When did you discover that you're transgendered? How did you find out? When did you come out?

Contributor: butts butts
People develop at different paces, and discover themselves at different ages. More and more now I'm seeing YOUNG young people coming out as trans, and I have to wonder. Is it a fad, used as a form of escapism? Is it because the information is more readily available than it was 10 years ago? Is it actually a physical thing, is something in our food/water/daily objects causing hormone imbalances? Whatever the cause, I'm curious as to what age people (on average, at least the average of EF users) figure out that they're transgendered and why. Did you figure out because of self discovery through self counseling/meditation/ whatnot? Did you have issues but couldn't figure them out until a counselor presented the idea? Did shows about transsexuals/informati on on the internet open your eyes to your own transgendered-ness? Did you come out immediately, or way later? Why?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
I knew from birth!
I discovered it in gradeschool
Chirple , Hibangel , blixa , plaidvulva , eroticmutt , Youssii , Phosphorous Tick
I discovered it in middle school/junior high
butts , Ciao. , TheParrishism , TransMarc , needapacker
I discovered it in high school
rlodge , Chirple , Alx , Ly-Ra , hatman , transboy , Schattenstern , MistressDandelion , argylesocks , SalmiakkiVodka , TransMarc , thisisadeletedaccount , Caulfield , lukas24 , viserys4king , Kaleb , treehugger
I discovered it in my early 20's
Mimosa pudica , Aries , Interesante , tardisblue , goyit.moi , smc3115 , Sam I Am , viserys4king
I discovered it in my late 20's
I discovered it in my 30's
I discovered it in my 40's
I discovered late in life
I came out as soon as I discovered it myself!
I came out immediately to close friends, and everyone else later
Aries , Interesante , Sam I Am , thisisadeletedaccount , Kaleb
I came out a while after I discovered it
butts , rlodge , Mimosa pudica , Ciao. , Alx , Ly-Ra , transboy , TheParrishism , SalmiakkiVodka , Youssii , Caulfield , lukas24 , needapacker
I came out a LONG time after I discovered it
MasonM , Lock , plaidvulva , eroticmutt , argylesocks
I never came out.
Hibangel , blixa , MistressDandelion , TransMarc , Phosphorous Tick , U3H , treehugger
I didn't HAVE to come out, everyone just figured it out!
ectoBiologist , Schattenstern , Youssii
I found out because I saw a show/article/blog/other about it, and realized that I felt the same way
Aries , Ly-Ra , blixa , hatman , Schattenstern , SalmiakkiVodka , TransMarc , thisisadeletedaccount , lukas24 , treehugger
I found out because someone I knew asked/talked about it
rlodge , Mimosa pudica , Alx , Interesante , blixa , TheParrishism , Kaleb
I found out because someone I know was/is transgendered, and it made me realize that I was too
butts , rlodge , Mimosa pudica , Aries , Interesante , Sam I Am , eroticmutt , MistressDandelion , needapacker
I found out because a therapist/councelor/other suggested to me that I could be transgendered
I didn't "find out", I always knew and have never thought any other way!
Hibangel , Lock , Youssii , Selene
I found out it because of my own self discovery
butts , rlodge , Chirple , thePicklez , Mimosa pudica , Ciao. , Interesante , blixa , Sam I Am , transboy , argylesocks , TransMarc , lukas24 , viserys4king , treehugger
I'm not transgendered, I just browse the forum. :D
Total votes: 116 (40 voters)
Poll is closed
  • Get 3 Toys For $50 Only. Mix And Match
  • Save Extra 30% On Bestsellers
  • Give her 3 luxury treats for $60 only
  • Get a luxury couple's set for $60 only
  • Mix and match 3 men toys for $60 only
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: BobbiJay BobbiJay
I have a friend who is transgender. She said she has felt like a woman since she was really young. She finally came out last year.
Contributor: rlodge rlodge
I only really admitted to myself my transgender identity this past year, but I guess it has been something that's been hanging around in my mind for a while. I was always uncomfortable presenting as female, I just didn't know it was 'possible' to transgress gender boundaries I guess until I became more involved in the lgbt community both locally and online and learned more about what it means to be transgender.
Contributor: Chirple Chirple
I voted a couple things.

I suppose I "officially" gave a name to things when I was 17, but I knew "something" was up even in elementary school.

I think these days, kids have more exposure to such things, in good and bad lights. They're more aware that other people might be feeling the same thing and that it's okay.

Some might be going through a "phase" as part of coming-of-age and discovering themselves in another way. I think that's perfectly okay and natural.

I've talked to a lot of "former" FTMs who decided that it wasn't their genuine identity. It's a touchy subject, but all the stories I've gathered indicates the way society treats women has a large role in it. Girls don't want to have to grow up to be women and be fucked by misogyny and the like.

There's also the "yaoi fangirl" segment that plays into this in important ways. Yaoi is said to be so popular because it is the only way for these girls to view a truly "equal" relationship with a man involved. Do all these girls identify as transsexual ? No way ! But I've talked to these people, too, and some want that "equality" very badly and don't feel they'll get it in a man+woman relationship. Something that can make life seem very lonely and make one willing to hope that a solution exists, no matter how extreme.

This is NO WAY invalidates anyone's identity. It is simply something that does happen. I don't think they're doing it as a "fad", I think some of them are so uncomfortable with how society relates to their assigned gender that they want to crawl out of it. I can see the same happening to some to have MTF feelings, who don't want to grow up to be a terrible male stereotype and such, but I haven't heard such stories first hand.

Me, I've just never been comfortable with my body post-puberty. Before that, there wasn't a huge distinction between boys and girls for me, so it wasn't a huge issue. I can see how a young child might come to realise things faster if there was such a large distinction in their lives when they were young.

My gender identity isn't fully stable right now, I still have work to do and things to think about. I identified as FTM for a long time, for years. But depression has hit me again and things have gotten muddy. I identify largely as "Neutrois" right now, I've thought that if I were born with genitalia that would assign me male, I probably wouldn't want to be male, either.

I haven't really "come out" to most people. Even if I ever have some sort of surgery, I doubt I really will. I've never told people I'm "gay", either and I was pretty sure of that for longer.
Contributor: tern tern
I'd always felt physical dysphoria, ever since I started, er, developing? And before that. The very thought of it made me cry and no one understood why, least of all me. For the longest time I never realized it was an option, so when I befriended a fellow transguy online, it sort of all clicked for me.

I came out to my parents and close friends immediately, and they were all very supportive. I was lucky in that. I'm still not out to everyone. My extended family are... less liberal, shall we say.

Oh, and I was about fifteen, I think?
Contributor: Hibangel Hibangel
I'm still debating whether to come out or not. I should have when I was younger I think.
Contributor: ectoBiologist ectoBiologist
I've always felt male, ever since I was a little child, but I'm scared to "come out" and I wonder if it's worth it... I hate my body but I wonder if it's worth the surgeries and the money and the struggle. So I have yet to come out or declare myself as an official transman. I am still very confused about all this and it hurts me to think about it.
Contributor: MasonM MasonM
I came out to my friends online recently, though I haven't come out to my family yet. This is how I came out, though.

'Once upon a time there was a little boy. And he thought that he was like all the other little boys. He wrestled and played and told his mother that he wanted to grow up to be just like daddy. And his mother smiled and patted him on the head and told him to go and play with his brother. But as he got older, more often she would say ‘That’s not proper’ when he played, and make him come to sit beside her and read and be quiet. And he didn’t understand why all the other little boys could wrestle and play, but he couldn’t. And he didn’t understand why the other little boys got to wear suits that looked like what their father wore, but he had to wear a dress when they went to church. And why, when he asked his room be painted green, his mother painted it pink.

And as he got older, he realized that no, he wasn’t like the other little boys. He was different. And so he tried to be the sort of way that people wanted him to be, even if it never felt right. He wore what they told him to wear and sat and read instead of wrestling and went, slowly, from being a happy, cheerful little boy into a sad, quiet one that did things to himself that he didn’t like.

He cut himself. He tried to kill himself. He avoided people. And he never understood why, because he didn’t want to do those things, but sometimes when he did, they made him feel a tiny bit better.

When the little boy was eighteen and in college, he got very bad headaches. They sent him to have an MRI to try and find out why, but they never did. Instead, they told him that he had what he’d always known, which was a perfectly normal boy’s brain. But the doctors fussed and somehow he never told his parents. They would fuss, too.

So the little boy kept living the way that he had always been told to live, even if it didn’t feel right. He got married and had children, two little boys, and he worked to raise them. But inside he was sad all the time, no matter how hard he tried to be happy.

And he made a pair of friends and they knew him the way that everybody else knew him, and that made him sad. So one day he finally told them who he really was and one hugged him with open arms, but the other told him no and called him horrible things. They told others horrible things about him as well. And so he didn’t like to tell people the truth about himself.

He made new friends, but they never saw him, since they were all over the computer. He didn’t like to leave the house if he could help it. And his friends knew who he was, even if they never saw him, and that made him happy.

But the little boy, who was a man now, was sad, because he couldn’t tell them everything, and sometimes he had to lie to keep them from knowing the thing about him that had made his friend turn on him. And he knew that lying was wrong and he hated it, which made it worse.

Until one day, he couldn’t take it anymore, and he wrote about how scared he was and sent it to a place anonymously. And then, several days later, he decided to tell everyone the truth and he wrote a long story and this time it wasn’t anonymous.

Hi. My name is Mason. And this is my story.'
Contributor: butts butts
Thank you for the wonderful responses everyone
Contributor: Aries Aries
When I was born I looked down and went "No penis!" and that's how I knew I was transgender. I kid.

In all serious I am the trans-man stereotype of IDing as a lesbian and eventually figuring it out in college.

I definitely struggled with my gender for as long as I can remember but I didn't "always know." Instead I decided transgender was right for me when I realized I would be much happier IDing as a man.

Some of my friends were part of that thought process, and some were completely shocked- along with my family. Although really they should have seen it coming.
Contributor: butts butts
Originally posted by Aries
When I was born I looked down and went "No penis!" and that's how I knew I was transgender. I kid.

In all serious I am the trans-man stereotype of IDing as a lesbian and eventually figuring it out in college.

I definitely ...
My parents were shocked, but most of my friends said things like "OH wow you make a lot more sense now!" haha. I was really suprised that my parents had no idea, I'd been binding since I was around 15, came out at 18... haha
Contributor: Lock Lock
I didn't choose a time, because I didn't feel there was an answer that fit me. I don't know if I knew "since birth" as I don't remember that far back, but I know that I've identified as this gender as far back as I can remember relating to gender at all. Unfortunately, I didn't know until much later in life that there was a name for how I felt or that there was something I could do about it.
Contributor: Alx Alx
I found out I was trans* after I chose to go by a more masculine name amongst online friends and felt more comfortable that way, being thought of as male. after looking into things and finding out there was such a 'thing' as being trans*, I began the self-reflexive process and concluded that this was how things were. my parents were furious - still are - my mum hysterical and my dad (thankfully) more passive about it. my friends have handled it magnificently though, and my teachers did, too, when I came out at school after my official name change.

coming out has definitely been the hardest thing I've done but it's also a thing that I've had to do in my pursuit for happiness in life, really.
Contributor: Interesante Interesante
I found out last September, I was 21 at the time. The only people I told were my parents and a few friends I trust. No one else knows yet, but I'm not exactly going out of my way to hide it. If they ask I'll tell them, but I don't want to make a big issue out of it. I'm me, first and foremost.
Contributor: Schattenstern Schattenstern
This is the most confusing and profound thing that I have gone through in my life. I really do believe that it's for the better, though!
Contributor: TheParrishism TheParrishism
I had always thought everyone had to learn how to be their physical gender. It took me a long time to learn that that wasn't so. I came out when I was 16 and I am 19 now. I have sorted out a lot since then.
Contributor: argylesocks argylesocks
I think I knew I was a guy from a very early age but didn't know there was a name for what I was until high school. Once I got my own computer and internet in my room I started searching for answers to how I felt. That was about 7 years ago and I still haven't come out to my family. I'm out to friends but that's it.
Contributor: SalmiakkiVodka SalmiakkiVodka
When I was in high school I went to a youth LGBT conference/workshop. This was about 6 or 7 years ago. I'm genderqueer/androgynou s, and this was the first I'd ever heard of it. Until then I thought trans* was solely a you want to be the opposite sex sort of thing, and even though I have friends who are FtM and MtF that never felt exactly right to me, so I did not identify as trans*. This workshop taught me that, just like sexuality, gender isn't black and white.

I've come out to close friends, and online, but not to my family. For my situation it's not a big deal to me to come out, since I do not plan to transition or care which pronoun people use for me. I've always been a "tomboy", and gender non-conforming, ever since I was a kid.
Contributor: TransMarc TransMarc
When I was about 15. I fount out by reading stuffs online and introspection...
Though when I was a toddler until my 5-years-old, I knew I was a guy. Then I learned I wasn't. Took a small time to understand.
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
High school was when it really clicked for me. I thank Scarleteen.com for introducing me to the word "genderqueer." Things made so much more sense after that.
Contributor: Youssii Youssii
Originally posted by butts
People develop at different paces, and discover themselves at different ages. More and more now I'm seeing YOUNG young people coming out as trans, and I have to wonder. Is it a fad, used as a form of escapism? Is it because the information is ...
I never really "found out" - I just realised at some point that everyone else wasn't. At some point I saw a program about people transitioning, going the other way to me, but at that point, as the narrator was trying to describe what it was like to be trans, I realised that the rest of the world clearly didn't want to be a boy like I did.

There's little evidence that hormone imbalances cause us to be trans, unless they affect us in-utero. If, for example, having oestrogen in your body made you a woman, then all trans men would have PCOS or some other hormone imbalance, and all males with high oestrogen levels would transition to female; alongside this, prepubescent children would have no gender at all. Clearly this is not the case.

Nor do I think it is a fad. Transitioning is too long, expensive and difficult to be a fad. More to the point, whilst more young people are indeed transitioning, the average age to transition from male to female is 44, and from female to male it is 36 - so it is still largely a realm of adults. More fuss is made of children transitioning for the shock factor. That aside, as you said, there is greater awareness now of the possibility of transitioning - a friend of mine found out it was possible in his twenties and was on T within 6 months.

I came out to a girl I was sleeping with at the age of 13, however I was 17 before I mentioned anything to my mum or my doctor, because I was scared. My mother reacted very badly and I ended up moving out for a while, and she has yet to use my name or pronouns ever. I did transition at school, though, which was easier than I could ever have imagined. The only person with any problem with it was my head teacher - who I sorted out with a few little legal threats...
Contributor: Phosphorous Tick Phosphorous Tick
I never came out to my family. I never will.
My dad says it's like... watching a dog turn in to a cat freakish and disturbing.
So I just kind of
keep it to myself and my close friends ha ha
Contributor: lukas24 lukas24
I was living in the dorms at uni and there was a male-looking person living in the female section. I really wanted to be like them and I didn't know that it was possible at all before then. I had been coming to the realization slowly beforehand, but that just made it click for me.
Contributor: Kaleb Kaleb
My non-binary friend and I kind of took a gender journey together.
Contributor: treehugger treehugger
Originally posted by Kaleb
My non-binary friend and I kind of took a gender journey together.
Yeah! Gender journeys are the best when you've got a friend. I'm really glad I had a friend going through a similar/opposite thing too.