Why do a few people feel the need to demean others who post? - Created by Mr. John on May 21, 2013: EdenFantasys Forum

Woman China

I've never actually noticed anyone really pointing out things other than that the thread they started has been started before so pleases use the search function. I've had people point out that a thread I've started was started in the past, but I find that to be helpful because it made me learn about the search function and seeing the same topic posted so many times is... well.. to put it simply... annoying.

That being said, I wish more people would type in English rather than chat speak. And I applaud those who have pointed out that they cannot read what is being said. I do not feel that is bullying, just stating the obvious that they'd like to respond to their posts, but just cannot understand what is being said. And on the other hand, I have seen posts where people have asked why no one replies to their posts, and the times I have seen this asked, it is because of the posters use of chat speak.

Are these the type of scenarios you are talking about?

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05/21/2013

RonLee

I have been the one to occasionally point out that I could not understand what the Original Poster (OP) was talking about.
Additionally, I've poked fun at those who misuse words such as they're, their and there, among others. (By the way, I have caught my own mistakes and gone back and edited that post)

Mr. John, if you wish to consider that to be bullying, well that's your opinion.
I consider it to be a bit of encouragement for people to learn to use the language just a little bit better. When I make a mistake worthy of chastisement, feel free and give it to me, I'm a big boy I can take it.

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05/21/2013

KinkyKatieJames

Quote:

Originally posted by Woman China

I've never actually noticed anyone really pointing out things other than that the thread they started has been started before so pleases use the search function. I've had people point out that a thread I've started was started in the ... more

I'm with you on this. I have only seen the same type of scenarios and I see nothing wrong with it. I haven't seen anyone even come off as rude when pointing out that he/she cannot understand the post.

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05/21/2013

Mwar

Independent of grammar, I don't see many occurrences here, but I have seen it. If someone uses the wrong term talking about a sexual/social topic I think they can be politely corrected or informed, but sometimes I see people get really offended and flame the person. That's a bit of an overreaction.

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05/21/2013

Woman China

Quote:

Originally posted by Mwar

Independent of grammar, I don't see many occurrences here, but I have seen it. If someone uses the wrong term talking about a sexual/social topic I think they can be politely corrected or informed, but sometimes I see people get really offended ... more

But that brings up a very good point.... What are the correct or proper terms for various terms? It seems like these terms are continually evolving and how to stay informed of various terms when they don't always apply to you???

I usually make these types of errors and not done on purpose to insult another, it is an innocent mistake as I do not live in a place where I can get the proper terms. So I do appreciate people taking a moment to correct my words so I don't make those mistakes in the future. But if a member 'flare' (I do like this term!!!) another, I do think that is in bad form. But again, I have never seen that happen before here. But I do try to stay out of topics where it might be a touchy topic.

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05/21/2013

RaspberryRogue

LOL. I saw that game thread where someone told you that it was a one word movie title game and I personally thought you were in the wrong...

Obviously it's just a game, so it's not too big of a deal either way, which is the reason why I think this particular thread is funny. However, by you quoting their post of "one word movie titles" and then intentionally putting a three word title it didn't seem to be "in the spirit of fun" it seemed like you were being an ass, for lack of a better word.

I also don't mean for you to take offense to this; I'm just telling you how it seemed to me.

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05/21/2013

Ryuson

(Review Program Mentor)

The Eden forums are actually the most respectful place I've seen on the internet, other than 'child friendly' heavily modded forums. While there are the occasional grammar nazis, they are usually quite polite!

As far as the games-- I feel like correcting someone on how the game is played is normal. Like, if you suddenly started going backwards in Monopoly, the people you were playing with would probably tell you that you're going the wrong way.

The 'search before you post' comments can get a bit old, but a newbie may not know that bit of forum etiquette (I know I didn't), so the occasional reminder may be helpful to a lot of people.

Pointing out other peoples mistakes isn't always demeaning. Another thing you have to remember is that tone isn't conveyed over the internet; many times I've typed things out that SOUND fine, but really upset someone else, simply because not having tone made it sound like I was being insulting. You should do your best to give people the benefit of the doubt online!

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05/21/2013

ViVix

My personal opinion (watch the happy-go-lucky people turn negative really fast with this one) is that if Eden wanted you to be a forum moderator or editor for the site, you would have been given that job. To go in and correct other people rather than add to the discussion in a meaningful way is just over the top.

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05/21/2013

Intrepid Niddering

Honestly, I hadn't seen things that way, but I can understand how it comes across like that.

What I don't like are the people who will make a discussion asking some question (whether it be a question I want to know the answer of, too, or not) and every single reply is pretty much everyone telling the OP to look it up or, "Google is your friend." Why couldn't they just answer the question?

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05/21/2013

Mr. John

Woman China,
I'm sorry, but I don't understand what chat speak is. I'll assume it's some form of abbreviated language, much like texting. Please know that I have no problem with bringing something to someone’s attention. However, I have a problem if it's done in a condescending mean spirited manner. That said, 99% of the postings done on Eden are by very kind and thoughtful people.

RonLee,
I'm not judging whether your poking fun of someone is bullying. However, I would not consider it as encouragement either, as you phrased it. Also, I don't think you can look at it as a teaching moment either.

Mwar,
I think most people appreciate thoughtful criticism and encouragement. It is all in how you approach it. Those persons who lack the sensitivity for teaching and learning, are best not to say anything at all.

RasberryRouge,
You missed the mark entirely. None the less, it seems you have illustrated an aspect of my post. I’ll quote you; “seemed like you were being an ass, for lack of a better word. I also don't mean for you to take offense to this” Okay, I suppose no offense taken. But, I do think your words about sum it up for you.

Ryuson,
I don’t have a problem with most of what you wrote. But, I would ask you to note that my post clearly said “a few people”. So, my criticism is being directed at maybe 1% of the people on this site. That means out of 100 people you may know here, I am being critical towards one person. Is that such a stretch? So, I am just pointing out to you, that a handful of people are less than artful when using criticism.

ViVix,
Thank you for your opinion regarding this matter.

Intrepid Niddering,
I appreciate your thoughtful comments.

I respectfully remind readers here, that my post specifically said it was regarding just a few. Its my opinion that 99% of the postings done on Eden are by very kind and thoughtful people. My intent was never to use a broad brush.

Reply

05/22/2013

RaspberryRogue

I don't believe I illustrated an aspect of your post. I was neither being demeaning nor pointing out unintentional mistakes, I was simply telling you how the situation seemed to me.

I also said "for lack of a better word" because I couldn't think of a friendlier word for what you seemed to me in that specific post. If someone can tell me a word that I could have used besides ass that has the same connotation, then please fill me in. Jerk may be able to describe Mr. John in that post, from my point of view anyways, but I don't know if that is a bad word as well...

As I've said, it was a game, not a big deal. Try to follow the rules, if you sincerely miss it, the world won't end. It's all about fun, no? So why are we arguing? (:

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05/22/2013

Mr. John

Quote:

Originally posted by RaspberryRogue

I don't believe I illustrated an aspect of your post. I was neither being demeaning nor pointing out unintentional mistakes, I was simply telling you how the situation seemed to me.

I also said "for lack of a better word" ... more

Firstly, you are under the misimpression that I am, or was arguing. If so, you are absolutely wrong. That said, you may want to go back to the post your speaking of and re-review. The post I had was with a couple I've posted with before. They are very nice people, and we enjoy fun banter. Yes I erred, and they had fun with me, and in-turn my response to them was meant in fun as well. However, I understand that you may not have realized that. So, please go back, and you’ll probably see some follow-up posts which might help you understand. Nothing at all mean spirited between us. If you choose to just focus on a game rule, and that some how I’m angry, then that is your prerogative. But, it’s not the case.

Now, if you want to discuss what appears like anger issues you may have, I'm happy to do so. Obviously, your choosing language like "jerk" without cause, is concerning. And yes, "jerk" is a bad inflammatory word. That may not be your intent, but it is what comes across to readers. And by the way, do you remember what this post is about? It's about people who use demeaning and derogatory language. That is what your demonstrating, though you may not mean to. So, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. But, what I’m trying to get you to look at, is that your language may be considered hurtful by some.

Look, I’m sure you’re a very nice person at heart. I would however, suggest you think before you post things you cant take back. You may find Eden has standards regarding language considered inflammatory . It’s just a word of advice.

Thank you for your comments, and I wish you the very best.

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05/22/2013

surreptitious

(Review Program Mentor)

Quote:

Originally posted by RaspberryRogue

I don't believe I illustrated an aspect of your post. I was neither being demeaning nor pointing out unintentional mistakes, I was simply telling you how the situation seemed to me.

I also said "for lack of a better word" ... more

If you wanted a different word, you could have used "contrary." That provides the same general idea without being so negative or name-calling.

As for why people demean others, the reasons definitely vary from person to person. I definitely can't give you a single, accurate answer to that question, because generalizing like that would fail to take into account the variety of motivations at play. One reason would be that, like Ryuson said, they don't realize that they're coming off as inflammatory. It could be that they are genuinely trying to be helpful, and are simply not tactful or sensitive. Other times, it may be that a user has seen the same thing happening over and over again, and it builds up until they just snap and unleash all the pent up rage over one little thing done by a dozen users. Still other times, it may be because a poster has a disdain for stupidity and they perceive an action taken by another user to be stupid, which they then decide gives them free range to say whatever they want. Some people simply enjoy arguing or screwing with people, and they do it because they care more for their own entertainment than other people's feelings. Finally - and here's the one that tends to cause me to be snappiest - when there is blatant point farming going on or if someone has done something (other than a typos - I'm talking actual grievances) on multiple occasions, and ignored polite attempts to suggest a more productive path, I tend to be significantly less civil than I would be in other situations. I'm not saying that I flip out and start swearing at people, but I will call a spade a spade. If you don't want people mentioning your behaviour, then you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. That's far from a comprehensive list of potential motivation, but I would say that those are some likely explanations.

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05/22/2013

UnknownGirl

Quote:

Originally posted by Woman China

I've never actually noticed anyone really pointing out things other than that the thread they started has been started before so pleases use the search function. I've had people point out that a thread I've started was started in the ... more

Well said. I feel the same way about chat speak.

Reply

05/23/2013

Mr. John

Quote:

Originally posted by surreptitious

If you wanted a different word, you could have used "contrary." That provides the same general idea without being so negative or name-calling.

As for why people demean others, the reasons definitely vary from person to person. I ... more

If you wanted a different word, you could have used "contrary." That provides the same general idea without being so negative or name-calling.

As for why people demean others, the reasons definitely vary from person to person. I definitely can't give you a single, accurate answer to that question, because generalizing like that would fail to take into account the variety of motivations at play. One reason would be that, like Ryuson said, they don't realize that they're coming off as inflammatory. It could be that they are genuinely trying to be helpful, and are simply not tactful or sensitive. Other times, it may be that a user has seen the same thing happening over and over again, and it builds up until they just snap and unleash all the pent up rage over one little thing done by a dozen users. Still other times, it may be because a poster has a disdain for stupidity and they perceive an action taken by another user to be stupid, which they then decide gives them free range to say whatever they want. Some people simply enjoy arguing or screwing with people, and they do it because they care more for their own entertainment than other people's feelings. Finally - and here's the one that tends to cause me to be snappiest - when there is blatant point farming going on or if someone has done something (other than a typos - I'm talking actual grievances) on multiple occasions, and ignored polite attempts to suggest a more productive path, I tend to be significantly less civil than I would be in other situations. I'm not saying that I flip out and start swearing at people, but I will call a spade a spade. If you don't want people mentioning your behaviour, then you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. That's far from a comprehensive list of potential motivation, but I would say that those are some likely explanations. less

Dear surreptitious,

I really do appreciate your very thoughtful examination, regarding my post. In retrospect, I will probably avoid touching on societal issues in the future. Generally speaking, I think readers prefer lighter, more day to day mundane subject matter.

You mentioned not being comprehensive, but we both know it would be unrealistic to expect that in this particular setting. However, you were poignant and specific, with targeting the most likely explanations. Trying to be comprehensive on this topic, I think is better left for a someone’s psychology thesis.

You had mentioned snapping points, or I might say, reaching the end of ones rope. It’s not something that any reasonable person expects to have happen. But, none of us have any control over another’s behavior. When confronted by irrational behavior, its natural to try and help that person realize it, and maybe try coaxing them down a more fruitful path. We do that because 9 times out of ten, that is a good approach. It’s that small percentage though, which causes any of us to reach our tipping point.

Thank you once again for your response.

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05/23/2013

surreptitious

(Review Program Mentor)

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. John

Dear surreptitious,

I really do appreciate your very thoughtful examination, regarding my post. In retrospect, I will probably avoid touching on societal issues in the future. Generally speaking, I think readers prefer lighter, more day to day ... more

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me! I thought that I had set alerts on this thread, but clearly I had forgotten or I would have come back and responded before now.

Personally, I am quite a big fan of healthy debate and/or controversy, but the problem on a public forum is that there is no way to ensure that everyone else realizes that things can be debated without any personal offense being meant.

The mention of a psychology thesis has me toying with writing one. I mean, I very much doubt that I am going to go to grad school for psychology (which was my major when I did my undergraduate studies), but I do think that if I had the time, psychology would definitely interest me the most in terms of a thesis project. I just think that medical school is more up my alley in terms of career choices.

I honestly do believe from what I've seen around the forums that there are users who will simply get fed up with a single person's or multiple users repeated offenses (or perceived offenses). I don't think that it's the case most of the time, but I think that it does happen.

I appreciate the personalized response.

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05/28/2013