Elderly parents... How did you handle it?

Contributor: js250 js250
Related to: 
I have been caring for my terminally ill father. He has finally hit the point where I do not honestly think I am capable of caring for him any more. How do I have the 'talk' with him about needing more help than I can give him? I wish I could handle it, but physically and emotionally it is almost impossible.
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
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Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Baby, I feel for you.

My mother is 41 and if my father were still alive he would be 78.
I have always lived with my grandparents and great parents.
When I was about 12.. We took in my great-grandmother.

She was stage four pancreatic cancer. She didn't tell anyone until treatment was too risky and too far gone unfortunately.

When she finally moved in with us because we begged her to, she didn't want help. She wanted to be on her own, doing her gardening and being the lady she was brought up to be.

In the end.. She asked us to just put her in the hospice.
It broke her heart and ours but we knew it was the right thing to do.
She fought a good fight and I'm sure your father is fighting the good fight. She actually died a day later after we moved her into the hospice. She wasn't alone. She was being taken care of and we knew in our heart that it was the best we could do for her. It is life.

If you need more help and if finances allow, maybe think about getting a nurse to help out when you just can't take the responsibility anymore. It is alright to feel overwhelmed. It is a hard thing, believe me. I know.

Do not feel guilty that you can't handle it physically or emotionally anymore. You have done your best and you know that in your heart, you have.

If you didn't.. you wouldn't be asking this question.

I would recommend just sitting with him in normal conversation and bringing up the idea of possibly getting a part-time nurse or be put in a better home where he can get the care he needs. It isn't unreasonable to ask when you just can't possibly do everything even though you wish you could.

I wish you the best, I really do. I know you can get through this. You are strong and you know it.

Contributor: js250 js250
Thank you. That is a great idea about getting a nurse in part time. I will talk to him about that. It helps knowing I am not alone, others have had to deal with this and have more experience and some great advice.
Contributor: Beck Beck
I am going to be in your position here soon enough. My MIL is going to be living with us here shortly, she is worried about being alone after what happened to her last time. It is for the best, however I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old to care for too, so it is going to be hard on me as well.

I suggest checking with the insurance of your father and figuring out if you can get a Nurse's Aid. They are usually cheaper than an Actual Nurse. They are trained in CPR and many other things. Depending on the insurance it might be completely covered. We found out that my MIL can have one at all times completely free of charge to her. You will want to make sure the company does background checks and everything before allowing a person into your home. I also advise that all medications you still keep track of, especially if there are ones that will sell on the streets. I have a friend whose Aid stole all of her pain medicine and many other drugs, because she was an addict, so do still watch. However having someone else do some of the work will leave you of some stress.

Good luck to you honey.
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
My mother-in-law is having this issue right now with her mom. Can you get a nurse to come in a few days a week to help you out?