Drugs and jail in the family (Tough family topic)

If your grandmother used while she was pregnant with your father he doesn't have the same "rewards" system that non-drug addled babies start life with. He is less resistant to avoiding impulsive decisions and it probably completely rewired his brain. If you aren't an addict, it can be a difficult thing to comprehend. "Just say no!", right? It doesn't work that way. As much as we all wish it would, it just doesn't.

I'm sorry that you're struggling with it. It's never easy to watch someone slowly kill themselves.

I think all families have problems. I have an older 1st cousin that is in prison for using/dealing meth and was doing it around his young children.

If he was born an addict that leaves his body craving things to be addicted to his whole life. I feel bad for him, you, and the rest of your family! Addiction is a hard thing to over come. Depending on what he is addicted to it is even harder. Drugs like Heroin, Meth, and Crack/Cocaine are hard to overcome and usually end up changing the person they are.

My uncle, well my step uncle, is addicted to Meth and Alcohol. He shot his sister in the neck when he was a preteen, which was an accident. She did survive, but my grandfather and my grandmother gave him HELL for the rest of his life about it. This has turned into a mental thing for him and he copes with it with alcohol. Well, one day drinking he came across someone with Meth. Soon after that he began cooking it and selling it. He got pulled over one night with a meth lab in his van. Then when out on bond, he did the same thing. He went away for 4.5 years. When he got out, he started old patterns. Hanging out with the same people, drinking everyday. Then started making Meth again. Only this time the meth put the people he loved in danger. It made him super paranoid. He held his girlfriend and new born baby captive by knife point. Until he passed out from being up for so long. He awoke to the police arresting him. He is now gone for at least 10 years.

If you knew my uncle before this, he was a really nice guy. However, drugs and prison changed him completely. He is not the same person at all anymore.

This sounds almost like my father, although I don't know if he was born that way or not. I love my daddy, but I don't see him like I used to anymore. I am honestly waiting for the day that someone tells me either he died or somebody killed him. I wouldn't even hate it if he went to jail for something, at least then I would know where he was and that he had a roof and 3 meals a day.

I'm sorry you are going through this, Miss Nessa.

I don't know if being born addicted will cause someone to crave drugs all their life. The jury is still out on it, and the research supports both sides of the issue. Many people whose mothers were "on drugs" when they were born are fine and healthy. We know now the entire "crack baby" propaganda was to demonize unmarried African American women and take their babies away. There is so much propaganda in the antidrug community that getting the truth is difficult.

However, there is research that being the child of an addict or of two addict raises one's chance of becoming dependent on drugs later in life.

IMO, people who have problems with things like heroin should be given enough heroin each day to keep them comfortable and allow their neurotransmitters to function well. Make the stuff legal, instead of blaming people who are dependent on a drug, and allow access to it so that those whose neuro make up may well NEED mind altering substances to function normally.

The problem is when people "get high" rather than take more than they need to function. It is difficult to control.

I hope your Daddy can heal. Can he get into a Methadone program? That keeps the neurotransmitters filled with Methadone so they don't crave getting high.

If he is using an other drug than heroin (or any other opiate) then I doubt being born "addicted" to heroin has anything to do with wanting to use coke or meth or crack. But, being a child of someone who needs drugs to function may well genetically cause that person to need some drug to function on their own.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Thank goodness, my niece is clean now and has been for almost 5 years!!!!

Alanon may help. Just keep your perspective. Take what you need from the meetings and leave the rest. Some chapters are really helpful, some are full of angry, whining people who complain and complain and these conditions won't help you. Try to find a positive group, where there isn't a lot of propaganda or "Just Say No" sloganeering. There are fanatics in all areas, and sadly, some people use groups like this as THEIR drug.

As long as you keep your sensible perspective, you'll be OK and the group may well help. Also, private therapy will help. Having someone completely objective to talk to is very good for frustrating situations where there is nothing you can do to change someone elses behavior. The therapist may give you things to do to empower yourself even though you can't change your father. (And one of the most difficult things is realizing you CAN'T change an other person, no matter how hard you try.)

Most of my family is on drugs. It blows my mind how they can even do such a thing after my little brother died of a drug overdose 4 years ago.

I don't really think drug addiction runs in the family. I just can't see how it could be. If it did, I feel like I'd be on something right now, and I've always been opposed to drugs.

EVERY family has their own problems. I'd like to meet the 'perfect' family who doesn't!

I have someone very close to me who is in recovery from alcohol abuse. It's a very complicated issue, but as friends and family members, we just have to learn that it doesn't have anything to do with us.

That being said however, there ARE some things we can do to help our loved ones enter recovery and stay there once they start.

I tried Al-Anon, and found that it really did not help me. I wanted a program that would give me tools to deal with alcohol related issues, and Al-Anon was more of a support group. They don't really have any tools to offer, which was what I wanted.

So, I did an internet search and found SMART Recovery. They have a message board, online meetings, and face-to-face meetings in a lot of areas. While it is someone of a support group atmosphere, it's more oriented towards setting and reaching goals - for your loved one and yourself. They have an amazing program (including a forum on their message board & weekly voice meetings online) for "Friends & Family" of anyone with a substance abuse issue. They are science based and help people to develop the communication and life skills we all need to reach the goals we set for ourselves. Their approach doesn't come from the disease model of substance abuse, but rather the scientifically proven avenue of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. These techniques teach coping skills that are great for all of us, and are especially helpful at helping our loved ones cope with life's challenges by using better coping skills instead of substances.

It has seriously changed my life, and my loved one's life. I cannot say enough how wonderful it is, and what an enormous impact it has had on my life personally - I deal better with general life stress now than before, not just the alcohol abuse issues.

Anyway, I saw Al-Anon mentioned, and it does help some people. It did not help me, so I just wanted to mention what IS helping me, so you'll know there are plenty of options out there. Some people do both.

If you want more information, just do an internet search for SMART Recovery, or send me a message, I'll be happy to give you some links. (They have a GREAT book as part of their curriculum called Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading and Threatening.)

Best wishes! It sure isn't easy, but things worth doing rarely are!

I've never had a family member in jail before. I have a grandfather (who I've never spoken to) who is an alcoholic. And my sister is a chain smoker, but other than that, no one does any drugs (as far as I know).

haha im just glad for the private voting

I have family members on drugs, Tehey can do what they want

1. Yes, my father-in-law's brother has been on drugs since at least highschool. He is responsible for the deaths of three people (giving them bad drugs): both his wives and his father in law. He has three children, all of which were adopted by his parents. He is ruining all their lives.
2. Yes and no. He was not a drug baby, and yet, he has an extreme addiction. I think that drug babies are more likely to have problems in the future if the problem is not addressed by their caretakers.
3. No, I don't think all families have this problem.