The New Intimacy

Does your mama know?

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Contributor: Billie Bones Billie Bones
I've very recently started to identify as genderqueer and have told a few close friends about it. I've gotten a lot of support from them and I feel really comfortable in this identity. However, I'm not sure if I should tell my family because I don't think they'll understand. Coming out as a lesbian a few years ago was hard enough for them to deal with.

Anybody out there who identifies as genderqueer who has come out to their folks? How did you explain it to them and what was their reaction?
07/17/2012
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Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Quote:
Originally posted by Billie Bones
I've very recently started to identify as genderqueer and have told a few close friends about it. I've gotten a lot of support from them and I feel really comfortable in this identity. However, I'm not sure if I should tell my family ... more
I'm out as genderqueer to my parents. They don't really understand it well, and I haven't been able to train them out of constantly calling me "girl," "daughter," and "she/her," but they weren't mad or freaked out or anything, they just don't pay it much mind, which at the moment is good enough for me. I have a few family friends and cousins who have been a bit more genuinely understanding, and my whole close friend group supports me, so I get by.

That said, my parents are extremely chill hippies. If you have parents who had trouble accepting lesbianism, they may react to genderqueerness with a far more freaked out sort of confusion than my parents demonstrated.
07/20/2012
Contributor: Billie Bones Billie Bones
Quote:
Originally posted by thisisadeletedaccount
I'm out as genderqueer to my parents. They don't really understand it well, and I haven't been able to train them out of constantly calling me "girl," "daughter," and "she/her," but they weren't mad or ... more
Thanks a bunch for your response. I'm glad you had a mostly good experience with your folks and that your friends are supportive. I think my mom would be more freaked out than angry. I'm leaning more towards letting it be for now and maybe bringing it up sometime in the future but I might talk to my cousins about it. They're pretty rad.
07/25/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Quote:
Originally posted by Billie Bones
Thanks a bunch for your response. I'm glad you had a mostly good experience with your folks and that your friends are supportive. I think my mom would be more freaked out than angry. I'm leaning more towards letting it be for now and maybe ... more
If you have cool cousins, telling them could be a nice experience. I've found it to be a big relief to have even a couple people in my family who I don't have to censor myself around when I talk about gender.
07/26/2012
Contributor: TheParrishism TheParrishism
I think coming out depends on what you plan on doing. If you plan on changing anything, then you really do need to come out. But if it is more of a personal identity issue and maybe you will dress a little different, I wouldn't bother.
11/21/2012
Contributor: kdlt kdlt
My mother is nearly sixty and very old-fashioned but, after coming out to her as genderqueer last October, she's trying her hardest to learn about trans* things and to meet my LGBTQ-oriented friends. I essentially explained to her that I've always felt that my lower half is wrong, that I really disliked puberty, described my high school depression, and let her know that my top half doesn't bother me nearly as much. I explained how I'm okay with being in-between but how I'd rather have been born purely male, etc. etc. She slowly but surely understood.. it took a few months for her to have a good rudimentary grasp.

She really doesn't want me to come out to the rest of the family (though she says it's ultimately my decision) because they're very religious and probably wouldn't understand. I think it depends on your relationship with your mother, her relationship with gender/sex issues, her beliefs, and how you'd feel about people in your family knowing.
11/25/2012
Contributor: Soup Soup
Came out to my dad, he was cool with it
01/13/2013
Contributor: bog bog
Quote:
Originally posted by Billie Bones
I've very recently started to identify as genderqueer and have told a few close friends about it. I've gotten a lot of support from them and I feel really comfortable in this identity. However, I'm not sure if I should tell my family ... more
My mom says she "gets" gay and "gets" trans, but not being genderqueer. Sometimes I wish I was something easy to define. I exist in this funny gray area our culture (and parents) don't understand. I don't regret telling her, but it didn't do much.
01/13/2013
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
I'm genderqueer but I haven't told my parents.....I don't really see the point. I really don't think they'd understand, and I don't need them to.
01/13/2013
Contributor: Katelyn Katelyn
Gift them with a book!

I am unsure what my mother would say but I suppose she would be supportive. I came out to her as a lesbian a while back and she took it really well. She has met some of my girlfriends and is really nice to everyone. I don't think it shocked her very much.

I think my mother would actually like it if I were more genderqueer than I already am. I think this because my mother is very 'tomboyish' herself. She has only painted her nails once in her whole life and never wears makeup. She was an engineer and architect and has lived in a 'mans world.' I think that my young femme period really confused her. I am so lucky to have such a great momma : )
01/13/2013
Contributor: artist-eyes artist-eyes
My mother would not approve of me transitioning if i did, I have had a hard time with my family understanding why would I want to be lesbian. My mother has stated to me she would disown me, if I ever tried to become or act more like a man. I only dress and have short hair, like a man and I have a soft voice. So its been hard with my mother overall.

I feel if your parents understand you and love you for you, you might get some support . yet my family is old school and believes that your born with the gender that you have, People just don't understand how hard it is at times wanting something so bad yet, the massive changes in your life. has a large affect on people you love.
01/14/2013