When did you come out as bisexual?

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When did you come out as bisexual?

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Contributor: KinkyShay KinkyShay
I'm curious. I was outwardly heterosexual until I was 34. It was only within a community of like-minded people, where I felt comfortable and safe, did I come out as being attracted to women. For me it was a hell of a lot of religious programming that caused me to be so closeted. I'm wondering how others came into their sexual identities.

Feel free to share your story as well if you like.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I have always been open about being attracted to both sexes
31  (14%)
I came out in my teens
133  (58%)
I came out in my twenties
52  (23%)
I came out in my thirties
6  (3%)
I came out in my forties
6  (3%)
I came out in my fifties or beyond
1  (0%)
Total votes: 229
Poll is closed
02/03/2010
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Contributor: Angel deSanguine Angel deSanguine
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyShay
I'm curious. I was outwardly heterosexual until I was 34. It was only within a community of like-minded people, where I felt comfortable and safe, did I come out as being attracted to women. For me it was a hell of a lot of religious ... more
I was twenty when I came out to a very religious set of parents and the rest of my family. I had been out to friends for years. Dad didn't speak to me for months (we've since rebuilt our relationship... he took it as a personal betrayal of some kind) and Mom... well, she still thinks (a decade later) that I'm 'going through a phase.' It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it wasn't all peaches and roses either (and I didn't expect it to be.)I'm glad that I did it, though, even though it was a bit rough for a while, it was, and is, worth it to me to be true to myself.
02/03/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I've been bi-curious ever before I was sexual. I've always been curious about guys, but not many people knew it...just assumed it from my occasional comment here and there.
02/03/2010
Contributor: LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
I came out to my (religious) mom, siblings and close friends when I was about 15. I think my mom was really saddened by it because of her beliefs so I later told her it was just a phase, then re-came out to her a year or two ago because she is no longer religious.

Now it's something I make known to new friends who seem open-minded.
03/23/2010
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
I came out in high school, but I didn't tell my parents or my sister until last year. I wasn't sure what their responses would be, and there's never really been a reason to discuss what goes on in my bedroom or personal life with them, so I didn't see the point in hammering another wedge into the vast gap between us.

It only came up because M and I were considering marching on Washington (He wasn't able to get the time off. Surprise, surprise.), and I would have felt guilty being that close to my mom and not stopping in to visit. She asked why we were gonna be in DC and I figured I might as well be honest. She took it surprisingly well.
03/23/2010
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
My mom caught me with the neighbor girls when I was 9.

And again when I was 12.

And again when I was 15.

She would yell, tell me I "couldn't DO that stuff."

I would ask why.

I've pretty much always been out.
03/23/2010
Contributor: Red Red
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
My mom caught me with the neighbor girls when I was 9.

And again when I was 12.

And again when I was 15.

She would yell, tell me I "couldn't DO that stuff."

I would ask why.

I've pretty much always been out.
Now see, why did I not have neighbours like that?
03/23/2010
Contributor: Red Red
I'm not totally out. I mean, I think everyone knows, but I don't think I've ever made a formal announcement anywhere and I've never had to face up to this issue as I'm married to a male partner who is with me at major life events etc.

I am also closeted about being kinky and poly, and sadly the solution isn't just being out about it all. It kinda drives me nuts, though, being closeted.
03/23/2010
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Quote:
Originally posted by Red
Now see, why did I not have neighbours like that?
Funny thing is, it wasn't just one girl or two. Everyone in my neighborhood was crazily experimental.

Makes me wonder if it's why I'm so lost when it comes to people not being out. I literally grew up with a neighborhood full of kids as sexually liberal as I was/am.

I'm thinking it has something to do with the drugs all our parents did at block parties.

For reals.

Then again, in my neighborhood, there were twenty or so girls and four boys. The boys? All prudes. The girls? All freaky. I follow most of them on facebook even today and the guys are stuffed shirts, the girls throw sex toy parties and commonly have pics of themselves with other women, appearing quite snuggly.

Odd.

Maybe it was drugged candy lipstick!
03/23/2010
Contributor: Phoenix77 Phoenix77
I didn't come out to anyone until I was 18, when it was my boy at the time (who identifies as bi also) and my bi best friend, so it was beyond easy. I've still never told my parents, because while they wouldn't have a problem with it, I don't feel it's any of their business who I may or may have in my bedroom. When I bring home a girlfriend, that's a different story, and we'll have to have a nice little sitdown, but... It's my life until then!
03/24/2010
Contributor: KBToys24 KBToys24
Pretty much always been "out" about it but I didn't start acting on it till my teens.
03/24/2010
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
I am not totally out, as either bi or poly. I have a b/f with who I have an awesome sexual relationship but also have a sexual relationship with a g/f. This is very complicated as my g/f also has a b/f. She works in a very conservative industry and her promotions would be non-existent as anything less then straight and she is on a fast track.
I will always want a real cock in my life and so want children. Her idea is that we all just live together which is way too much for me. My b/f does join us at times but never her b/f. All four of us do go to clubs together.
Too much information but reality is so complicated....
03/24/2010
Contributor: GNGenie GNGenie
Quote:
Originally posted by Red
I'm not totally out. I mean, I think everyone knows, but I don't think I've ever made a formal announcement anywhere and I've never had to face up to this issue as I'm married to a male partner who is with me at major life events ... more
I'm in a similar situation. I've never made a secret of my sexuality, but since I've always tilted a little more towards men it doesn't come up often. Now that I'm married (to a man) it tends to be dismissed as "irrelevant" since I'm married. Like attraction stops as soon as you have a ring on your finger.

I think the balance between people who knew and those who didn't didn't tip until I was in my 20s. Somewhat revealing to asked your very openly bisexual cousin in front of most of you family if you were getting strippers. "The type it's fun to watch"
03/27/2010
Contributor: NymphetamineKiss NymphetamineKiss
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyShay
I'm curious. I was outwardly heterosexual until I was 34. It was only within a community of like-minded people, where I felt comfortable and safe, did I come out as being attracted to women. For me it was a hell of a lot of religious ... more
I was 17. With my mom it was right after a row in the car about her attitude toward bisexuality. With my dad, it was when I'd began dating my first girlfriend, stil aged 17.

In fact I have an article on Eden Cafe called "The Best of Both Worlds or Lost in Limbo?" about my bisexuality which you may want to have a read of
04/06/2010
Contributor: Yesenia Yesenia
My Brother caught me when I was 15
He would yell and say you cant do that
And a family friend caught me kissing a girl
she was like why are you doing that
I've pretty much always been out
04/16/2010
Contributor: VG VG
I have yet only come out to certain people in my life. My boyfriend, some friends, my classmates in nursing school. I have slowly been doing it since my 20's but more so in my 30's. I have not told my family yet but that's not because I think they wouldn't accept me (because they definitely would). I'm just not ready to take that step yet because once my family knows all others would know (even the ones who gossip).
04/20/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
I came out in my teens to certain people and then to most people I know in my 20's. There are still certain people in my life that don't know (namely one very religious childhood friend that's still in my life), and she's never questioned or discussed my sex life at all, so it just doesn't seem necessary for her to know I like...well, everyone
06/10/2010
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
I couldn't answer completely. I'm not out to my parents or any of my family, so I haven't completely "come out" yet. I'm out to anyone who asks about my orientation, though, so, I'm partially out. It's like, my foot's stuck in the door.
07/19/2010
Contributor: Taylor Violet LXIX Taylor Violet LXIX
I'm not completely out. I've been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember being attracted to boys, if not longer. I came out to my first boyfriend when I was 17. He couldn't handle it, and it destroyed our relationship. I didn't tell anyone else till I was 20.
07/23/2010
Contributor: Kim! Kim!
I'm still sort of confused but I doubt I'd ever really be that out to my entire family. My mom left my dad for another woman when I was 3 and he was my legal gardien. That shaped a lot of my views growing up and I was scared of that side and perhaps in some ways I still am a bit. He died of cancer 5 years ago but I'm still fairly close to my step mom and half-siblings. My closer friends whom I know and trust know or have figured it out based upon things I've said in conversations.
07/23/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
I've always been attracted to girls, but just assumed it was appreciation of their beauty, not actual attraction.. That is, until a couple weeks ago when i finally got the chance to play with a girl. Now I DEFINITELY know I'm bi because I absolutely LOVED it and my man and I are actively looking for single bi females to play with
07/27/2010
Contributor: Beth D Beth D
I'm not exactly sure what I identify as, as I've never really experimented at all, but I do know that I am attracted to women as well as men. I've always known that and I think I was very young when I got a crush on Lara Croft from the playstation games. My family definitely thinks there's something iffy about my orientation, that I'm not straight as an arrow, because they've all out asked me if I was a lesbian. I'm not, though, and my dad and brother and my grandma are all very bigoted in my opinion by the things they say. It drives me nuts when they say things, thinking I'm most likely at least partially what they're talking about, and we get in huge fights about how is anyone being gay any of their business and what does it hurt them if gay people get married, etc?

Anyway, I just don't know what my dad would think of me if I told him I'm bi (or something). We have such a strained relationship as it is, I don't really want to strain it any more. At least, not while I'm living at home.

My mom, she'd be A-okay with it because she's one of those 'everyone's a little bit gay' people. I think that's great

Too bad she married a close minded jerk

But, yeah. I don't plan on coming out until it seems right or I get a girlfriend, whichever happens first. I don't think it'd be healthy to be in a secret relationship and, if they didn't want to come out that they were with me, I'd wonder if they were as committed as myself and if that's a relationship I really want to invest in.
07/27/2010
Contributor: latergator23 latergator23
Openly out as bi-curious at 18, but I've still not actually "been with" another girl (now 20). By open I mean friends, parents, and siblings. If someone asks me, I'm honest, but I don't like to flaunt it in everyone's face and tell people who don't need to know.
08/02/2010
Contributor: Kinky Skier Kinky Skier
i basically came out two weeks ago with my wife. I asked her if she thought i was bi, she still doesn't think i am, but its out
08/04/2010
Contributor: Timaree Timaree
i always knew i was into both. my barbies and kens were all bi. it wasn't until i heard someone at elementary school say, "pledge allegiance to the flag, michael jackson is a fag" that i even learned there were gay versus straight teams. you have to pick a team??? even at the age of 6 i found that notion ludicrous.
08/04/2010
Contributor: Bellatrix Bellatrix
I've never had an issue with bisexuals (or gays or lesbians) and I've always been interested in it, although I never really translated that to bicurious until I was about 16. I didn't realize that it extended to fully bisexual until I was 19 (and I'm 20 now) and since then have only had girlfriends. Although, given that I went to an all girl school, I don't know how I thought I wasn't going to end up at least a little crooked.

Most of my friends know, and my mother does (although tbh I wish sometimes she didn't, because now she's super self conscious about not being all inclusive in any conversation we have, even though I get the point anyway) but my dad doesn't (since I'm fairly sure he'd like to pretend I'm still 5, sexually, and I have no idea on how to bring that up) but everyone has been pretty supportive (or at least not openly nasty).

I do tilt more towards guys than girls, although I think that's more from years of mental programming that girls aren't sexual objects (for me, a woman). I will always see girls as friends first until I know they're either bi themselves, or interested in me (whichever comes first).
08/08/2010
Contributor: Evoluchun Evoluchun
I came out when I was almost 18 but I knew I was different than most of my friends growing up I always looked at women different
08/21/2010
Contributor: MissLustCaution MissLustCaution
I was always aware of beauty and sexiness in both sexes but never put a label on it until I was 22. I had girl crushes before I had guy crushes! My dad assumed I was because of how I speak about gender but my mom had no response.
08/29/2010
Contributor: Trashley Trashley
I grew up in the Catholic school system, and I've always been a very out girl, so when I started dating a girl at 13, everyone FREAKED out. I never understood what was wrong, and I still don't. Dogma. It confuses me. I've been lucky to have such an understanding dad though; otherwise, I'd have probably ended up one of those in the closet queers. And that'd be sucky :[
09/02/2010
Contributor: Just Jen Just Jen
I openly dated my first girlfriend when I was 16 and in high school. We dated for 3 years and split up when I was 19. I still miss her.... =~[
09/02/2010