The New Intimacy

Is the "fun" that used to be here, gone?

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Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
I have been frustrated by more attacks and nasty response comments here lately, and in the last year, then ever before. You used to be able to post just about anything and have a lively discourse about it. It was fun. All kinds of opinions were tossed about freely. Now I feel like I have to "walk on eggshells" with what I post.

I think the fun is gone from here. The majority of people who were "really open" and able to interact in an adult way, with people of different opinions and lifestyles, are gone. Maybe, I suspect, never to return.

Anyone else have that same feeling?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
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Total votes: 24 (23 voters)
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06/11/2014
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Contributor: Rossie Rossie
One of my principles is to not respond to topics I'm unfamiliar with, I'd rather keep my mouth shut and read what the well-informed contributors have to say about those subjects, and learn from them.
06/11/2014
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
I have noticed there are less people that's all. Actually, now that I think more about it, I did feel more like this when I first joined and noticed if someone mentioned something an admin or popular person didn't like, the posse would gang up on the person and bully them into silence. Now, I think it's actually less so. I saw the one discussion on that TV show you saw and even though two people disagreed with you, I didn't think they were attacks, just disagreements. It's never nice to be called out, but I don't think they were at all rude or offensive, but rather intelligent comments.

I wonder if you are on FetLife, Bignuf? It's very lively there and you would probably find what you're missing there, I think. Since you sign up for whatever groups you like there, you don't end up seeing things you don't want to for the most part and they have lots of lively discussions with many former EF people there. I just joined and haven't looked around as much as I'd like, but they definitely have lots of anal categories, so I think you'd love it and find like minded people! I was initially worried that I shouldn't join because I am not into BDSM, but you don't have to be. There certainly are a lot of people into all different types of things, so it's a lot of fun exploring, at least to me, because I like knowing what's out there even if I am not involved in it. I have seen some beautiful, artistic rope work that I'd never have seen except on there. I may not like to be bound, but damn, some of it is simply gorgeous! So, you never know what you'll end up liking!
06/11/2014
Contributor: BlackOrchid BlackOrchid
Less people, less activity. Though I'm not sure I've picked up on any "attacks" or negativity recently. Or perhaps I'm just oblivious to it.
06/12/2014
Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Gotta agree here, I don't think it's less fun, so much as there's less of us around to start/encourage/have the fun.
I don't know if it'll ever get back to the way it was, but we can only try, you know? n_n

Also @WW...you're on FetLife? =3
If we keep this up, that'll be even more popular than facebook (hopefully with less drama+miscellaneous crap, and less trolling) someday! ...hey, it's a nice dream at least...but I kind of doubt there's that many kinky people in the world for some reason. xD

*leaves a plate of cookies to welcome everyone to the dark side and marches off to find a sexy, genderbent darth vader outfit*
06/12/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Rossie
One of my principles is to not respond to topics I'm unfamiliar with, I'd rather keep my mouth shut and read what the well-informed contributors have to say about those subjects, and learn from them.
Yes, but even those "not informed" can have opinions. This does not have to be a site for wallflowers. Furthermore, some people here just want to create a fight out of any word or thought they find the least bit "offensive" to their own belief system...the antithesis of "free thought". Too many people who would fancy themselves as "enlightened" because of their beliefs, are, in fact, the worst repressives, since they seek to silence and stifle any opinion but their own. It is "their way" (the "correct way") or else anyone with a different opinion is an idiot to be silenced. That kind of thought process is the thing that annoys me the most about some people. It is sad that shows up here.
06/12/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by KyotoAngel
Gotta agree here, I don't think it's less fun, so much as there's less of us around to start/encourage/have the fun.
I don't know if it'll ever get back to the way it was, but we can only try, you know? n_n

Also ... more
What, no "cookies" for R2D2 and Princess Leigh? That doesn't seem fair. I vote "cookies for everyone"!!!!
06/12/2014
Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
What, no "cookies" for R2D2 and Princess Leigh? That doesn't seem fair. I vote "cookies for everyone"!!!!
...alright, but non-dark side converts get day old ones. xD
How else are we supposed to lure people over?
It's getting hard to compete with the benefits package the jedi offer, what with their fancy new DIY lightsaber kits.
06/12/2014
Contributor: Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
(Review Program Mentor)
I have seen it be a mixed bag.

I think it is less fun because there are less people. But even when there were more people, the traffic dropped greatly in the summer months.

I think there is far less negativity and attacks. Some of the people would personally attack each other and have these long back and forth insult sessions. Vulgar language directed at other members. Some of it was disgraceful. Even when one of the admins left they couldn't go without a parting shot at another member.

Because there are fewer people there are less open minded people, but there are also less closed minded people. As stated above, I have not seen any disrespectful posts. I did not see the thread on the TV show.

I think everyone should be able to have Cookies. C is for Cookie and that is good enough for me.
06/12/2014
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Yes, but even those "not informed" can have opinions. This does not have to be a site for wallflowers. Furthermore, some people here just want to create a fight out of any word or thought they find the least bit "offensive" to ... more
Everyone has an opinion.

Stating something as if it is factual, however, is not an opinion. It is a fallacy.
06/13/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by BlackOrchid
Less people, less activity. Though I'm not sure I've picked up on any "attacks" or negativity recently. Or perhaps I'm just oblivious to it.
It seems to have happened to me a couple times now. We used to come here to enjoy sexual talk in a light, carefree, open, honest fashion, with like minded folks. Hubby and I would do it together. I have to admit, it was almost like pre foreplay, foreplay. Sometimes we would get hot and start playing right at the computer. Now? Not so much. I feel like I have to watch every word lest I "offend" someone. It was nice being able to read about healthy young people enjoying their bodies in creative ways, after dealing all day with sadly broken bodies. This was a respite from all that. Now, to come here and have to start doing intellectual jousting with someone or fearing being insulted for belief's I don't even have? No..that isn't what "I signed on for".
06/13/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by KyotoAngel
...alright, but non-dark side converts get day old ones. xD
How else are we supposed to lure people over?
It's getting hard to compete with the benefits package the jedi offer, what with their fancy new DIY lightsaber kits.
Oh...so true, but while the Jedi cruise around in those safe, for passenger hovering "speeders", just look at the cool "Harley-esq" flying motorcycles the Storm Troopers get to ride on!?! (Of course, they don't do well running into trees...but that's another story).
06/13/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Pete's Princess
I have seen it be a mixed bag.

I think it is less fun because there are less people. But even when there were more people, the traffic dropped greatly in the summer months.

I think there is far less negativity and attacks. Some of ... more
I agree...COOKIES for all.

Those attacks and name calling seemed to happen after the recent point change over. That was fairly recent, and I stopped posting at all for a while. This was not a happy place at all. Glad that is over.
06/13/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Everyone has an opinion.

Stating something as if it is factual, however, is not an opinion. It is a fallacy.
On this we totally agree. As they say "opinions are like assholes, everyone has one". Facts, sadly, are hard to come by these days on many subjects outside of math or hard chemistry. Everything is shaded by opinion, and political twist. Be it "global warming", "Aid's research" or a million other issues that involve facts and science, the politics quickly becomes mixed in and sadly, what one person insists are "facts" are what someone else calls "a twist on the numbers".
As someone once said, "The facts are very hard to come by, and that's a fact".
06/13/2014
Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Oh...so true, but while the Jedi cruise around in those safe, for passenger hovering "speeders", just look at the cool "Harley-esq" flying motorcycles the Storm Troopers get to ride on!?! (Of course, they don't do well running ... more
That is a valid point...though we'll have to look into better vision testing.
Loosing way too many troops to those darn trees...if I didn't know better, I'd swear the Ents from LotR were real.

*fake dramatic sigh*

Why is good help so hard to find these days?
06/13/2014
Contributor: dv8 dv8
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
On this we totally agree. As they say "opinions are like assholes, everyone has one". Facts, sadly, are hard to come by these days on many subjects outside of math or hard chemistry. Everything is shaded by opinion, and political twist. Be ... more
How the hell can someone who claims to be involved in healthcare write the term "Aid's research"?
06/13/2014
Contributor: Gymbod69 Gymbod69
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
I have been frustrated by more attacks and nasty response comments here lately, and in the last year, then ever before. You used to be able to post just about anything and have a lively discourse about it. It was fun. All kinds of opinions were ... more
I am new here but sorry to hear about your concerns. This should be a fun site and you should be able to talk freely.
06/13/2014
Contributor: Lori 2014 Lori 2014
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
How the hell can someone who claims to be involved in healthcare write the term "Aid's research"?
06/13/2014
Contributor: Lori 2014 Lori 2014
Talk freely; yes.... If you make a statement that's wrong, take the correction with grace and don't attach back. There's no harm in not knowing everything, the harm comes when you say things that are blatantly wrong and offensive and don't take a step back and realize that in some areas.... others might just know more.

This thread was started in response to a thread where the convo got heated due to the author not knowing anything about Trans issues yet trying to act like they do and not listening when real trans people came forward to correct the wrongs.

Rule #1 Don't post anything that comes to your mind. Think first and only take on subjects that you really know about. For instance, I'm Jewish. I would never make a post about christians...

Then if someone comes along and knows more than you do... learn from what they say. Don't try to defend yourself and dig the hole deeper.
06/13/2014
Contributor: indiechick indiechick
I noticed a lot of attack like behavior towards myself and friends of mine shortly after the EF collapse of 2013 in the last few months it has become less hate speech and turned into almost no speech. I will admit that most of the really active people from the days of yore are gone but like WW said that also means that the "mean girls" who controlled the boards are gone too. We are building a new group of people that takes time. I hope much of the negativity has gone away. I know I still see a few negative nancys around but not nearly as many as 6 months ago, and definitely not as many as a year ago so I hope you'll stay around as we sort it all out.
06/16/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
How the hell can someone who claims to be involved in healthcare write the term "Aid's research"?
What the heck is with you? I have been in my field for longer then you probably have been alive. Pardon me if I didn't say "Acquired Immune Deficiently Syndrome". Oh....I suppose caps are wrong there too? If I want a reviewer and editor, I have several good ones already. I appreciate your input, but it isn't needed, and I am not hiring you as a new one. As for research into AIDS, the fact is, one of my friends from way back was at CDC was doing work on this virus long before it had a name, and I have been very updated on events as they unfolded over the decades, so don't give me a rash, I can get that from the weeds in my garden.
Have a nice day and go get a life. You are spending too damned much time scrutinizing what I am writing here, on a "used to be fun" blog site. This is not a medical journal and you are not an editor.
06/18/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by indiechick
I noticed a lot of attack like behavior towards myself and friends of mine shortly after the EF collapse of 2013 in the last few months it has become less hate speech and turned into almost no speech. I will admit that most of the really active ... more
I seem to have found a "Negative Nancy" nipping at my heels here and it is annoying, tiring and they are proving themselves to be quite a bore. They take the joy out of even signing on here.
06/18/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Lori 2014
Talk freely; yes.... If you make a statement that's wrong, take the correction with grace and don't attach back. There's no harm in not knowing everything, the harm comes when you say things that are blatantly wrong and offensive and ... more
First, thanks for the advice. Second, I thought a fun blog site was a place where people could just say what they think. Maybe I am very wrong about that. As for your personal comment, okay, so you are Jewish, why could you NOT post a comment saying "oh, I saw a TV show about kids celebrating Christmas and it was really uplifting" or some such thing. You do NOT have to be part of any given group to make a comment about your real observations. If that be the case, then this becomes just small splinter groups "taking" to each other.
06/18/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Lori 2014
Um...just typo as someone is playing on a FUN site (not writing for a medical journal), on their tiny phone keypad..that's how. Now, honestly, did anyone reading that not know exactly what I was saying? Were people here looking for the words HIV instead? Was it the lack of capitalization of AIDS? Oh my. I am OLD, I am OLD SCHOOL. I worked and knew of HIV prior to it having a name. I knew HIV when it always became AIDS. AIDS was how folks referred to it in the bad old days. I am THRILLED that HIV is no longer the death sentence it once was. I hope the whole HIV spectrum is CURED sooner then later. However, my old school terminology and writing a comment on EF is not going to change any of that, and has zero impact on real world.
06/18/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Gymbod69
I am new here but sorry to hear about your concerns. This should be a fun site and you should be able to talk freely.
Good luck with that if you stray onto the hallowed ground of some individuals here. They seem to defend what they consider as their own turf here. You will be torn to shreds for any word they perceive as "not to their liking".
06/18/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
How the hell can someone who claims to be involved in healthcare write the term "Aid's research"?
link

link

link

Because other then my typo due to using the tiny keypad on my smartphone and not capitalizing AIDS, it IS called "AIDS research" at many centers, even in this day and age of HIV being the more common term (since most cases, in the first world anyway, of HIV do not develop into AIDS...thankfully). The apostrophe was put there, I suspect, by Spell Check, not me. I wasn't wearing my glasses. SO sorry.
06/18/2014
Contributor: dv8 dv8
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
What the heck is with you? I have been in my field for longer then you probably have been alive. Pardon me if I didn't say "Acquired Immune Deficiently Syndrome". Oh....I suppose caps are wrong there too? If I want a reviewer and ... more
Geez, you're a pompous windbag.
  •   (2)
    This is unacceptable / Against the Expectations of Conduct
06/18/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
Geez, you're a pompous windbag.
...and you sir, have shown yourself for what you really are, the person who claims to be speaking for freedom of mind and expression, but instead seeks to shut down any opinion or speech you don't find acceptable. You are, in nutshell, the old school bully.
Your comment on another post of "don't come back" speaks volumes about who thinks they "own" this site and it is you trying to shut down free speech. I am not going to sink to your level and tell you what I really think you are, because your posts do an eloquent job of it. Have a great day.
06/20/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
Geez, you're a pompous windbag.
Oh, and since you hate my posts so much, perhaps you need to quit staking me. That seems to be another of your openly creepy traits, in case you haven't examined yourself lately. Here's an idea, perhaps you can just avoid reading my posts? Just a friendly suggestion. Spare yourself the needless mental stress. I hope you enjoy your weekend.
06/20/2014
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
Geez, you're a pompous windbag.
dv8,
I think you are out of line. Perhaps you were not in a good mood when you wrote that. How is a comment like that going to help the forum?

you can jump on me too. ever heard of the saying, "If you nothing good to say, don't say anything at all."

good think you can not reach out and strike someone thu the computer screen. lol
06/20/2014