Losing your virginity a second time?

Virginity is purely a social construct if someone wants to construct it differently who I'm I to say they are wrong. Personally I completely reject the concept of "losing virginity", it not a loss to gain experience.

Sure. Why not.

I wholeheartedly reject the concept of virginity for a variety of reasons. But I will say that the first time I had sex with a guy (while still very much in the closet; I thought I could fuck the gay away) and the first time I had sex with someone who wasn't a cis-het dude were two very different experiences.

Words have meanings - but not significance beyond what you assign to them. I don't believe that you can change the meaning of words just because you don't like the connotation. However you can change your the importance of the meaning in your life.

I don't buy that you can lose your virginity 2x. But I agree with those that say losing virginity is a negative spin on something that should be positive.

Sexual experience is a positive outcome if it's consensual and reasonably pleasurable.

Why is virginity important? Once you've lost it - move on and add significance to your new experiences.

Oooooh, here's a hot button issue of mine.
First of all, I think virginity is a completely antiquated, misogynistic and just plain stupid concept to begin with. The hymen is also an antiquated concept, at least in the way society teaches it, that we've placed FAR too much importance on for FAR too long. There is, except in rare cases, nothing to "break" or "pop". The hymen is a thin membrane held over from gestation in the womb. During gestation, the hymen protects the female fetus' internal sex organs. As the girl ages, especially once the hormones from puberty are introduced, the hymen reduces until, in most cases, it is a little fringe around the edge of her vaginal opening (there are exceptions to this rule and some girls may never have had one or theirs may have simply disappeared during development altogether). This little fringe is rarely "broken". It is not some barrier to be popped or perforated. It CAN be torn, but with proper stretching, lubrication, arousal and gentle handling, it can simply be stretched with no pain or discomfort, just like almost any other soft tissue in your body. And, like other soft tissues, it will heal and regain it's elasticity after time if the woman doesn't have sex for a while, leaving the woman, unless she was more substantially injured during sex, physically undistinguishable from her pre-sex self. Virginity was a social construct originated to control and suppress women and their sexuality and reinforce the ownership of women by men. The hymen myth substantiated this construct, as well as providing an explanation for the pain a woman feels during her first intercourse if her partner is careless, clumsy, inexperienced or impatient. Virginity has also been the cause, very unnecessarily, of many ruined lives and families. Virginity tests or exams are ridiculous, embarrassing, oppressive rituals (that are thankfully no longer routinely practiced) that, except in the case of the anomaly of imperforate hymens, can never be conclusive! My philosophy is that our sexual lives are a series of firsts, and repeat performances. There are things many people won't do until late in their lives or may not ever do, and there is no proscribed progression or order in which these firsts should happen for each individual. One first does not necessarily negate or reduce the importance of a first that may come later in the individual's life. I had my first sexual experiences with a man, but later came out as a lesbian. The fact that I had once had a penis in my vagina in no way tarnished or diminished the significance of my first experiences with a woman. Each experience is significant, each first is significant. I've been having sex for over 9 years, I've been having sex with women for 8, and I just had a new first last week that blew my mind and will remain a cherished memory. There is simply nothing so magical about penis-in-vagina sex that it renders all new sexual experiences that follow it somehow less important. It does not fundamentally alter a person in any real way.
Annnnnnd, off my soap box. Sorry if this was rant-y.

^ I agree with this, especially the part about sex being a series of firsts. I've tried lots of things in my life, and they were all new things once. I didn't feel any less "pure" after having sex with another person for the first time... I was already sexually active with myself.

This is a super interesting thread! I didn't really feel like I "lost my virginity" twice but the experiences were both quite different and good in their own ways, I don't have any negative feelings toward the times that I had sex with a cis guy but it's been really fun and a definite eye-opener to finally have sex with people who aren't boys lately. I don't see it as a "loss" of "virginity" though, just a new thing I get to do now that I'm happily openly queer, haha.

Very interesting discussion this turned into. I agree with it being an outdated concept. I'm a gay man myself so a hymen is not really an issue for me. Still, I spent a lot of time convincing myself I was a virgin because I had never vaginally penetrated someone. I'd only been penetrated anally myself by other men and mostly had non-penetrative sex. It wasn't until I turned 19 and realized that calling myself a virgin while having had 7 sexual partners was somewhat farfetched and perhaps wrong. Yet, people would say that I was a virgin. I think its highly subjective, in the end. But for me losing my virginity happened that one time when I was 13 with another dude using only hands. I don't care anymore of that is considered to not be enough sex for me not to be vrigin.

In the end, though, I think it's important to remember that virginity is not a term that was ever intended to inlcude queer people. So it's not weird if we end up being confused about this.

I think, given the range of sexual experiences and encounters available that we should just toss the term "virginity" out the window all together. That'll never happen, but if I ever have children I'm going to teach them that it was a silly word for a silly concept that has no value whatsoever.

I guess my idea of virginity was socially constructed by your parents. A lot of my friends have the preconceived notion that it's when the hymen is broke in females, and the first time the penis is put into an orifice for males. My mother broke her hymen in a bike wreck. Nothing penetrated her, just the blunt impact busted it. So I guess my parents raised me to believe it's when you first have someone else in one of your orifices or put yourself in someones orifice. I guess I sort of agree, but I don't see the big hype behind it. My boyfriend was a virgin before me, but neither of us care about it.

It is just a word.

Where the female hymen is a real thing, and it can be broken, thus having "lost your virginity", I think that there is too much emphasis on it in general. I know it generally means that you've had intercourse for the first time, physically and symbolically.

I did loose my virginity to my first love, when I was 16 yrs old. I had penetrating intercourse with him, and, like the tearing of the hymen, which I did feel and bleed from a bit, it was a first time.

I do joke with my GF, since she's my first girl on girl experience, that she took my "girlie virginity". It's a joke. We've both have several lovers before, so that's not a real thing for us.

However, I will say that she hadn't wanted anything to penetrate her for over 20 years because, until she knew she was gay, she'd been with men and sex always hurt for her. her hymen did grow back, which I did "pop", and she bled from it. But, she's allowed me to continue to penetrate her with fingers and toys. I am the first female that she wanted to have inside of her, and that to me is more special than saying "I took her virginity".