minutes explaining what that is, why it matters, and why I identify as it. My partner is demisexual, and trying to explain that to someone else is a whole bag full of cats.
07/29/2011
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Contributor: Istanbull Istanbull
I'm in here for the first time and I am astounded by how much gays and bis are stuck on labels as much as homophobic straights. In the straight community for men, the labels are simple.

A woman who likes cock is straight.
A woman who like pussy is a lesbian.
A woman who likes both is bi.

A man who likes pussy is straight.
A man who likes cock is gay.
A man who likes both is gay and in denial.

Yeah, just what you would expect. But here in the GLBT forum, it's seem sot be all everyone here cares about is "What label am I?" and no one seems to know... and why the hell do they care? Just look at the example above. How can you look at that and think "That's a pig's train of thought." and then turn around and do it yourself. I'm seeing a ton of hypocricy and frankly, I don't think I would want to have much to do with any of it.
07/29/2011
Contributor: Elaira Elaira
Live and let live.

Do your own thing and don't pay any mind to what other people think/say/feel.
07/31/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Labels are meant to be put on products, not people.

Why does no one ever just say "I like sex and I like sex with people. That's all you need to know." When did it become the norm to announce your preference off the bat, anyway? And why does anyone feel they have the right to know?
07/31/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Elaira
Live and let live.

Do your own thing and don't pay any mind to what other people think/say/feel.
This!
08/01/2011
Contributor: newlady newlady
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
This!
Agreed!
08/01/2011
Contributor: Booktease Booktease
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
Do you use terms that don't really fit when you're talking to people who aren't really in the 'know' about alternate forms of sexuality?

For me, I identify as pansexual, but find it easier to tell people that I'm ... more
Yes, yes! Exactly the same, too. I consider myself pansexual, but most people don't understand what that means. It usually ends up being a long discussion about the differences between bisexual and pansexual.
08/01/2011
Contributor: Sir Sir
I don't dumb it down at all. If they don't understand or choose to not, that's their problem.
08/01/2011
Contributor: Rockin' Rockin'
Sometimes I'll say I'm bi, and sometimes I'll say I'm queer depending on who I'm talking with. I don't consider one form "dumbing it down" for anyone. I'll usually go off of what people say. If someone asks if I'm bi, I won't say, "No, I'm queer." I'll just say yeah, I'm bi. And the same for queer. If we want to get into more detail later, we can.
08/01/2011
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
Do you use terms that don't really fit when you're talking to people who aren't really in the 'know' about alternate forms of sexuality?

For me, I identify as pansexual, but find it easier to tell people that I'm ... more
Same, I consider myself pansexual but tell people I am bisexual because I hate having to explain it, and bisexual is well known!
08/18/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
I just admit I like people and sex....alot! The package is less important to me than the feelings I have for the person/people.
08/18/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
I know that some people see no value in labels. I do, personally, for me. There being labels at all for what I identify as has helped me feel less like a freak for being outside of the three normal checkboxes that sexuality is generally understood under. I feel the same way about my gender identity. What I was focusing more on in making this thread was how people of less common orientations deal with people who think there are only three expressions of sexuality.
08/18/2011
Contributor: Ivy Wilde Ivy Wilde
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
I know that some people see no value in labels. I do, personally, for me. There being labels at all for what I identify as has helped me feel less like a freak for being outside of the three normal checkboxes that sexuality is generally understood ... more
I understand about wanting a name for what you are/what you experience. When I finally found that the strange sleep disorder that I suffered from actually had a clinical name (and a colloquial one), it made me feel so much better. I knew that if it had a name, it was real and what I was experiencing was real. So I can understand why having a term that accurately describes your sexuality can be important to you.

Though I have to admit, I don't know what pansexual or demisexual means.
08/18/2011
Contributor: BellaSucette BellaSucette
Call yourself whatever you want. You are who you are and no label, whether you think it fits or not, can change that.
08/22/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Dang, I am usually not left in the dust in these sorts of discussions, but I've never heard the term 'demisexual' before.

Personally, I don't run into much trouble explaining my orientation because I'm straight. But for other parts of life where this comes up ... like if someone asks my job, sometimes I feel comfortable giving the whole story. Sometimes I don't (whether because I'm pressed for time, or because the person doesn't seem genuinely interested), and then I'll just say "engineering.&quo t;

It's not lying, it skips a conversation I don't feel like having, so both of those are pros to 'dumbing it down'---but I do miss an opportunity to evangelize about how awesome my (small, sometimes misunderstood) field is. I guess I assume that telling people you're bisexual when you're really pansexual is similar---saves you hassle, but you miss an opportunity to educate someone.

But at the end of the day---it's not your job to educate everyone you meet on the street. If it doesn't give you a headache, don't dumb it down, and give someone a new word for their vocabulary. But if you don't feel like having the conversation, go ahead and just say 'bisexual.' Or even 'it's private.' You're under no obligation to share that info with anyone, really.
08/22/2011
Contributor: Pixel Pixel
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
Do you use terms that don't really fit when you're talking to people who aren't really in the 'know' about alternate forms of sexuality?

For me, I identify as pansexual, but find it easier to tell people that I'm ... more
I do the exact same thing re: introducing my sexuality as bisexual rather than trying to explain pansexual. *headdesk* No, it doesn't mean I am sexually attracted to cookware *or* goat legged Greek gods.
08/22/2011