The New Intimacy

Sex Ed and toys

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Contributor: AnalArtist AnalArtist
I just read about the woman in texas (I know, I am out of the loop.) But I was thinking, I didn't get taught about sex toys in "Personal Surveil". Teens getting pergent is a big concern and stds too. I can say this, it's a lot easier being single with toys. Nothing can or will ever replace a person but it is nice to have something better then a hand.
I think it might help a lot of teens and well it is a part of sex and I am thinking they should at less talk about it for part of a class.
09/22/2008
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Contributor: Beautiful Dreamer Beautiful Dreamer
Quote:
Originally posted by AnalArtist
I just read about the woman in texas (I know, I am out of the loop.) But I was thinking, I didn't get taught about sex toys in "Personal Surveil". Teens getting pergent is a big concern and stds too. I can say this, it's a lot ... more
I just graduated in 2005 (I'm young, I know). We never had ANY sex ed. NOTHING. No basic anatomy, no contraceptives, nothing. It's quite terrifying. We had a girl think she was pregnant from oral at the age of 16. The lack of information is shocking.
09/22/2008
Contributor: Cock Wrangler Cock Wrangler
The lack of basic sex ed, not to mention more complete sexuality education, in this country is disturbing. Sex toy usage would be an excellent addition to such discussion, where it exists-- sex toys provide another option for safer, low-risk sexual encounters.
09/22/2008
Contributor: Epiphora Epiphora
Great topic. I totally agree; toys make so much sense for sex ed it's not even funny, but instead they're taboo. I feel so strongly about this that I made a sex ed video for one of my gender classes last year. I was excited to be able to include toys in it (although I would've liked to have had a bigger section on them). It's 45 minutes long but cut into different sections on YouTube -- here's a playlist of them. The "Interpersonal Connections" section has some toys in it, as does "SEX part one" (and that section, at about 5 minutes in, has the most ridiculous/hilarious/d isgusting scene that we did).

Name the sex toys!
09/22/2008
Contributor: Bulma Bulma
I agree that the lack of sex ed is disturbing, however I believe it is the responsibility of the parents or guardians of the child/teen and not the "right" of the government through schools. Sadly not all parents talk to their kids about it, and even then, not all of them are properly informed. I personally do not want my daughters learning about sex from anyone besides me, and I plan to be their source for education regarding sex. I think dumping information on kids then giving them a condom is a stupid approach to it, and I also think teaching abstinence only is stupid. However, I understand that a lot of parents don't care about the sexual health of their children because of a belief that they can control the kid forever and keep them from being sexually active through fear or lack of information.

With that said, I would also like to say that with the current system, I would love to see sex toys covered in sex ed. Teens are horny, and an outlet besides rape or unsafe sex practices would be awesome. Proper education about safe sex should absolutely include masturbation with or without toys, and some basic toy safety. Teens have the desire for sex just as much or more so than adults do, a safe way to release that sexual frustration would be a huge benefit to everyone in society. Wouldn't a teen guy with a masturbation sleeve be more comfortable and relaxed than a teen guy who hides in the bathroom with the door locked skulking in shame and fear?

My daughters are currently only 3 1/2 and 2, but I already know how I will talk to them and what I will teach them when the time comes. They already know the proper names for parts and have a general respect for their bodies even if it's not sexual yet. As they get older I will keep the communication open, and avoid one "sex talk" as I think it's important to have a constant open dialogue. When the time comes for them to start having sexual desires and/or questions, I will educate them to the best of my knowledge and educate myself more if needed. I already know that I will teach them about sex toys, and probably even help them pick their first toys out. If they choose to become sexually active with a real person, they will do so equipped with a cute little safe sex kit

I wish every parent took sexual health and education so seriously. It is the responsibility of the parent to provide knowledge and education for the child. The schools shouldn't have to step in and do the parenting too.

This is a great topic which is close to my heart, so thank you for starting the thread Greathouse2008
09/22/2008
Contributor: Beautiful Dreamer Beautiful Dreamer
Quote:
Originally posted by Bulma
I agree that the lack of sex ed is disturbing, however I believe it is the responsibility of the parents or guardians of the child/teen and not the "right" of the government through schools. Sadly not all parents talk to their kids about ... more
While I totally agree with you that parents should initiate the discussion, it doesn't always happen and sometimes even parents aren't informed enough.

I know, personally speaking, I knew more about sex, diseases, the whole subject in general, by time I was 14 than my parents did. Things are very different today. I also live in a small town where everything is kept quiet. Pregnancies are talked about in hushed tones, the girl that is on birth control is considered diseased by all of the other parents. When our school had a STD outbreak, everyone acted like their kid got it at the drinking fountain. It's terrible. I also understand it's due to lack of information and a lack of being willing to learn that information. While I think we are making steps in the right direction, it's not happening fast enough.

It is a tough subject to broach. I personally support school education, but completely understand and respect your desire to teach your own girls. I just think many parents don't know enough, or feel comfortable enough, to teach their own children.
09/22/2008
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
Quote:
Originally posted by Beautiful Dreamer
While I totally agree with you that parents should initiate the discussion, it doesn't always happen and sometimes even parents aren't informed enough.I know, personally speaking, I knew more about sex, diseases, the whole subject in general, ... more
Our school had a baby barn. Basically what we had were child education classes taught to high schoolers and the children they supervised or learned to work with were the children of fellow classmates. If you had a baby in high school you were given the opportunity to have on site childcare so that you were able to attend your classes.

We dealt with a lot of teenage pregnancies even after they implemented a very good sex ed program. We brought over middle schoolers and set them up with classes at the high school that taught them parenting skills as well as regular school work. I knew a girl who got pregnant in 7th grade and the school decided it was best to send her to high school. After she delivered, her daughter went to the baby barn and she attended classes in high school that were intended for students that didn't perform well, she was never allowed to go back to middle school.

Our sex ed classes were great, they even brought in guest speakers when I was in high school to give talks- like about abortion, birth control, std's. We were shown pictures of what actual std's looked like on genitals that really put things into perspective. I can't remember if we given condoms during the class but the school nurse always had them to give out to students for free.

I must have had it differently, I knew that condoms were a must every time and that they even failed to protect against pregnancy. I had a Mom who would rarely try to discuss sex with me but she bought me on birth control pills at 15.

I think it's HIGHLY important that parents get involved when talking sex with their kids, but they aren't always going to do it and you do have a lot of parents that don't realize that AIDS and HIV is a lot more serious than it was 30 or even 20 years ago. While I strongly push that students should have sex ed classes in middle school I don't agree with certain programs to teach younger children. I remember Obama's stance on teaching sex ed to kindergartners and I just can't find myself agreeing with it.

While toys are fabulous I strongly feel they should only be available to adults. 18 ... If parents want to buy their kids sex toys that's up to them but teenagers shouldn't be able to walk into a sex shop and just pull product after product off the shelves. However, condoms should be readily accessible to any and all people that want them.
09/22/2008
Contributor: AnalArtist AnalArtist
I strongly agree with both parents should teach their kids sex and teenagers shouldn't be allowed in a sex shop. Espically, since I could see them just goofy off and ruining it for other buyers. Parents should teach and tell their kids about sex. Just like what Bulma said, not one big long speak But I am saying, should they teach about toys in sex ed?
09/23/2008
Contributor: Epiphora Epiphora
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
Our school had a baby barn. Basically what we had were child education classes taught to high schoolers and the children they supervised or learned to work with were the children of fellow classmates. If you had a baby in high school you were given ... more
Now, now. I hope you know what Obama meant by "sex ed" for kindergartners. Quote:

"We have a existing law that mandates sex education in the schools. We want to make sure that it's medically accurate and age-appropriate.

Now, I'll give you an example, because I have a six-year-old daughter and a three-year-old daughter, and one of the things my wife and I talked to our daughter about is the possibility of somebody touching them inappropriately, and what that might mean.

And that was included specifically in the law, so that kindergarteners are able to exercise some possible protection against abuse, because I have family members as well as friends who suffered abuse at that age. So, that's the kind of stuff that I was talking about in that piece of legislation."
09/23/2008
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
In the Illinois State Legislature, Barack Obama voted for legislation to alter Illinois’ Sex Education standards to include instruction in any grade from Kindergarten through 12th grade.The legislation passed Barack Obama’s Illinois Senate Health and Human Services Committee that he chaired. As the Chicago Daily Herald stated, “the legislation included a provision to allow students from kindergarten through fifth grade to be added to the middle and high school students receiving sex education.”

Despite the Obama campaign’s claims, this bill was intended to provide children as young as Kindergarten with sex education. According to the legislation itself, “Each class or course in comprehensive sex education offered in any of grades K through 12 shall include instruction on the prevention of sexually transmitted infections, including the prevention, transmission and spread of HIV.”

link

I feel instead of classes teaching children to understand if they're being sexually abused we should instead instruct the teachers to better recognize the warning signs and learn how to handle a situation if they believe a student is being molested. I feel that sexual education should become
09/23/2008
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
In the Illinois State Legislature, Barack Obama voted for legislation to alter Illinois’ Sex Education standards to include instruction in any grade from Kindergarten through 12th grade.The legislation passed Barack Obama’s Illinois Senate Health and ... more
I don't want to become political in the least because he's a favorable candidate in my eyes, but I sincerely wish that better sex education programs could be implemented into middle school to help teach kids about sex, pregnancy, abortion, std, and the like. There should be an age limit to who receives the education but the fact of the matter is that it should be there, period. It should be available in schools because let's face it, some parents don't know how to communicate the facts to their kids.
09/23/2008
Contributor: Beautiful Dreamer Beautiful Dreamer
Quote:
Originally posted by AnalArtist
I strongly agree with both parents should teach their kids sex and teenagers shouldn't be allowed in a sex shop. Espically, since I could see them just goofy off and ruining it for other buyers. Parents should teach and tell their kids about sex. ... more
I think they could at least mention it as an alternative. But I still want sex ed implemented. It definitely isn't happening in my area. I am willing to bet that our school had a higher abortion percentage than the country. You had an abortion, your parents bought you a brand new car. I'm not kidding. It was seriously disturbing. Sleeping Dreamer's school sounds amazing.
09/23/2008
Contributor: Oggins Oggins
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
I don't want to become political in the least because he's a favorable candidate in my eyes, but I sincerely wish that better sex education programs could be implemented into middle school to help teach kids about sex, pregnancy, abortion, ... more
While I agree with Bulma, in a perfect world, it is the parents responsibility to talk to their kids.....Kids shouldn't be deprived of a good sex education course because they have crappy parents. Lets face it, not all parents are going to talk to their kids because, some parents just don't care. Some kids don't even have parents and go from one foster home to the other as well. Who's going to talk to them? Sleeping Dreamer is absolutely right! "There should be an age limit to who receives the education but the fact of the matter is that it should be there, period." Even if they do have parents that talk to them, alot of parents are close minded and may not understand the needs of a teen who has a different sexual orientation than they do. They may not even understand that there can also be inappropriate touching or whatever from someone of the same sex. Sexual education courses may need broadened to cover more topics than what they do currently but, they definitely should remain in place! The teen years are confusing enough without not knowing anything..... I have to agree with Beautiful Dreamer though.....Sleeping Dreamers school does sound amazing! =)
09/23/2008
Contributor: handprinted handprinted
Recently, I engaged my dad in a discussion on this topic. He is against comprehensive sex education in public schools because he believed it was the parents' responsibilty to teach their children about sex. I agreed with him, that it is their responsibility, but that statistically, most parents fail -- either they don't talk about it, don't have accurate information, or provide the same abstinence-only dogma that the federal government currently sanctions. He repeated his argument (which is his way of "defending" it, of course) until I asked him if he thought he and my mom had been good parents. He stumbled over the question but ultimately said that he thought they had been, and I agreed with him...and then asked if he knew how old I was when I he and my mom taught me about safe sex (or sex at all). He had no idea, because, I reminded him, they never taught me that. If they were what qualified as "good parents," I reasoned, how could ALL parents be trusted to provide this information that even "good parents" didn't provide?

I don't think I necessarily changed his mind completely, but I certainly got him to look at the situation from another perspective, which for my dad, was huge. (He's as stubborn as they come. )

Essentially, my point, is that it IS the parents' responsibility. But most parents, even the good ones, don't provide this information. Should the burden then fall to the schools? Maybe, maybe not, but when it's so critical that young people receive this information, it's my opinion that the necessity should override the debate regarding WHO. Someone has to. Is providing it in the schools the perfect solution? No, but it's probably better than it not being provided at all.
09/23/2008
Contributor: Cock Wrangler Cock Wrangler
I'm all in favor of starting basic sex-ed in kindergarten. And by basic, I mean it could be as simple as teaching about body parts, what happens to bodies as they develop, etc. Kids are old enough by that point to be exploring with each other (whether you think that's fine or not, it happens all the time), which demonstrates that they're old enough to be thinking about those concepts, even if they don't have the language for it. So why not give them the language and teach them socially appropriate touching vs. not?
09/23/2008
Contributor: Cock Wrangler Cock Wrangler
Something like this, in fact. Or this classic book, which I had when I was young and probably my healthy sexual development immensely.
09/24/2008
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I am almost always ferociously against teaching morality and religion in school, but I don't think TEACHING about sex is really a morality-based lesson. The basic mechanics of sex don't change just because you think certain parts of it are immoral!

Also, considering the fact that most young'uns get up to the hanky-panky after they've met at school, I think optional sex ed should be available: the school could teach a basic course about body parts, how sex works, STIs, and birth control options once a year, and they could allow parents to opt their children out. Or they could separate the basic body part/sex class from the birth control class.

Most parents just don't think to warn their kids about the dangers of sex; they either act like it doesn't exist or beat abstinence in to their head, which doesn't inform the child of the dark side of sex, so they go off and do it and believe all of the myths that circulate (pull-out method is effective, you can't get herpes via oral sex, etcetera).

I was lucky: I read (and still do read) voraciously, so I figured it all out myself. I still know more than my 25-year-old sister (who has had more sex partners than I have) because I read up on sex. But most children are not that way, and they'll just go with what feels natural or with what their friends say.

I also agree with Sleeping Dreamer about toys being an adult thing. I don't think high school students are mature enough to handle the subject without making a mockery out of it and making those who are interested in toys feel guilty about it. (At least, that's how it would have been at my high school.) I DO like the idea of having sex toy lectures and showcases at college campuses.
09/24/2008
Contributor: Epiphora Epiphora
I guess I'm going to be the only one to say that I think sex toys should be available to, say, 16 year olds. It would have been really nice to just be able to get a vibrator then. Kids are so horny around that time... it just makes sense to me. So what if they come into a sex shop and laugh a little bit? The main thing is that they are safe and not getting pregnant/impregnating someone.
09/24/2008
Contributor: Epiphora Epiphora
The idea that the responsibility of teaching sex ed falls on the parents... scares me. Parents are not health officials. They aren't trained. They don't know how to talk about things in a specific way to make it more agreeable to teenagers. They often don't know much about "new fangled" things (my mom didn't know the Nuvaring existed). Many of them never bring up sex anyway, and if they do, it's to say "don't have sex until you're married."

The most my parents ever said to me was my mom saying "tell me when you need birth control." That, at least, was a really nice thing, and I did. But that is not adequate sex education. When I started dry humping my boyfriend, I actually got worried that I could get pregnant somehow because I'm insanely paranoid. Almost everything I now know about sex, I got from the internet. I had to look it all up, one at a time, when the questions occurred to me. Then I had to decide if a website was credible enough to believe.

This is not how things should go down. I feel very strongly that schools have the responsibility to give teenagers the FACTS. They should teach us that abstinence is the only 100% way, sure, but they should say that with condoms and birth control, you are very, very safe. They should tell us where to get condoms and birth control, where to get lube (and that lube can prevent condom breakage, which I didn't even know until this year), etc. They should talk about sexuality and gender identity. This could go on for a long time... I expected so much more from my sex education, and all I got was "these are STDs... aren't you scared??"
09/24/2008
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
^ Well, condoms are only very very safe if you use them correctly. One thing sex ed programs forget is that a visual lesson will work much better than a verbal lesson, or when used in conjuction with a verbal lesson.
09/24/2008
Contributor: Innocently Masturbating Innocently Masturbating
Quote:
Originally posted by Bulma
I agree that the lack of sex ed is disturbing, however I believe it is the responsibility of the parents or guardians of the child/teen and not the "right" of the government through schools. Sadly not all parents talk to their kids about ... more
I agree very much with your first paragraph. I WANT kids taught about sex, but I the government isn't good at catering to individual needs of children/teens. One size does not fit all. Beyond teaching reproduction, parents need to be the ones leading their children through the complicated issue of sex and sexuality.

The children do NOT belong to the gov't. Parents are the ones who invest time, love, and money in them. The gov't doesn't have personal relationships with the children, the families do.

Good parents are the go to people for sex information because even if they don't know the answer they'll try to help you because they don't want you to be fucked up (physically or mentally).

I never needed sex-ed, just common sense. Don't do something unless you actually know what you're doing. That said, my knowledge of sex and sexuality is soley derived from my Christian sex for pre-teens (I remember it talking about wet dreams, which was cool) and the internet. I learned about my clitoris from the internet (yes, really). Viva intertoobs.

While we probably have major viewpoint issues, Bulma, I congratulate you on accepting that your kids are sexual beings and need love and support. Kids need to know the right thing to do, but they need to know that there's someone who respects and cares for them,too.

I think, at the heart of the matter, personal responsibility is the most important thing that should be stressed. Think before you do things, and be aware of the consequences. People seem to be in love with the idea that anything and it won't affect them.

I don't understand how masturbation is more taboo than sex. For me, nothing should be too taboo to talk about. Yeah, maybe you don't want to talk about it 24/7, but it's there, so why not talk about it?

*super hugs for you*
09/24/2008
Contributor: Innocently Masturbating Innocently Masturbating
Quote:
Originally posted by AnalArtist
I just read about the woman in texas (I know, I am out of the loop.) But I was thinking, I didn't get taught about sex toys in "Personal Surveil". Teens getting pergent is a big concern and stds too. I can say this, it's a lot ... more
I'm a virgin by choice, and I'd be one with or without toys, but toys make being single more FUN!

I can understand toys being useful for people single by situation or choice. Hand cramps, anyone? Stickin' crap where it doesn't belong, anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Our "society" seems to be more comfortable talking about sex than masturbation aids. Shows can outright talk about sex, but masturbation must never, ever (ever, ever, ever, ever) be named - allusions are okay as long as your sophomoric . . . but NEVAH say the M word. NEVER. EVER.
09/24/2008
Contributor: Beautiful Dreamer Beautiful Dreamer
Quote:
Originally posted by Innocently Masturbating
I'm a virgin by choice, and I'd be one with or without toys, but toys make being single more FUN!I can understand toys being useful for people single by situation or choice. Hand cramps, anyone? Stickin' crap where it doesn't belong, ... more
I think the worst stigma my partner and I have ran across is prostate stimulation. The reaction to the IDEA was so negative, we didn't dare mention we actually regularly do & he regularly loves it.
Don't ask me why my g-spot & clit are "okay" while his prostate is "terrible". I have no clue.
09/24/2008
Contributor: AnalArtist AnalArtist
Yeah I notice that too. I think one problem is, a lot of men want to try it or do and use something they shouldn't and it gets stuck up there. Also no lube, I wanted to do it and I did the research and then bought a toy. But yeah, something about men we aren't allowed to have toys haha
09/26/2008
Contributor: Andyman25 Andyman25
Quote:
Originally posted by AnalArtist
I just read about the woman in texas (I know, I am out of the loop.) But I was thinking, I didn't get taught about sex toys in "Personal Surveil". Teens getting pergent is a big concern and stds too. I can say this, it's a lot ... more
i think all schools should have sex ed classes its alot easier on the parents that are to embarrased to talk with there children
11/17/2010
Contributor: Andyman25 Andyman25
all schools need sex ed classes
11/17/2010
Contributor: LilLostLenore LilLostLenore
I had a sex ed class in the 8th grade. It was interesting.
10/04/2011
Contributor: LaSchwartz LaSchwartz
At my school in 6th grade they had a know your body class aka what is going on down there and it was optional. the girls were with the girls and guys were with guys. Then in middle school we had a health class they had a day for sex education and I really didn't Learn anything.I was then compelled to ask my mom about it and I was shocked looking back on it I now I find it funny. Then in High School we talked about pregnancy not really sex but what a women's body goes though she had a small talk about condoms and std but not too much information. My teacher wanted to talk more about and went on a rant one day about it but my school was really conservative. I think school should have sex education and tech kids more because not everyone's parents can tech their kids what they need to know If i didn't ask my mom i wouldn't of known. And there are cases like if your same sex parent doesn't live with you. or your living with your grandparents there are some people teens wouldn't want to talk about sex with.
11/02/2011