When your best friend transitions

I have family and friends that are trans. I understand that it can be difficult for everyone involved, and I have seen all types of reactions. I think it is great that you are trying to address your concerns, and this should be a safe place to do so.

What is it about pronouns that makes you uncomfortable? Do you not see him as a man, or is it a matter of correcting reactions? I'm glad that your friend is patient, but make sure you are also making effort to get there. Open discussion will help lots.

Sometimes your questions and concerns may feel like they are the elephant in the room; they don't need to be. As long as you make effort, the names and pronouns and other changes will gradually become natural. If you are to invent your own nickname, make sure that he is also comfortable with it. I would say that any questions you have should include your friend. Just as with any subject, people will have different reasons and thoughts and nobody wants the same thing; there is no one-fits-all. As well meaning as it is, you may pick up advice that he doesn't agree with or doesn't apply. If you are uncomfortable, conflicted, or confused, say so. Those types of emotions can be mistaken for rejection and you want to be clear if it isn't while you are trying to make efforts to reprogram, as it were.

I hope all this makes sense. Its only my opinion, of course, but just like everything in life, all wounds heal in time. Any problems you have now will take care of themselves if you make baby steps to address them. less

The problem with English is that we don't really have commonly used gender neutral pronouns... Yes, there's Ze, but that's not mainstream or socially easy.

If you're uncomfortable using male pronouns, don't use them at all, and just work on using his chosen name (I was with Taylor today and Taylor said that.... Chris said that we should go over there and we can all hang out together.") In time, once you become more used to the transition, it'll be easier. Spending more face time with him will make it easier to accept the pronoun because you'll be able to see him living the life that he is comfortable with, and that might make you more comfortable with it in general.

Best of luck less

I'm having a tough time with something right now, and it's not something I ever wanted to have a tough time with. I have a very, very close friend who I've known for years and he recently gender-transitioned. We were in different states for a couple years when he first started the transition, and now I'm actually living with him for 6 weeks.

I love him and support him in everything, but the transition isn't very easy for me. I try to use male pronouns and sometimes forget to (which he's ok with, he's very patient with me), or sometimes I'll avoid using pronouns all together. Even using male pronouns while writing this feels very... strange to me. I don't feel like I can use his female name anymore, even though that's how I know him, but he goes by nick names that don't mean anything to me with all his friends here. I'm trying different names to see how they feel, like his last name.

I want so bad to feel comfortable using the names and pronouns he prefers, but it's very difficult for me.

Has anyone else had a close friend who transitioned? Does anyone have any advice? less