The New Intimacy

What happens to toys after a break up?

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Contributor: Gingy Gingy
I've just been through a horrible break-up and am wondering what the common consensus is with what happens to toys?
I really dont want to part with my harness but would it not be tacky to use it with someone else? what are your general thoughts on this?
03/16/2012
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Contributor: herMaster herMaster
If it has been inside someone, it is theirs.
03/16/2012
Contributor: TheParrishism TheParrishism
I think that depends on the two of you. And how you used them before. If someone used it more, then it should go to them. But maybe it should be split by who paid for it. I think you both should discuss it.
03/16/2012
Contributor: Mia.The.Wonder.Slut Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
Quote:
Originally posted by Gingy
I've just been through a horrible break-up and am wondering what the common consensus is with what happens to toys?
I really dont want to part with my harness but would it not be tacky to use it with someone else? what are your general ... more
For me, when I buy toys, they are mine. Even if I share them with my partner, I make sure to make it understood that the toys I buy are mine unless I buy one as a present for them. That way when things go bad, there's no disputed which toy goes to which person. It sounds a little selfist, but it keeps break ups clean and easier.
03/17/2012
Contributor: blacklodge blacklodge
If you bought it, it's yours. I don't see why there would be any fuss over a harness being used on someone else. It's a harness.
03/17/2012
Contributor: scaredlittleboy scaredlittleboy
Maybe keep the harness and give your ex any dildoes that have been in them.
I don't even want to imagine trying to split my toy collection with my partner...that would be so sad.
03/18/2012
Contributor: lukas24 lukas24
If you can, try talking with them to see maybe what they would like most of all, and they can have that and you can have the harness.
03/18/2012
Contributor: lcl169 lcl169
when I bought toys with my partner i specifically paid for ones and she specifically paid for others, that way when we broke up she got hers and i got mine. easy.
03/18/2012
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
If I bought it, or it was bought for the express purpose of use with me, it stays with me.

If it was purchased by them, they keep it, unless we bought them/shopped for them together.

But I won't allow used toys to be brought into a relationship with me--even leather harnesses and floggers, because those are fluid bonded and not to me. I'd rather have something I can call my own.
03/18/2012
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Sorry about your break up...

Technically, it depends in what material your harness is. If it's made of leather, since it's been in contact with body fluids, it should not be reused with anyone else. Sad, but safer. If it's one that can be machine-washed, fine.

For the toys, I go with the you buy, it's yours, unless it really was a gift to them. In general, if it's a safe material like silicone and glass that can be sanitized, there's no reason why they could not be used with a new partner. BUT, I would ask them if they are fine with the IDEA, even if they are CLEAN. It's only fair to let them know.
03/18/2012
Contributor: Bzz Bzz
I'm not sure. Whoever wants some things more? If you both like something, have the person who wants it the most 'give up' another toy in order to have it?
03/19/2012
Contributor: charletnarouh charletnarouh
Personally, my take is thus: Toys you had before the relationship are yours. Toys you personally purchased during the relationship are yours. Likewise, vice versa. Toys purchased jointly should be split as evenly as possible. Any non-sanitizeable toys should not be used with a future partner and, unless you want to use them solely for masturbation, should probably be thrown away. If the harness is primarily yours, then I think you should get it and I don't see any issue with using it with a future partner. I've used my leather harness with multiple partners. I wash it thoroughly and clean it with rubbing alcohol. I kinda have a thing against letting other people wear my harness, though. My harness is mine. That's how I handle things, anyway. But it's very much an individual thing.
03/30/2012
Contributor: nosrslylol nosrslylol
I'd consider anything you bought yours.
04/04/2012
Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
Quote:
Originally posted by herMaster
If it has been inside someone, it is theirs.
I think this is a good general rule.
04/09/2012
Contributor: Tangerine Tangerine
If the relationship is completely done, I throw them away! I am not going to use the same toy on someone else, no matter how much I clean it. I just feel weird about it. Because if someone tried to use a toy on me that they shared with their ex.....girl bye!!! H to the N
05/07/2012
Contributor: butts butts
I bought ALL of our toys, so I'd take all of them except probably the cock rings and his favorite vibrator, he really likes it and I don't care for it, I don't mind if he has it. I don't think we'll be breaking up any time soon, but I can't imagine it'd be on bad terms if we did so I'm sure we could split things up just fine. I wouldn't mind him keeping his favorites.
05/09/2012
Contributor: tigertiger tigertiger
Quote:
Originally posted by Gingy
I've just been through a horrible break-up and am wondering what the common consensus is with what happens to toys?
I really dont want to part with my harness but would it not be tacky to use it with someone else? what are your general ... more
custody battles. call judge judy asap
05/10/2012
Contributor: ginainohio ginainohio
let her take it not worth the argument down the road with the new girl.
06/02/2012
Contributor: Bittenflame Bittenflame
Quote:
Originally posted by tigertiger
custody battles. call judge judy asap
YES!
06/02/2012
Contributor: SouthernBelle SouthernBelle
It really depends on your relationship and how you guys feel about each toy. Is there an emotional connection to the harness that would remind you of your ex every time you used it? Maybe it's a good idea to retire it if there is.

My girlfriend and I already have an arrangement for our toys if we break up. Our strap-on will be retired, but one of us will get the feel doe (the reasoning is based on price. The feeldoe is too expensive to throw away when we haven't gotten our moneys worth). We will split the dildos and bullets based on who likes which more.
06/05/2012
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
She kept the the "girl" toys and I kept the "boy" toys...and almost everything else. The toys she kept, that I liked too, I ended up getting for myself anyway.
06/05/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I can't stand to look at my blindfold, cuffs, and ballgag, even though former-Master and I never used them together (they were for photoshoots and "when we visit again"). I packed them away with the other stuff of "him" and I don't know at this point if I'll ever bring them out or not. He was my first Dom, so I associate that stuff strongly with him.
06/05/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
My take is a variety of what's already been said. If it's been in them and it's not able to be sanitized it's theirs. If I bought it and used it for me it's mine.
06/05/2012
Contributor: vitriolicvertigo vitriolicvertigo
Don't have much to say except I agree with the consensus here
06/06/2012
Contributor: sweetiejo sweetiejo
I had the same situation happen, except with me and my new guy he is into complete different stuff then my ex was so many of our toys where never used again so i offered for my ex to take them when they were refused I threw them out no reason to keep them just have memories attached that I don't want.
06/06/2012