If you don't have kids, how do you think you'd discipline them?

I was raised by my grandparents, if I disrespected them, did something I knew I wasn't supposed to do, or otherwise needed to be disciplined I got spanked. So many people I talk to are like religiously against spanking a child.

How do you disciple? [private voting] less

We do a combination of things with our daughter.

1st, we set her up not to fail. She's 1.5, there's certain things she's just not going to listen to (like, don't pull my tampons out from under the sink). Instead of leaving them in a place she can get to and having to punish her for something she really can't seem to help i just put them in a place she can't even get to.

Then if she does do something i get down on her level, explain to her how it is wrong, and then we follow with a consequence.

Sometimes that is a time out, sometimes it's taking a toy away, saying sorry, whatever the case may be.

I believe in treating children like PEOPLE and with respect. I would never hit another adult so why would i hit my child? Hitting just teaches them that if you're bigger or stronger you're better. Or it teaches them to not get caught, but it doesn't actually correct the behavior. And being hit/spanked is confusing for a child. Here is someone that is supposed to love them unconditionally and then they are hurting them and causing them pain. That is very confusing in a young child's life.

SO no, we do not spank and i plan on not doing that. Yes, i will probably slip up as this was the way i was raised but i want things to be better for my child, so no, no spanking. less

If you don't have kids, how do you think you'd discipline them?

I was raised by my grandparents, if I disrespected them, did something I knew I wasn't supposed to do, or otherwise needed to be disciplined I got spanked. So many people I talk to are like religiously against spanking a child.

How do you disciple? [private voting] less

I am not against spanking by any means.

I think that this is going to definitely depend on 1. Their actions and 2. Their age.

I fully believe that you shouldn't spank a child that is of a younger age. They just don't know any better, and if they do, they are testing boundaries. That is when, as adults, we have to let them know what those boundaries are.

However, there was once that I spanked my 2 year old. He ran out the house door and right to our busy road. I ran after him, but had a baby in my arms too, so that made things a little difficult. When I finally reached him, right next to the cars zipping past, I spanked his butt a good couple of times and yelled "NO! OWIES!" and led him back inside. Mind you, he never did it again because he definitely remembered that butt whoopin' BUT I did it because 1. He scared the bejesus out of me and I acted out of impulse. 2. That was something that was VERY dangerous to do and I wanted to imprint in his mind that that was NOT acceptable.

Other than that, I have spanked my children quite a few times between the ages of 5 and 8. However, they are older now, and I don't do that anymore. They realize the "hurt" of getting their electronics taken away, time with friends taken away and other punishments. They realllllly don't like doing the "dirty chores" either, so that is always a plus, because neither do I LOL!

I believe that a firm "plan" is what you need with kids. Consistency is HUGE. If they know what their consequence will be.....every time....More than likely, they will refrain from doing something.

I agree with the first comment about how you shouldn't set your kids up to fail. That is a very good thing to do. What she said about follow through is good too. But I don't think that calmly getting down to my 2 year olds level would have stopped him from darting into the road of passing cars again. So, its the situation and age.

What I do now is, I will send them to their room (because usually I am not "calm enough" to talk to them or discipline them). After about 15 minutes, Ill tell them to come out. I will ask them if they know why they are being punished. Then, when they have a full understanding of what they did was wrong, I ask them what they SHOULD have done in that situation, rather than what they DID do. Then, I assign punishments.

The only time that I spanked my kids is when they were doing something that was VERY dangerous or reaching for hot things, trying to tip a pan off the stove (while it was on...yeah, one of them tried that before, I about had a stroke). Stuff like that. It was more of an impulse thing because I wanted to get it into their head that "NO!OUCH!" or something of that nature. I found too that when I did that, it scared them because I was so loud and swift with my words, then followed by a spankin' that they were more scared than "physically hurt" by the spankin'. But they remembered what happened and they never did it again.

I tried telling my daughter over and over and over again "NO, that is hot, we don't touch!" with my curling iron. One day she walked right into my bathroom, with me standing there, and wrapped her hand around it......Yup, she got a good burn, and scared the crap out of me, but I guess that was one of those things she just had to learn for herself. Had I spanked her every time she went towards it, maybe she wouldn't have went after it. Needless to say, the "talking to her" thing didn't work.

Ahhh I have stories upon stories, but you're probably sick of reading this so Ill shut up now LMAO.........

PS...I think rebelling and disobeying our parents/grandparents is all apart of growing up. Testing boundaries is what kids do. Thing is, its the parents job to make sure that we draw that line and stand our ground. CONSISTENCY is key and so is communication. less

We do a combination of things with our daughter.

1st, we set her up not to fail. She's 1.5, there's certain things she's just not going to listen to (like, don't pull my tampons out from under the sink). Instead of leaving them in a place she can get to and having to punish her for something she really can't seem to help i just put them in a place she can't even get to.

Then if she does do something i get down on her level, explain to her how it is wrong, and then we follow with a consequence.

Sometimes that is a time out, sometimes it's taking a toy away, saying sorry, whatever the case may be.

I believe in treating children like PEOPLE and with respect. I would never hit another adult so why would i hit my child? Hitting just teaches them that if you're bigger or stronger you're better. Or it teaches them to not get caught, but it doesn't actually correct the behavior. And being hit/spanked is confusing for a child. Here is someone that is supposed to love them unconditionally and then they are hurting them and causing them pain. That is very confusing in a young child's life.

SO no, we do not spank and i plan on not doing that. Yes, i will probably slip up as this was the way i was raised but i want things to be better for my child, so no, no spanking. less

***I just realized I spelled discipline wrong the last time. lol disciple is supposed to be discipline. =)***



I love all the different responses. It's funny to see the different sides. I don't believe in "beating your child" but I do believe in spanking in certain circumstances. I was spanked as a child, and I never thought that it was bigger people allowed to beat smaller people. I believed it was my grandparents punishing me for being bad.

I also disagree that spanking is "lazy parenting". Not all children respond to talking (I was sometimes one of them). My grandparents were anything BUT lazy parents and I am trying to not take offense to that statement.

Cmex84, I pretty much agree with you about ages and techniques. I raised my 2 nephews before I was even a teenager. They got spanked maybe 3-4 times each for various reasons like trying to put tweezers in the outlets, turning on the stove before I was up in the mornings, things like that. They are now 2 of the best behaved kids. They use sir and ma'am, don't argue with authority, etc. Their teachers LOVE me because most of the other kids in their classes are very rude, disrespectful children.

What I see more often then not, is parents afraid to discipline their kids in any way because they don't want their kids to hate them. This turns into kids being in control and not having respect for anything. I think parents spoil their kids too much now-a-days to the point of children not appreciating anything.

Back to my childhood, I never hated my grandparents for how they punished me. I may not have liked it at the time, but I respected them. And I respect them even more now for raising me in a strict household because of what kind of woman I am today. I didn't have a cell phone until I was almost out of high school and even then, it was for emergencies ONLY. There was a point I had bought a brand new Sony Ericsson (sp?) with my own money and within a week, it was smashed by a hammer because I had been disrespectful to my grandparents.

I didn't have a lap top computer until I graduated HS. There was one accessible in the living room but I was only allowed on it when they were home. I appreciated everything my grandparents bought for me and still do. Where as, a good friend of mine, is always complaining because her parents won't buy her the new iphone, car, etc. She was raised in a "no violence" household. BTW she's also been involved with drugs and had a miscarriage because of them. I'm not saying those things happen because of the parenting, just saying it's a possibility.


Ok, I'll stop ranting =) I'm looking forward to reading more responses!

I should also mention my age I suppose. For those that don't know, I am a youngin, 20 years old =) less

If you don't have kids, how do you think you'd discipline them?

I was raised by my grandparents, if I disrespected them, did something I knew I wasn't supposed to do, or otherwise needed to be disciplined I got spanked. So many people I talk to are like religiously against spanking a child.

How do you disciple? [private voting] less

Im not sure what you mean?

I prefer the term "spank" vs hitting. Hitting implies that I hauled off and smacked lol. At least, to me it does anyways.

When I 'spanked' my children, it was a swift tap on the butt. Nothing that left marks, but it was enough for them to think "Ok, its time to calm down, Moms had enough" etc etc.

I didn't have a certain thing about "Well when they turn x age, Im going to stop spanking". It was one of those things that just became less effective. After they turned a certain age, they were more into the electronics or they had certain toys that they realized would REALLY suck if they had them taken away. It just kind of phased out and we stopped doing it when we found other methods. Of course, we did this when they were younger as well, but at a younger age, the children tend to have a shorter attention span and (I've found) that they would just say "Oh well" after a few moments and find something else to do. A tap on the butt, and it made them stop in their tracks and say "Ok, That was wrong, I need to stop".

We have tried all sorts of methods though. Ever child is different. We tried time outs, spankin's (depending on the situation), taking items away, taking 'play time" with a friend away, taking trips away (going to the zoo, etc). Again, I think it really depends on the childs age and how they respond to different things.

Some children you can simply get down to their level and talk quietly, and they will stop screaming or crying or doing whatever, so that they can hear you. Which calms the situation. Others will just continue to scream or cry in your face or not even pay you any mind.

Again, I usually only spanked when it was called for. When my child went towards a light socket or ran out my door towards a busy road, you bet your butt I spanked my child. I didn't go busting ass til it was red, but when he did that, he thought it was funny or a game and I wanted to immediately get my point across so that he wouldn't run away or try to "play" that game again.

As a parent that has lost a child, I can honestly say that if my child is doing harm to themselves or doing something that is dangerous or life threatening, you can bet I will be getting my point across-without HARM, but with firm discipline.

I also agree with P'Gell about discipline beginning at birth/infancy. However, you also have to remember that children will test your limits and theirs. Its just what they do. They test their boundaries, even if it means going a little too far sometimes. All kids do it, and any parent that says theirs doesn't either doesn't have kids or they haven't done it YET LOL. less

I agree with this 100% and I was raised in a similar way to you, in terms of the actual discipline practices. I didn't feel shame when my parents hit me. Honestly, if I ever felt shame, it came from knowing I disappointed my parents. That was never the product of any specific act. Sometimes it was just the look on my mother's face when I got home from school with a pink slip. Being hit, for me? Did not make me feel shame, and it also did not prevent me from ultimately making connections between what I did and why it was inappropriate or hurtful or otherwise wrong.

At the time, I didn't always love how I was being disciplined. But, I also didn't like being yelled at. Or being grounded. Or having other privileges taken away. No kid likes being disciplined. But, I don't feel traumatized or scarred by the experience of physical discipline. I truly believe it's a parenting style, and it's one that gets a lot of disrespect these days. I respect that there are a variety of parenting styles, and if you don't hit your kids then good for you. However, as a product of a home where physical discipline was used? It really bothers me that people think my parents were in any way lazy, irresponsible, not loving, not fully committed to their duties, or that they failed me in this regard. My parents did "teach, listen and guide" - just in a different way than P'Gell and some other may choose to. less

Amen! Im with you on this 100% too. I didn't feel any of those feelings either. I knew that I was in trouble, there was no grey areas or misunderstandings.

To be completely honest, my mother and I have a close, loving relationship now, more than ever. We talk about when I was a kid and the things I did. We joke and laugh and I can confide in her with anything. The thing is, I understand (now that I have children) why she did the things she did. I understand her fears or concerns with how I used to act and things I would do and I know that feeling now that I am a parent.

I didn't turn into a loathing, violent person. My mother was a very christian woman. She believed in a firm hand when I was wrong, but a loving manner when I was good. She had a good balance. Even though that balance often included a whoopin' from time to time. Either way, to judge parenting methods is like judging someone on their religion. It may not suit you and your family, but that doesn't make it wrong. less

I didn't vote because frankly, even though I have worked extensively with kids, it's impossible to say what I'd do if I had my own. We all think we know just how we'd do it, but any parent will tell you that parenthood surprised the shit out of them at every turn.

What I will say is how I personally was disciplined, and how I feel about that. I have a relatively large family and we (the kids) we a decidedly unruly bunch. (I know, imagine! ME! I'm ever so sweet and docile all the time!) Physical discipline was administered by both parents. It wasn't a "smack first, ask questions later" kind of policy. However, if it was determined that you had fucked up in a smack-worthy way? Certainly. And if you really did something bad (kicked out of school, coming home in a cop car, etc) then you definitely were in for it.

Otherwise, let's be real. In a big family, lots of yelling and threats of punishments to come comprise the bulk of disciplinary practice. When something serious was at stake, my mother talked to us at length about it. It wasn't discipline without a context or explanation. We always knew why what we did was wrong, and why we were being disciplined. Overall, with few exceptions, I feel I came from a very loving home. I value the lessons my parents taught, even if I wasn't always happy with how I had to learn them. If I have kids of my own, I hope I can create a less chaotic environment for them. But, I would want to use the same disciplinary practices of my parents, just hopefully less often. less