joke sharing

Contributor: married with children married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Share one of your favorite jokes below.
09/15/2011
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
Insightful breakdown of Cock rings:

G-String or Double Strap Harness?
I've only ever used a G-string. Which do you think is better? I was thinking of getting a double strap harness, but I really don't mind a G-string..

How Does a Penis Pump Work?
How do they increase size? What is your personal experience? Do the effects last, or does it depend on the type of pump? Does the effect depend on the

Do you wear a cock ring out and about.
Sometimes I wear a larger metal one for awhile while I'm out running errands - I like the feel and naughtiness of it. Do you...

Do penis pumps really make a differents in size?
Do they make any differents or not?

pump
How well does this work?
09/15/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
The only dirty joke I ever tell, so here goes.......

A newlywed couple get married and the bride tells her new husband "I love you so much, I'll do anything you want" He replies "I want a blow job!" She responds "oh no, I could never do that you won't respect me" To this he responds "Baby I love you I will always respect you!" But she still says no.

1st anniversary, 5th anniversary, 10th anniversary, 20th anniversary the conversation is always the same.

Finally after 30 years of marriage she says " We have been married all this time and I still love you just as much. What can I do for you?" he says "all this time I have always answered I want a blow job, you know I'll respect you, please can I have a blow job" She finally agrees and delivers him a blow job.

When they are finished the phone rings and he gets up to answer it, she waits in the bed as he answers and she hears him say from the other room......"the phones for you.....cock sucker!"

I know terrible!!!! Hahahaha, but it's all I got!!
09/15/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal ... more
Yours was way better!!
09/15/2011
Contributor: married with children married with children
Quote:
Originally posted by AngelvMaynard
Yours was way better!!
that one was good.
09/16/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
that one was good.
Hahaha! Thanks!
09/16/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal ... more
HA! That was pretty funny. Thanks I needed a laugh.
09/16/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by AngelvMaynard
The only dirty joke I ever tell, so here goes.......

A newlywed couple get married and the bride tells her new husband "I love you so much, I'll do anything you want" He replies "I want a blow job!" She responds ... more
That is bad. I know what I am getting you for Christmas...a joke book.
09/16/2011
Contributor: Breas Breas
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal ... more
lol, that's a good one!
09/16/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
That is bad. I know what I am getting you for Christmas...a joke book.
I'm really awful at telling jokes too! Hahaha
09/16/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Funny stuff!

My Man likes to tell "Offensive jokes." (So, if you're easily "offended" don't read them.)

Q: Why do women have such small feet? A: So they can get close to the stove.

Q: Why doesn't your wife need a watch? A: There's a clock on the stove, dummy.

Q: What is the definition of "making love?" A: It's something a woman does when a man is fucking her.
09/16/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
A man came home from work to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" he asked her.

"I'm moving to Las Vegas," she said, "In Vegas, I've heard I can get $500.00 for what I do for you for free."

The man starts packing his bags, too.

"What do you think you're doing?" The wife asks him.

He replies, "I'm coming with you. I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000.00 a year."

An other one
A new married couple checked into a hotel on their honeymoon. The desk clerk asked the husband, "Do you have any reservations?"

"Only one" said the husband, "She won't do anal."
09/16/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Funny stuff!

My Man likes to tell "Offensive jokes." (So, if you're easily "offended" don't read them.)

Q: Why do women have such small feet? A: So they can get close to the stove.

Q: Why doesn't ... more
LMAO! These are some of the same jokes my husband tells! Scary, the similarities.
09/16/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
A man came home from work to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" he asked her.

"I'm moving to Las Vegas," she said, "In Vegas, I've heard I can get $500.00 for what I do for you for ... more
at the last one!You guys make me laugh. I love it. Thanks.
09/16/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
LMAO! These are some of the same jokes my husband tells! Scary, the similarities.
I think they were separated at birth. You and I may have been, too.
09/16/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
LMAO! These are some of the same jokes my husband tells! Scary, the similarities.
I have one really offensive one. It's so bad, I don't want to post it, but I can send it to you.
09/16/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I have one really offensive one. It's so bad, I don't want to post it, but I can send it to you.
Oh please do!
09/16/2011
Contributor: Illumin8 Illumin8
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal ... more
Hahaha very nice.
09/16/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
Oh please do!
I did, it's in your inbox.
09/16/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
A man came home from work to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" he asked her.

"I'm moving to Las Vegas," she said, "In Vegas, I've heard I can get $500.00 for what I do for you for ... more
Hahahaha! Those are cute!
09/17/2011
Contributor: WierdAl WierdAl
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal ... more
The Farmer said to his wife I need a pair of pliars.

The wife responded by grabbing her breasts, the her peach the smacked her ass.

The farmer said dam woman I need a pair of pliars.

The wife speaks up and says I just told you:

Theres a pair
In the box
Under the seat
09/18/2011
Contributor: dude dude
Quote:
Originally posted by AngelvMaynard
The only dirty joke I ever tell, so here goes.......

A newlywed couple get married and the bride tells her new husband "I love you so much, I'll do anything you want" He replies "I want a blow job!" She responds ... more
I love this one, I don't think I could keep a straight face while telling it.

An old married couple's sitting on the couch.

The old mans flipping back and forth thru the fishing channel and a porn.

The woman's knitting and getting aggravated. Finally she yells out "Leave it on the Porn, you already know how to fish!"

Sorry it's lame.
09/24/2011