Drugs and jail in the family (Tough family topic)

Drugs and jail in the family (Tough family topic)

Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
I know people may not want to answer this post, but I thought I'd post it to see who would be open to talk about it.

I have a family memeber hook on drugs.

It happends to be my father. It's been an on and off thing, drugs and jail, they go hand and hand. My father is an AMAZING man. The kindest person you will ever meet. Hes welcoming and loving to anyone. I feel blassed to have him in my life. He did have times when he wasn't on drugs. When he was clean, he was my horror movie partner, my fellow michael jackson fan, the one who would get me out of trouble, or talk my mom into letting me do something.. He was an amazing dad when he was right. Thinking about him makes me cry, I can't express how much I love him, and I'm grateful to him.

Growing up, I never talked about it, but as I got older it bothered me less, I learned that all families have problems, its just some are more open about them and some arent.

We just found out that my dad was born drug addicted... Both his parents were haroin addicts and both died young (mom was 26 and dad was in his mid 30's) both deaths were cause by drugs. My mom now found this out about 3 years ago (the being born drug addticted) She now thinks it was was GOING to happen because it runs in his family. He was bound to become a drug addict.

I can't say that I agree.

These are my questions.

1. Do you have a family memeber that is or was a drug addicts?
2. Do you think someone being drug addticted at birth has anything to do with their relstionship with drugs as they get older?
3. Do you think all families have problems?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I do have a family memeber on drugs.
15
I don't have a family memeber on drugs.
11
I really don't know if I have a family member on drugs.
3
I don't have a family member on drug, but I have a friend that is on drugs.
1
I do agree, being drug addicted at birth does affect your choices in drugs.
13
I don't agree, being drug addicted at birth does affect your choices in drugs
3
I don't know what I think about that.
12
I do agree all families have problems.
30
I don't agree all families have problems.
1
I've had a family member in jail
16
I've never had a family memeber in jail
8
Other (Please post below!)
4
Total votes: 117 (31 voters)
Poll is closed
04/14/2012
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Ansley Ansley
If your grandmother used while she was pregnant with your father he doesn't have the same "rewards" system that non-drug addled babies start life with. He is less resistant to avoiding impulsive decisions and it probably completely rewired his brain. If you aren't an addict, it can be a difficult thing to comprehend. "Just say no!", right? It doesn't work that way. As much as we all wish it would, it just doesn't.

I'm sorry that you're struggling with it. It's never easy to watch someone slowly kill themselves.
04/14/2012
Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
If your grandmother used while she was pregnant with your father he doesn't have the same "rewards" system that non-drug addled babies start life with. He is less resistant to avoiding impulsive decisions and it probably completely ...
Thats what I always thought growing up. Why don't you just STOP! How it be that hard. I do agree, I personally will never understand what he is going through... I didn't think that his mothers drug use could effect his life in such a BIG way.
04/14/2012
unfulfilled unfulfilled
I think all families have problems. I have an older 1st cousin that is in prison for using/dealing meth and was doing it around his young children.
04/14/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Anonymous
Thats what I always thought growing up. Why don't you just STOP! How it be that hard. I do agree, I personally will never understand what he is going through... I didn't think that his mothers drug use could effect his life in such a BIG way.
Addiction is quite possibly one of the hardest things to overcome. There are a ton of reasons, but it mostly boils down to coping skills. If you don't have a good support system, a real desire to get clean and a reason to stay clean even if the world crumbles around you, it's so easy to slip back into what you were doing before. Fear of success, fears of failure...they play into it, too.

In my opinion, blaming a drug addict for their addiction and backslides is like blaming a rape victim for wearing a short skirt that night.

I've seen grown men with more going for them than anyone else they've ever known fall into dark cycles of drug use. They destroyed their careers, their families and their financial resolve. We're talking one hit off a meth pipe and they started that slow descent into addict hell.

If you really want to understand, go to an Al-Anon meeting. It's for people who aren't addicted themselves but have friends or family who are. It's a faith-based program, but if you don't have a problem with that, it can really help you!
04/14/2012
Beck Beck
If he was born an addict that leaves his body craving things to be addicted to his whole life. I feel bad for him, you, and the rest of your family! Addiction is a hard thing to over come. Depending on what he is addicted to it is even harder. Drugs like Heroin, Meth, and Crack/Cocaine are hard to overcome and usually end up changing the person they are.

My uncle, well my step uncle, is addicted to Meth and Alcohol. He shot his sister in the neck when he was a preteen, which was an accident. She did survive, but my grandfather and my grandmother gave him HELL for the rest of his life about it. This has turned into a mental thing for him and he copes with it with alcohol. Well, one day drinking he came across someone with Meth. Soon after that he began cooking it and selling it. He got pulled over one night with a meth lab in his van. Then when out on bond, he did the same thing. He went away for 4.5 years. When he got out, he started old patterns. Hanging out with the same people, drinking everyday. Then started making Meth again. Only this time the meth put the people he loved in danger. It made him super paranoid. He held his girlfriend and new born baby captive by knife point. Until he passed out from being up for so long. He awoke to the police arresting him. He is now gone for at least 10 years.

If you knew my uncle before this, he was a really nice guy. However, drugs and prison changed him completely. He is not the same person at all anymore.
04/14/2012
Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Addiction is quite possibly one of the hardest things to overcome. There are a ton of reasons, but it mostly boils down to coping skills. If you don't have a good support system, a real desire to get clean and a reason to stay clean even if the ...
My dad had a good support system, he had his famliy and my mom who stuck by his side no matter what. I think maybe HE wasn't ready to get clean. I don't know what it's going to take for him to want to chage.

I have to admit, I blamed all drug addticts for their addction. I always felt it was a choice, because you know what drugs can do and you chose to do them anyway?? I felt it was selfish. I was mad at him for the longest, because I thought he was choosing this.. I thought, Why would someone what to get high and lose their family? Once I learned more about it, I learned that it was a force beyond his control. I know it's beyond his control, but I can't seem to get my mind and heart to agree.

But the anger that was there thinking he is choosing this over us, went into you don't love us enough to stop...Or at least TRY and get some help. It was like that anger never left.

Now thinking about it. I don't think I was as mad at him, as I was the drug. This drug was taking away the person we all know and love. There is nothing that hurts more in this world is to see someone ruin themselve right before your eyes, and no matter how hard you fight, cry, scream, and beg God. Nothing comes of it. The human body can only take but so much. Its like, how can you fight something that doesn't have a weakness? Does that make sense?

From where I'm standing it looks like there is no ending. So what is the point? why? why? why care when the person doesn't care about themself? Why care when your just the one repetedly hurt. I've seen my mom go through things no one should see their parent deal with. It was all at the hands of my fathers drug problem.

I don't think their are words in the english dictionary that could express the feelings that I feel... I have more questions then answers..

HAHAHAHA,

I think, I'm going to look into those meetings. I didn't know they had anything like that for people who were not having that problem..

I'm sorry for the little rant up there....
04/14/2012
wrmbreze wrmbreze
This sounds almost like my father, although I don't know if he was born that way or not. I love my daddy, but I don't see him like I used to anymore. I am honestly waiting for the day that someone tells me either he died or somebody killed him. I wouldn't even hate it if he went to jail for something, at least then I would know where he was and that he had a roof and 3 meals a day.
04/14/2012
Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
If he was born an addict that leaves his body craving things to be addicted to his whole life. I feel bad for him, you, and the rest of your family! Addiction is a hard thing to over come. Depending on what he is addicted to it is even harder. ...
Thank you so much Beck.

Well, I'm glad your anut lived. You would think the parents would have acted different. I mean, I know they were going to be mad, but he was a child. That just fed into his problem.

You know, sometimes when my mom calls me and tells me your dads in jail, or when I was a kid and he was there. I was actually happy. I slept better at night. It wasn't because I didn't want him around, but because in jail I know he is not on drugs. I know in jail, he is eating and has a place to sleep. My mind was at rest.

Sometimes I think Jail is the best place for him to be...

It's sad how fast drugs can chage a person.

Did your uncle get incontact with his child and her/his mom to say he was worry?
04/14/2012
Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Anonymous
Thank you so much Beck.

Well, I'm glad your anut lived. You would think the parents would have acted different. I mean, I know they were going to be mad, but he was a child. That just fed into his problem.

You know, sometimes when ...
My uncle says the same thing sadly. When he was out for the short time he was he had commented to my hubby and I that prison made his life easier. He didn't use much inside, because he couldn't get his hands on as many drugs. I haven't had any contact with my uncle since he went off to prison. And the last I knew he wasn't in contact with anyone. His child is only 2 now, so he doesn't have much to say to his father. The last I was told, the mother of the child was trying to keep him away from the children. She is an addict herself, who has been trying to keep clean. When my uncle is in the picture, she can't stop thinking about the Crack pipe. She has 7 children to worry about and 3 of them were born addicted as well. She is lucky she has a family who cares for them and her. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been able to stop using and start to over come her addiction.
04/14/2012
Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by wrmbreze
This sounds almost like my father, although I don't know if he was born that way or not. I love my daddy, but I don't see him like I used to anymore. I am honestly waiting for the day that someone tells me either he died or somebody killed ...
You just read my mind!

I just said that about the jail. When he's there I know he is not doing drugs and he has a plce to sleep and food.

I've told my mom that I've already started to prepair myself for that call. The call saying he's gone... NO CHILD SHOULD THINK THAT WAY!
It hurts to see such good people go to waste...

I'm sure you feel this way, but the feeling of being robbed. That's how I feel. Robbed of having a father and all the happiness that comes with it.

I worry he's not gonna be around for my children. I feel like my future children are being robbed because they may never get to know the only man besides by boyfriend that I would happily give my life for. They will never meet the man I loved....

It's a sad, sad thing.

After sometime you just become numb...
04/14/2012
Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
My uncle says the same thing sadly. When he was out for the short time he was he had commented to my hubby and I that prison made his life easier. He didn't use much inside, because he couldn't get his hands on as many drugs. I haven't ...
Maybe some people were just maid for jail... At least that's how I feel about it. haha

It's good that this happened when he was a baby so he doesn't remember the bad that happened with dad. You don't want to leave your child with nothing but bad thoughts of you.

drugs addicts feed off of eachother. That relationship wouldn't work. It would be extremely hard. They WILL fall back into old habbits. I'm glad to hear that she is now getting better. That is the best thing in the world. Does she have all seven of her children?
04/14/2012
wrmbreze wrmbreze
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Anonymous
You just read my mind!

I just said that about the jail. When he's there I know he is not doing drugs and he has a plce to sleep and food.

I've told my mom that I've already started to prepair myself for that call. The call ...
My kids don't really know him because he wasn't around much when I had them. They know who he is but I don't think they care like I do.

He was a great dad( because my mommy kept him in line) He worked, I am sure because she expected him to. He was the fun parent and I remember the day fishing trips that we used to take, or spend the day at the lake. I loved that time we spent together, I just wish my kids had spent time with him.

My brother is on drugs/alcohol too. My kids have at least spent time with him and I know they love him.

On the plus side, I have told them that both are on drugs/alcohol so they know exactly what it does to you. I occasionally drink bu thave never had any inclinations to do drugs. One thing that I find really crazy is that when I was younger my dad and brother threatened to beat me if they ever heard of me doing drugs.

Nessa, I am sure you and I aren't as numb as we would like to be. I know when he dies I will cry my heart out, but in the mean time I will guard it from more hurt.
04/14/2012
Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Anonymous
Maybe some people were just maid for jail... At least that's how I feel about it. haha

It's good that this happened when he was a baby so he doesn't remember the bad that happened with dad. You don't want to leave your child ...
She lives with them, but her parents are the legal guardians, because she is addict. That is what happens with their relationship. It was unhealthy for both of them.

I agree, some people are just best off in a jail setting. I know a few of those. I have meet some strange people in my life through associations. And many of them are people who are in and out of jail. I know a guy who did things to get caught in order to go back. Sometimes people can't handle having to make choices for themselves.

I hope your father decides to change one day. And everything works out well for your family.
04/14/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
I'm sorry you are going through this, Miss Nessa.

I don't know if being born addicted will cause someone to crave drugs all their life. The jury is still out on it, and the research supports both sides of the issue. Many people whose mothers were "on drugs" when they were born are fine and healthy. We know now the entire "crack baby" propaganda was to demonize unmarried African American women and take their babies away. There is so much propaganda in the antidrug community that getting the truth is difficult.

However, there is research that being the child of an addict or of two addict raises one's chance of becoming dependent on drugs later in life.

IMO, people who have problems with things like heroin should be given enough heroin each day to keep them comfortable and allow their neurotransmitters to function well. Make the stuff legal, instead of blaming people who are dependent on a drug, and allow access to it so that those whose neuro make up may well NEED mind altering substances to function normally.

The problem is when people "get high" rather than take more than they need to function. It is difficult to control.

I hope your Daddy can heal. Can he get into a Methadone program? That keeps the neurotransmitters filled with Methadone so they don't crave getting high.

If he is using an other drug than heroin (or any other opiate) then I doubt being born "addicted" to heroin has anything to do with wanting to use coke or meth or crack. But, being a child of someone who needs drugs to function may well genetically cause that person to need some drug to function on their own.

My thoughts are with you and your family.
04/14/2012
Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
Quote:
Originally posted by wrmbreze
My kids don't really know him because he wasn't around much when I had them. They know who he is but I don't think they care like I do.

He was a great dad( because my mommy kept him in line) He worked, I am sure because she ...
Thats kinda sad that your childrent don't know him..

Those moments fishing with your dad are the moments you never let go.
So it would be harder on them if something happended to your brother. Both are sad situations.

My parents were the same way about drugs and telling me not to do them. I've never done any drugs, not even tried a cigarettes. I just had my first drink when I was 22 (currently still 22) years old. I never tried it because I was scared that I was going to like it and become hooked.

I didn't.

I drink once in a blue moon.

Your last statement, I agree with you a million times over.
04/14/2012
Terri69 Terri69
Thank goodness, my niece is clean now and has been for almost 5 years!!!!
04/14/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Alanon may help. Just keep your perspective. Take what you need from the meetings and leave the rest. Some chapters are really helpful, some are full of angry, whining people who complain and complain and these conditions won't help you. Try to find a positive group, where there isn't a lot of propaganda or "Just Say No" sloganeering. There are fanatics in all areas, and sadly, some people use groups like this as THEIR drug.

As long as you keep your sensible perspective, you'll be OK and the group may well help. Also, private therapy will help. Having someone completely objective to talk to is very good for frustrating situations where there is nothing you can do to change someone elses behavior. The therapist may give you things to do to empower yourself even though you can't change your father. (And one of the most difficult things is realizing you CAN'T change an other person, no matter how hard you try.)
04/14/2012
powerandintent powerandintent
Most of my family is on drugs. It blows my mind how they can even do such a thing after my little brother died of a drug overdose 4 years ago.

I don't really think drug addiction runs in the family. I just can't see how it could be. If it did, I feel like I'd be on something right now, and I've always been opposed to drugs.

EVERY family has their own problems. I'd like to meet the 'perfect' family who doesn't!
04/14/2012
indiglo indiglo
I have someone very close to me who is in recovery from alcohol abuse. It's a very complicated issue, but as friends and family members, we just have to learn that it doesn't have anything to do with us.

That being said however, there ARE some things we can do to help our loved ones enter recovery and stay there once they start.

I tried Al-Anon, and found that it really did not help me. I wanted a program that would give me tools to deal with alcohol related issues, and Al-Anon was more of a support group. They don't really have any tools to offer, which was what I wanted.

So, I did an internet search and found SMART Recovery. They have a message board, online meetings, and face-to-face meetings in a lot of areas. While it is someone of a support group atmosphere, it's more oriented towards setting and reaching goals - for your loved one and yourself. They have an amazing program (including a forum on their message board & weekly voice meetings online) for "Friends & Family" of anyone with a substance abuse issue. They are science based and help people to develop the communication and life skills we all need to reach the goals we set for ourselves. Their approach doesn't come from the disease model of substance abuse, but rather the scientifically proven avenue of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. These techniques teach coping skills that are great for all of us, and are especially helpful at helping our loved ones cope with life's challenges by using better coping skills instead of substances.

It has seriously changed my life, and my loved one's life. I cannot say enough how wonderful it is, and what an enormous impact it has had on my life personally - I deal better with general life stress now than before, not just the alcohol abuse issues.

Anyway, I saw Al-Anon mentioned, and it does help some people. It did not help me, so I just wanted to mention what IS helping me, so you'll know there are plenty of options out there. Some people do both.

If you want more information, just do an internet search for SMART Recovery, or send me a message, I'll be happy to give you some links. (They have a GREAT book as part of their curriculum called Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading and Threatening.)

Best wishes! It sure isn't easy, but things worth doing rarely are!
04/14/2012
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Alanon may help. Just keep your perspective. Take what you need from the meetings and leave the rest. Some chapters are really helpful, some are full of angry, whining people who complain and complain and these conditions won't help you. Try to ...
That was my experience with Al-Anon. Just a bunch of people bitching and complaining. I wanted to learn things that I could actually DO to help. Not just complain and compare war stories.

That's why I love SMART Recovery so much. Their program actually teaches GREAT tools that make living life better for everyone, not just those with substance abuse issues.

I agree too that individual therapy may be a good avenue to help cope as well.
04/14/2012
MissCandyland MissCandyland
I've never had a family member in jail before. I have a grandfather (who I've never spoken to) who is an alcoholic. And my sister is a chain smoker, but other than that, no one does any drugs (as far as I know).
04/14/2012
Lady Bear Lady Bear
haha im just glad for the private voting
04/14/2012
spineyogurt spineyogurt
I have family members on drugs, Tehey can do what they want
04/14/2012
Ghost Ghost
1. Yes, my father-in-law's brother has been on drugs since at least highschool. He is responsible for the deaths of three people (giving them bad drugs): both his wives and his father in law. He has three children, all of which were adopted by his parents. He is ruining all their lives.
2. Yes and no. He was not a drug baby, and yet, he has an extreme addiction. I think that drug babies are more likely to have problems in the future if the problem is not addressed by their caretakers.
3. No, I don't think all families have this problem.
04/15/2012
VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
No hard drugs, but several very close family members have been alcoholics. It was tough, but at the same time, they were good people. Two of them quit (I am so proud of them), and one of them quit -- and then committed suicide, because he couldn't handle life without alcohol. That was really tough on me as a kid.

I can't think of any family members who have been in jail, though. I don't think there have been, if so they weren't close family members.
05/14/2012
richsam richsam
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Anonymous
I know people may not want to answer this post, but I thought I'd post it to see who would be open to talk about it.

I have a family memeber hook on drugs.

It happends to be my father. It's been an on and off thing, drugs and ...
i think all big familys got someone with a problem..i have ppl in family on drugs and in jail
05/17/2012
Total posts: 27
Unique posters: 15