Helpful topic info on Funny Dildo:

T-Shirts with Funny/Witty Sayings
I really enjoy funny t-shirts, but the print always seems to end up on my boobs! What do you think of witty t-shirts? A fan, or opposed to clothing?

Sex Toy Funny Mis-haps
I've had my share of 'whoopsies' in the world of sex toys (and sex, for that matter), with the latest of which being my rabbit eating part of my...

There are some funny comedy's out there now...do you agree?
We went and saw Grownup's 2, Were the Millers and The Heat, and laughed our butts off. Mindless popcorn movies, to be sure, but still funnier then...

funny words
post a word or words that you think are or sound funny to you. I think Weasel Pooter. is hella funny.

Funny Sex Stories
Do you have any funny or unusual sex stories that happened to you while in the throws of passion that you would like to share with the community?

There are few things funnier on this planet when you hear a 3 year old lay into someone with all the curse words you hoped they didn't hear and they're using them correctly too! In other words, a 3-5 year old calling someone an mf'er when they deserve it.

Priceless!

Being called "Mama!" by a male friend's two-year-old. The friend kept correcting his son, but telling a two-year-old a Fact is pointless.

Once while I was working at a thrift store a father and son came up to the register to purchase something. I rang up their order while the ten-year-old was staring at my breasts the whole time. After I told them to have a good day, they left the counter and I overheard the boy say, "Dad, her tits are huge!" The father chuckled and nodded in reply, but said nothing.

So, here's another one.

#1 comes home from school and in Kindergarten (as in my daughter is FIVE (5)), I guess they don't get homework, so I have "study" time where she practices reading and writing. She's sounding out words and she says to me:

#1) Ugh, MOOOOOOOOOM! This is too hard! I don't even WANT to go to college!
ME) Can we get you to the first grade?
#1) *sigh*

Oh lawd I have a bunch of these lmao having children is a joy.

As far as cussing goes yeah they a mess. My 6yr old was on a field trip and pointing into the sky screaming all excited "look at that bastard fly!" They were pointing to a buzzard but the hubby called them flying bastards one too many times lol

Shopping at Lowes one time my hubby and the two boys were waiting in line when hubby was picking on my butt literally and my son jumped in on the defensive "at least mom don't buy extra quadruple large pink lace underwear like you wear!" lol the lady at the counter dropped a can of paint. It was so funny.

In a group of 7 boys ranging in ages of 4 - 11 they were laughing and teasing with things like "when you get old you are going to have hair growing out your nose!" well the 11yr old, god love him, mumbles "when you get older you'll have hair start growing in places you can't imagine." I had lemonade coming out my nose and it's a good thing too cuz his comment was lost as all the other's laughed at me coughing up lemonade.

Joys of parenting lol

Today, cleaning up the crayons:

ME) Hey #2, let's pick this up, I'll hold the box and you pick up the crayons.
#2) No, Mommy, YOU pick up the crayons and I hold the box.

FacePalm

Oh my...

1. Older daughter says...Mommy, Daddy...we need to talk.
Me: Why baby?
Her: You and Daddy need to get remarried.
Me: I love Daddy, why would I get remarried.
Her: I mean to him.
Me: Huh?
Her: I want a baby brother.
Me: We are married.
Her: Uncle and Auntie got married and are having a baby, Godmama got married and is having a baby, you and daddy got married and had me, then got married and had HER (points to sister) I want a BROTHER!

She knows we got married after I was preggo with her and then had another baby...I guess she figures we were married when I got pregnant with her.

2. Last night:
Youngest: Did you know pilgrims came over on the Mayflower?
J: No...wow...what is the Mayflower?
Her: A big boat.
Older daughter: Nu-uh...the Mayflower is a TRUCK stupid!
Me and J: LAUGHTER

She was referring to the Mayflower moving trucks!

While driving with a friend and her daughter, the friend had to break suddenly and lean on her horn. Before she could open her mouth to cuss out the driver, the 1.5 year old in the carseat in the back yelled out "SUMMUMABITCH!!!"

I was laughing too hard for my friend to make up an excuse.

Conversation between a dad and five year old I know (not mine, so the names have been left out):

He read her a story and told her it was time for bed.
5 yr old: “Daddy, now can I read you the story?”
Dad: “No kiddo, not tonight. You got one story; you can read me a story tomorrow night, OK?”
5 yr old: “OK. Can you stay with me? Do you want to have a sleepover?”
Dad: “Not tonight, kiddo. Maybe some other night, like this weekend, OK?”
5 yr old: “You loser. I’m going to cut your head off.”

#1) I want a snaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccc cccckkkkkkkkkkk!
ME) OK... (go to fridge, pull out a DelMonte(??) freezers popsicle frozen applesauce thing)
#1) (15 minutes later) Can I have a healthy snack now?
ME) That was a healthy snack.
#1) (look of shock) Can I have some candy now?

My little brother pointing at my first boyfriend (who I'd brought home for the first time): Mommy, why is he wearing a dress?
My Mom: Because your sister likes girlie boys.

My daughter was about 2.5 yrs old when this took place:

Kid, from the backseat for no clear reason: "Oh my god! Fuck!"
Mom, using first AND middle name: You know better than to say that!"
Kid: I'm sorry mommy—"Oh my gosh... fuck."

At that point her dad and I lost the battle with an overwhelming fit of giggles and realized we would win never win any parenting awards.

I work with high functioning Autistic kids so I have TONS of these! One of the most recent was during our Halloween party. I was dressed up as Punky Brewster. I had 2 different colored converse on which one kid thought was the coolest thing ever. He looks at me and asks "Tonya, can I wear two different colored Converse on Halloween?" I say "Well, what is it you are going to be?" Student replies "I was thinking I could be a homo....they would wear different colored shoes...right?" Me....with horror "WHAT?? Why do you say that???" Student....confused "Well, because they are poor...sleep on benches....their clothes don't always match....right?" Me...a little relieved, "OHHHH you mean a HOBO!!"

My nephew used to be in love with Monster trucks. We would ask him tons of questions about them. Of course when he said monster truck it came out motherfuck.

My son from the back seat : oh damn
Me: Sweetheart you dont say damn say "Oh darn"
Son: No mom thats a bad word. Oh Damn.
Me: No babe, Damn is bad Darn is good. Say Oh darn.
Son: No. Oh fuck.
Me: Hun, OH darn Not Oh fuck.
Son: Mom stop sayin bad words.
Me: I'm not saying bad words Lucas.
Son: Ohhhhhhh DAAAAAARN!

My friend and I were babysitting her 3 year old niece, and the little girl was being a brat. My friend says, "You're annoying me." Thinking she was talking to me, I said, "Who, me?" Her niece shakes her head, points to herself, and goes, "No, ME!" Though it's true that she was being annoying, I couldn't help but giggle and give her a hug. The way she said it was the cutest thing.