Struggles within Community During Transition (MTF)

Struggles within Community During Transition (MTF)

catsin catsin
My friend lives in Reno and is currently dealing with some issues related to transition and I don't know where to begin giving her advice. I was hoping some of you whom have been through transition might know of some helpful tips.

Firstly, she gets a lot of feedback on her personal choices in the transition. When people ask her questions and she replies honestly they offer "oh, that's okay" as if she's looking for approval. This irritates her and I'm wondering if there's a different way to approach responding to these questions that will help assert that she is not looking for advice or approval.

Secondly, she finds many people in the trans community to be highly sexually charged. Stating that she is not "trans" but "female" to identify herself apart from cross-dressers hasn't worked--they still see her as someone out for "the kink" of being trans.

Thirdly, she's hoping to find a community of peers that are not trans but trans friendly. She's a geek and is interested in video gaming and other such geekery, but isn't into the whole rainbow niche.

Any advice that you have regarding this is hugely appreciated!! Thank you so much
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Ansley Ansley
I can't offer any advice on helping her with the transition itself, but when it comes to people giving their approval I can offer some advice.

It all boils down to how much confidence she exerts in her own statements. Instead of being passive, she needs to be direct and use statements like "I decided to go this route because of this reason". If she leaves holes in her statements, it's a natural inclination of human nature to try to fill those holes. She needs to fill them with complete ideas/solutions.
P'Gell P'Gell
Stormy makes a lot of sense. She needs to be strong, but also, in social networks, where the activity has nothing to do with her transitioning, she may just want to play it by ear. She doesn't necessarily have to tell everyone what is going on her in body, and just be part of the community with the the comfort of knowing who she is an be comfortable with that.

If she wants to join a gaming community, instead of looking first for a "trans friendly gaming community" (which might be a difficult way to introduce yourself to a new group of people) she can simply introduce herself as "Taylor" (or whatever her name is) and only trust the details of her progress in transitioning to the people she learns to trust. Her sexuality doesn't have to be introduced right off the bat in new social situations.

Everybody needs social stimulation, but one doesn't have to have everybody on board and know everything about your life from the start. For instance, I have a very interesting, active and somewhat kinky sex life. BUT, when I join, say a new book club, I don't go looking for a "high sex drive and kink friendly book club." I look for a book club I will enjoy and CHOOSE who I will share what details of my life inside or outside the book club with.

As with everyone else, she is more than just her sexuality or her sexual identity. She deserves a social life, but doesn't have to share everything with everyone she runs into. I know people get excited when changes are happening or when you find a new way to do things, but some discretion in what one says to whom is always important.

Finding friends who she can have fun with first and then knowing who to trust may be her best bet.
TransMarc TransMarc
I find that some mailing-lists/forums for geeky women are trans-friendly. The GeekFeminism wiki has great links (sadly the ones I used to participate in are Linux/FOSS-centered and I don't play much videogames so I can't advice you.)
TheParrishism TheParrishism
I find that I don't always fit in with other trans people as well. I think it is a matter of finding friends who you get along with, whoever you are.
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