The New Intimacy

Being called pet names like "Hun" or "Honey"

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Contributor: Hummingbird Hummingbird
I'm sure this is just probably me but I have to ask. How many of you out there mind being called Hun, Honey or Sweetie? I get it all the time in restaurants and stores, when I was younger it was the older women saying this, now that I'm older the younger ones say it to me. One other thing, its always women who use this term of endearment, men never do. The only one I prefer to call me that way is my significant other, even at this point Mam or Miss would be better and not as personal. I actually lower tips in restaurants when I'm called by one of the aforementioned names.

I only mention this because as a Dale Carnegie graduate, a person's name is the most important thing about them and the care you take in using it. If you don't know it why do you make something up? Thank goodness my real name isn't posted, that gets butchered too, especially by family and its so simple!
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I don't like it
16  (22%)
I don't mind it
11  (15%)
I could care less
9  (12%)
You're being over-sensitive
36  (49%)
Other
2  (3%)
Total votes: 74
Poll is closed
02/12/2013
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Contributor: TheirPet TheirPet
I could care less. I call people this all the time regardless of age or gender and I've known other fellows to use it too.
02/12/2013
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
First, it's a term of endearment, usually used by a person in a position of service. So while many women complain that it is condescending to be called "honey, sweetie, or whatever" by another female, it is actually the person saying it who is taking a position of submission to the person it is being said to. This is not at all true when used by a stranger who happens to be a man.

It's never bothered me and I say it all of the time. Being called something like that is not a good reason to lower someone's income. If they dropped your food on the floor in front of you, picked it up and put it on your plate and set it in front of you - that would be a reason to lower a gratuity. Or, if they brought you dirty silverware and didn't replace it, or laughed at your order, or judge your order in anyway...being polite and friendly, is not a reason to lower someone's tip.
02/12/2013
Contributor: doowop doowop
I understand where you're coming from, but I also think I'm a little over-sensitive when I get kind of offended by it myself. I look at it from a gender perspective. If someone calls me pet names but doesn't do it to the man sitting next to me, it REALLY irks me. Kind of like, "oh, he's a 'sir', but I'm just a 'hun'?" I never lower tips or say anything about it though.
02/12/2013
Contributor: Cindi025 Cindi025
I am always calling my boyfriend sweetie and other things, and he normally refers to me as darling. It doesn't bother me a bit. I would rather hear hey baby then hey cindi... too me baby sounds so much better. Of course others may not agree but that is my opinion anyway.
02/12/2013
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
If you don't like being called it, say so.
02/12/2013
Contributor: kaykay0427 kaykay0427
I take it as they are just trying to be nice... I wouldn't lower the waitresses tip if she said that to me... that's just mean... you're going to keep getting it so I say get over it..
02/12/2013
Contributor: shorejen9 shorejen9
I would never ever lower someone's tip because they were being nice even if that's not how you take it. That waitress is going to wonder what she did wrong to deserve the lower tip or think bad of you. If it really bothers you say something nicely like call me "xyz" or whatever. She's just trying to be nice.
02/12/2013
Contributor: travelnurse travelnurse
I used to hate it but I find myself saying it. It is a term of endearment
02/12/2013
Contributor: Living Doll Living Doll
I really don't think it's a big deal.
02/12/2013
Contributor: Herzer Herzer
Quote:
Originally posted by Hummingbird
I'm sure this is just probably me but I have to ask. How many of you out there mind being called Hun, Honey or Sweetie? I get it all the time in restaurants and stores, when I was younger it was the older women saying this, now that I'm ... more
They are most likely using it because a lot of people hate ma'am and you need some generic way to refer to customers. It's also an attempt to seem like they are being more personal with you.
02/12/2013
Contributor: Hummingbird Hummingbird
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
First, it's a term of endearment, usually used by a person in a position of service. So while many women complain that it is condescending to be called "honey, sweetie, or whatever" by another female, it is actually the person saying it ... more
Your right of course as far as lowering someone's income especially when they provide excellent service, its wrong and I'll be careful to be more attentive to that. It's just that when I hear it, it always makes me feel like such a little girl and feeds on my insecurities. I've been able to let a lot of them go this past year, this is the last one that I just grit my teeth on every time I hear it.

I've always respected other's wishes by addressing them as they wish and I know I can say something at the time, its just that I always get the "Oh I'm sorry" which makes me feel even more insecure. This will take a little work on my part and I thank you for honesty, all of your honesty from everyone responding, time to let this one go.
02/12/2013
Contributor: Geogeo Geogeo
Quote:
Originally posted by Hummingbird
I'm sure this is just probably me but I have to ask. How many of you out there mind being called Hun, Honey or Sweetie? I get it all the time in restaurants and stores, when I was younger it was the older women saying this, now that I'm ... more
I actually REALLY dislike when strangers or people I don't know well call me Hun or Sweetie etc. It's way to personal for me and makes me cringe every time.
02/12/2013
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I don't care for it, but have leaned to tolerate it. The reason why I don't like it is because my father always called my sister and I 'Honey' and my mother he called 'Hun'. Just makes me think of him and that's something I don't really care for.
02/12/2013
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Hummingbird
Your right of course as far as lowering someone's income especially when they provide excellent service, its wrong and I'll be careful to be more attentive to that. It's just that when I hear it, it always makes me feel like such a ... more
I do understand that it's rather irritating, I hate it when men do it to me and I don't know them. It comes off as flirting and borderline creepy sometimes. But, having grown up in the south it was something I learned to deal with. It's kind of like this, Southerners have taken so much shit for saying "yes ma'am/no sir" to everyone and how "disrespectful" it is (give me a break) because it implies something about the age of the person they're speaking to that we still want to somehow acknowledge that we're here to provide a service to you and want to show that we care about your experience.

The only time I ever genuinely find it to be condescending is when a person levels the word in a argument. For instance:

You: "That shirt is yellow with navy blue stripes."

Other person: "Hon, you've lost your mind, it's yellow with hunter green stripes, the yellow just makes it look blue."
02/12/2013
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
I know some folks don't like it but it doesn't really bother me.
02/12/2013
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
I like it, especially when said by a guy I'm interested in.
02/12/2013
Contributor: hotinpink hotinpink
It doesn't bother me at all. People are being genuine when they use it.
02/12/2013
Contributor: FunFantasys FunFantasys
Quote:
Originally posted by Hummingbird
I'm sure this is just probably me but I have to ask. How many of you out there mind being called Hun, Honey or Sweetie? I get it all the time in restaurants and stores, when I was younger it was the older women saying this, now that I'm ... more
I'm not big on endearing terms from others. I only think my significant other should do it. I mean they don't know me, they shouldn't call me those things.
02/12/2013
Contributor: Charry Charry
I don't mind as long as it's someone that I've made previous interactions with.
02/12/2013
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by Hummingbird
I'm sure this is just probably me but I have to ask. How many of you out there mind being called Hun, Honey or Sweetie? I get it all the time in restaurants and stores, when I was younger it was the older women saying this, now that I'm ... more
I'm not a fan of it. I feel the same way and don't tell everyone my name because it's personal.
02/12/2013
Contributor: Beautiful-Disaster Beautiful-Disaster
it doesn't bother me at all. i don't find it offensive when someone calls me hun or anything like that. i find it to be sweet.. better than being called asshole. now thats offensive!
02/12/2013
Contributor: EmuLove EmuLove
I don't mind it. I have worked with people who call me darling and it caught me off guard at first but it doesn't bother me
02/12/2013
Contributor: FlightyBroad FlightyBroad
It depends on the situation. I've had guys call me 'honey' or 'sweetie' before and it disgusted me. If an older woman says it to me it usually doesn't bother me, but if a young person says it to me than it feels condescending and annoys me.
02/12/2013
Contributor: xscorpiox xscorpiox
i call people those names all the time and it doesnt bother me being called those names either
02/12/2013
Contributor: Toy Fiend Toy Fiend
I find it sweet.
02/12/2013
Contributor: hillys hillys
I call everyone hun
02/12/2013
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Hummingbird
I'm sure this is just probably me but I have to ask. How many of you out there mind being called Hun, Honey or Sweetie? I get it all the time in restaurants and stores, when I was younger it was the older women saying this, now that I'm ... more
You are being far too over sensitive. A name is important in a real working sense. If I am in an important meeting...don't "honey" me. However, I am in the deep south and everywhere elss, every gets called Honey, or Sweetie...even guys. Big deal.
02/12/2013
Contributor: sillylilkitten sillylilkitten
I wasn't going to say you were being oversensitive because you're allowed to be offended by whatever you want, but taking away part of someone's income, someone who doesn't actually know your name anyways, for doing something that they don't realize is offensive to you is just wrong. Not cool.

Personally, I don't care. I look like a child so I'm used to people treating me like one. I've tried getting them to stop, but they never do, so I've tried to stop letting it get to me.
02/13/2013
Contributor: KinkyNicki92 KinkyNicki92
I call people honey, darling, etc. If I dont know your name the aforementioned is better than " Hey you, with the face!" I dont mean any harm by it. But i think its a southern thing.
02/13/2013