The New Intimacy

Has your significant other ever told you not to do anything for a holiday or their birthday but you later found out that they expected you or wanted you to do something anyway?

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Contributor: vegan.guy vegan.guy
Have you ever been told by your significant other that they didn't want you to get them anything, or celebrate in any way, a holiday or their birthday, even though they still expected/ wanted you to do something?

I've seen this in a lot of sitcoms lately, and I was just wondering if this had ever happened to anyone on here?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Yes, this has happened to me
liilii080 , Dusk , potstickers , Mistress M. , *HisMrs* , shelly8791 , OhMy! , Kaltir , SaucyMan , callsignhusker
10  (31%)
No, this has never happened to me
DeliciousSurprise , Jobthingy , vegan.guy , ToyTimeTim , Coralbell , REDRUM , Alan & Michele , HoneyHoney , Angel deSanguine , darthkitt3n , Redboxbaby , sbon , That Guy , Miss T , ❦Angel Of Music❦ , ellejay , DCorrelle , honeybee7484 , dv8 , *Ashley* , purplekidney , GravyCakes
22  (69%)
Total votes: 32
Poll is closed
02/15/2011
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Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
No. I expect my partners to be honest with me, and I expect them not to be passive-aggressive. If you say you don't want me to do anything special, you damn well better not be upset when you get meatloaf for dinner instead of filet mignon. Being angry when you get what you asked for is childish and I don't play those games.
02/15/2011
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
No. I expect my partners to be honest with me, and I expect them not to be passive-aggressive. If you say you don't want me to do anything special, you damn well better not be upset when you get meatloaf for dinner instead of filet mignon. ... more
I dont play them either. I cannot be bothered. I am too blunt to piss around with stuff like that.
02/15/2011
Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
I tell my boyfriend not to get me gifts for the holidays right now because I am back in school and he is supporting us both. That is a year round gift. He says I shouldn't buy him anything either but we both still bought each other something for Xmas and V day. Nothing big, just something small and personal. I don't think it's passive aggressive and if he didn't buy me something, I wouldn't be upset. I just love to buy gifts and he like to make me happy. I thought it was sweet
02/15/2011
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
I think my husband meant it at the time, but he has since changed and likes to celebrate holidays, birthdays, and such now. So... I am voting the invisible "other"
02/15/2011
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
This kinda happened the other way around at Christmas; my partner and I agreed we wouldn't get anything for each other except maybe a video game to share, since we're saving up funds for grad school and a trip to Europe over the summer. He gets to my house and it turns out he got me this huge array of Christmas gifts!! Rawr -_- I felt awkward not having gotten him anything at that point, even though he said it was fine and he just did it spur of the moment.
02/15/2011
Contributor: potstickers potstickers
Oh, I misread the question. I have never had this problem with my boyfriend, since we always want to do things together for holidays.
However, I used to have this problem with my dad. He would say he didn't want anything (and buy himself anything he wanted throughout the year) so we wouldn't do anything special. Then when the day came he would get upset that we didn't plan anything special.
02/16/2011
Contributor: HoneyHoney HoneyHoney
I don't expect anything. I usually tell him I'm doing something special for him. He doesn't have to return the favor with anything other than sex.
02/16/2011
Contributor: vegan.guy vegan.guy
Quote:
Originally posted by HoneyHoney
I don't expect anything. I usually tell him I'm doing something special for him. He doesn't have to return the favor with anything other than sex.
lol
02/21/2011
Contributor: sbon sbon
No, we're always honest with each other. I might get him something anyway, even if he told me he didn't want anything, simply because I like giving things to him however small.
02/22/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
My husband says it and means it, but I still like to try and do something special anyway. I tell him that while it would be awesome to get/do something special for special occasions, I won't be upset if nothing happens. Sometimes we manage to do things, sometimes nothing happens. I'm a little sad, but I don't blame anybody for it, because if I really wanted to do something, I know I should have said something.
02/22/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
No. When My Man says something he means it. I do get him things for holidays, even if he says he doesn't want anything. But, I won't have a party if he doesn't want one.

His mother got angry at me, because when he turned 50, he said, in no uncertain terms, "DO NOT do anything for my birthday. I'd rather forget it. DO NOT."

So, I didn't. (Not like I had the money to do anything anyway.) The day of his birthday, his mother calls me and asks what I am doing for her son for his "special" birthday. When I said he didn't want anything, she starts in about what a "special day" this is (this is the woman who had not had guests over since her son graduated High School, because they "mess up the house" and has NEVER hosted an event or holiday since I have known him) I explained that he didn't want anything, and she threw a hissy fit.

I really wanted to ask her why she didn't throw him a party, but her ass had left for Florida just in time to MISS his birthday.

The woman ain't right.

She acted pissed at me for about 3 months. No big loss really.

But, My Man was so relieved I hadn't done anything. We stayed home, I made him a pie, we ate it with the kids, and I picked up Gyros and we just sat around and watched a movie and went to bed early and fucked all night. That was all the "special" he needed, really.
02/22/2011
Contributor: vegan.guy vegan.guy
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
No. When My Man says something he means it. I do get him things for holidays, even if he says he doesn't want anything. But, I won't have a party if he doesn't want one.

His mother got angry at me, because when he turned 50, he ... more
lol, yeah, people can be frustrating like that. But hey, it sounds like it ended up being a pretty great day.
02/22/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by vegan.guy
lol, yeah, people can be frustrating like that. But hey, it sounds like it ended up being a pretty great day.
It rocked.
02/22/2011
Contributor: vegan.guy vegan.guy
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
It rocked.
haha
02/22/2011
Contributor: Kaltir Kaltir
So often...
03/28/2011
Contributor: SaucyMan SaucyMan
Oh my, yes. Why do they do it? Please, I'd like to know, because it drives me up the bloody wall!
03/29/2011
Contributor: SaucyMan SaucyMan
Ooh, and sometimes, when they say they don't? And you do anyway, since they have previous? And then they get annoyed that you don't listen? Gah! *Pulls hair out*
03/29/2011
Contributor: callsignhusker callsignhusker
i think so actually lol
04/04/2011
Contributor: purplekidney purplekidney
If they say to not get anything, how can they get mad if you do what they asked? If you do something, they could just as easily get mad at you for not listening. Catch-22.
04/06/2011
Contributor: GravyCakes GravyCakes
Quote:
Originally posted by vegan.guy
Have you ever been told by your significant other that they didn't want you to get them anything, or celebrate in any way, a holiday or their birthday, even though they still expected/ wanted you to do something?

I've seen this in a ... more
my bf told me not to do anything for him for his b-day b/c he didn't want me to spend the money. so i bought a small frame & put my pic in it for him to put on his night stand or desk. he liked it & it only cost me about $6. but he's never said not to do something for him then gotten upset when i listened.
05/20/2011