Friends?

Friends?

MissStormRyder MissStormRyder
Do any of you make a lot more money than the people in your close circle of friends?...I mean like "A LOT" more money...
I happen to paid 2-3 times what probably 95% of my friends do and it seems like when we go out to eat or hit the clubs they just kind of expect me to pick up the tab...I don't mind paying for them but it would be nice if they made an offer to help pay the bill or just leave the tip...something!!!
I know things are hard for people these days and I am really lucky, blessed or whatever to have a good job and to be making the kind of money I do but I would feel bad if I treated a friend like this regardless of how much money they made.
Anyone else in this type of situation with friends or family? Should I even say anything to them just to let them know I feel like I'm being taken advantage of in a way?
Like I said I really don't mind paying for them but all the time and not even an offer to help out with the bill...
Maybe I'm just too nice?? Or a pushover??
10/11/2011
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Lucky21 Lucky21
Quote:
Originally posted by MissStormRyder
Do any of you make a lot more money than the people in your close circle of friends?...I mean like "A LOT" more money...
I happen to paid 2-3 times what probably 95% of my friends do and it seems like when we go out to eat or hit the ...
There are some people that I make a lot more money than, but really, I don't make that much, I just know some people who are pretty hard up. But I've been in this situation, and frankly, I lay down the law. You have to say something.
10/11/2011
MissStormRyder MissStormRyder
Quote:
Originally posted by Lucky21
There are some people that I make a lot more money than, but really, I don't make that much, I just know some people who are pretty hard up. But I've been in this situation, and frankly, I lay down the law. You have to say something.
Yeah....I guess I'll have to
I just don't want to piss everyone off....you know how women can be!!!
10/11/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
I used to have a good mix of both - friends that made about the same as me and friends that made way less. As the years went by, I found that the friendships with those that made way less faded. We just ended up with less in common. I wanted to go to swanky clubs, they wanted to go for $2 beers. I send my kid to one of the best private schools in the state, they argue that the public school system (ranked in the lowest five in the country) offers a great education. I live in one of the nicer areas, they argue with me that they're fine living next to a crack dealer. I'm not comfortable bringing my kid in the area they live, they call me a snob.

I never had an issues with who picked up tabs, partially because they knew I'd do it if I had the money. Meaning, if I didn't offer don't ask. My bills are probably in proportion to theirs. Yes, I make more, but I also have a mortgage, two car notes, private school for my son, healthier foods for him, office expenses, etc. They have cheap rent and lots of credit cards. In the end, I probably ended up with a bit more discretionary income some months but about the same others (I work on commission). Our income allows us to afford better things for our family, not for our friends.

If they were expecting me to pick up the tab every time, I'd say something. I'm really blunt and honest though and that's just how I go about things. I'd probably say "just 'cause I make more doesn't mean I need to pay for you" and however it went over it went over. Doing stuff like that doesn't work for most people. Maybe something like that, but a lot more gently.
10/11/2011
MissStormRyder MissStormRyder
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I used to have a good mix of both - friends that made about the same as me and friends that made way less. As the years went by, I found that the friendships with those that made way less faded. We just ended up with less in common. I wanted to go ...
I can see a divide...or maybe it's a rift begining to develope between some of my friends and me...I do see what you mean...I do tend to go to more upscale places...places they really can't afford at times and like you said they don't realize I have a mortgage and two car payments...etc.etc.
It's kind of sad to see this happening..I think thats why I haven't brought up anything about this issue yet...I always try to be the easy going fun girl and make everything right for everyone...Oh I suck confrontation!!! GRRrrrrrrrrrrr!
10/11/2011
Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by MissStormRyder
Do any of you make a lot more money than the people in your close circle of friends?...I mean like "A LOT" more money...
I happen to paid 2-3 times what probably 95% of my friends do and it seems like when we go out to eat or hit the ...
I have this issue, and it gets pretty bad. To the point where the day before rent is due some of my friends will text me asking to borrow $200 or whatever the rent is, on a fairly regular basis between all of them.

The thing is, I am 23. I work a full time job. I earn enough to pay all of my bills, which includes car payments on one car that isn't paid off, insurance for 4, health/dental insurances, and such. I don't have to tell everyone how much that sort of thing costs, but we need it.

Because I earn enough to pay those types of bills plus my boyfriend doesn't have to work (which he is not) if he doesn't want to, and we have the option of going out to dinner or on vacations often, they assume that I have money to just give.

I worked hard to get the job I have, which I can't stand. I work typically 50 hours on a GOOD week, more on any given week. I work with a manager I can't stand, who tries to make my life hell, and happens to be my ex mother-in-law. So, on top of that, the job itself is mentally draining and physically exhausting. It's in the medical field so I don't have room for errors.

I work very hard to make the money I do and although I enjoy treating my friends to things when I can or sharing the extra money we have once in a while, or helping someone out on occasion, I am not a loan department!!!
10/12/2011
Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Alan & I have always bounced back and forth on both sides of this fence and it's always been a sticky situation from either side. On the well-off side, I never minded helping out friends or paying the tabs because it was usually our idea to go out (or lend them some cash) in the first place. But when a few of them started acting like they expected us to do that all the time, it was a different story. They didn't feel as much like friends any more as they did leeches.

On the poor side, I always felt that if any of our friends were too snobbish to accompany us in places that we could afford, or come for dinner/drinks at our home, they weren't any better. That felt like they were more interested in their high opinions of themselves and their statuses than being friends.
10/12/2011
hjtee hjtee
I have the same problem. I end up paying for wayyyyy to much. I can't even count how many people I've helped out and paid for. I make it a rule now not to pay for anything for anyone.
10/12/2011
darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
My friends all are probably making about as much as me. We never pick up the tab for anyone else when we go out, and no one does it for us. We do have one friend who was doing pretty badly for a while, but he declined offers for lunch or dinner.
10/13/2011
LilLostLenore LilLostLenore
Tell them to pay for their own shit.
01/03/2012
shcoo shcoo
I used to be able to pay for friends' dinners, but things have gotten tougher for me. Thankfully they've all been understanding and usually pay for their portion without talking about it. They seem grateful for the times I payed in the past, instead of expecting it to be routine.

I say speak up and insist everyone pay for their share, especially if it's not even a special occasion or something and just hanging out.
01/03/2012
Highmaintenancegirl916 Highmaintenancegirl916
Say something,its your money you earned it.its one thing if you offer 2 pay but its another when they dont offer at all 2 help.
01/03/2012
Chirple Chirple
I can be in both positions.

I think you're being too nice. Even when the person makes 10x what I do, I at least offer to pay or at least help.

On the other hand, I've paid for things for others, but it's never been "expected". It's something we talked about before hand like, "I wanna go to X place" - "I can't afford it, sorry" - "It's okay, I'll pay for it", or just random annoying acts (regardless of incomes) of kindness or whatever.
01/03/2012
eeep eeep
Honestly, if they aren't even offering to leave the tip they are taking advantage of your generosity.
I am a single mother college student (aka very poor), and my friends know and understand this and often try to pay and leave the tip and all. No matter how little money I have at the time, I am not going to let someone I care about buy me a meal if I can't even get the tip. It just seems inconsiderate to them and makes me feel like I need to make it up to them (more than I already do). It upsets the balance of power within a friendship and can make things too uneven.
If they make it up to you in other ways it is a bit different (I often babysit for friends or help them with spring cleaning and such to give back somehow). Honestly, if they get mad about it, they are ungrateful. A good friend would understand why it upsets you, and try to find a way to make the situation work for both of you.
01/03/2012
K101 K101
Honestly, I would think the best option is to STOP going out like this instead of risking your friendship. You guys don't HAVE to go out to eat do you? Just have them over. If you're tired of paying the bill don't go. Ask them over and cook for them... unless you don't want to pay for it. Come up with other plans of hanging out. You could all have a get together at home and just bring it up, make plans and say "hey, if you cook dessert, I'll do the hamburgers." or whatever. We have a lot of parties at my house and that's kind of how it goes. For a long time, everybody expected us to do ALL the cooking, buying and everything and finally we called ahead and asked each of them to do something. I usually say "I have to work and only have time for making the dessert, can you buy the drinks?" Of course you have some people that bring a can of damn corn and green beans at your christmas party, but hey. It usually works out.

Maybe it's just me, but I have this "if you can't say it or do it 100% nicely then you shouldn't do it at all. Of course that doesn't mean there aren't times to let someone have it or stand up for yourself, but it seems there are plenty of other options you can try before hurting feelings. They truly may not realize that it upsets you so badly. It does depend though... are you the one making the plans and asking everyone to go out each time? If so, that is probably one main reason they expect you to pick up the bill. If they are the ones making the plans to go out, simply say "I just don't have the extra cash this week, I'm saving for something or catching up on bills."

If your friends do this to you all the time, any time you go someplace and seem to carelessy take and need and want then I'd be pissed. We have a friend of the fam who my sister kind of brought into our family years ago and she's... well... a serious damn bum! She comes in the house and will take anything and everything from the entire can of coffee to every Dr. Pepper in the house or cleaning supplies. Once she saw some gardening supplies and said "I've always wanted a garden.." she took everything we had to make her damn self a garden. Then decided it was time for a new washer and dryer so she chunked hers and went to the church and before the month was over with, she had herself one hell of a nice washer and dryer. Her husband makes really good $ too! That is a user. If that's how your friends are treating you, I wouldn't say anything to them about helping out, I'd get rid of them before they suck the life out of you... and your wallet. I guess it's hard to really say unless you know the person. Only you know them. I hope everything does turn out for the best though.
01/03/2012
Total posts: 15
Unique posters: 13